Auntie Diva's Story Time - Page 8

Rockinonahigh · 04-11-2010, 08:14 PM

Confusion abounds..I was talking about chain saw safty annnnnd sometimes im lucky enough to stay out of trouble.

Puplove · 04-11-2010, 09:50 PM

I think the conversation veered over to vibrating Samsonite...

Gemme · 04-11-2010, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Puplove

I think the conversation veered over to vibrating Samsonite...

Diva · 04-11-2010, 10:23 PM

God that was funny.

That, too.

PS R & M were all Snoopy McSnoopersons, cousin Gemmie & cousin Puppapuppaburninlove.....and they opened the armoire.

Gemme · 04-11-2010, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

God that was funny.

That, too.

PS R & M were all Snoopy McSnoopersons, cousin Gemmie & cousin Puppapuppaburninlove.....and they opened the armoire.

Were you kind enough to arm it in advance?

Puplove · 04-11-2010, 10:26 PM

R & M are Naughty McNaughtersons. And I know who R&M are.

Diva · 04-11-2010, 10:35 PM

LOL!

Yes, they ARE! Too funny!

~Bo · 04-12-2010, 03:24 AM

Now I'm REALLY lost. Who are the M&M's and what does Snoopy have to do with it??????

Ms. Tabitha · 04-12-2010, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

.....and they opened the armoire.

I have seen the armoire...I have taken a peek in said armoire... I fear the armoire .........

Rockinonahigh · 04-12-2010, 09:33 AM

Oh my now im confrused~~~~~

Gemme · 04-12-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Oh my now im confrused~~~~~

Oh, dear, Rockin....it's most definitely a HAD TO BE THERE moment.

Rockinonahigh · 04-12-2010, 10:35 PM

Must be,but I gess its not for this butch to even ponder such things,having a plain and simple mind is something a good thing.

Gemme · 04-12-2010, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Must be,but I gess its not for this butch to even ponder such things,having a plain and simple mind is something a good thing.

The complexity of one's mind is not the issue, I assure you. I was serious. It's one of those moments in time that required a person (or persons) to be in the vicinity of the Samsonite and/or armoire and/or Diva's closet and/or.....you get the idea. *grin* You just had to be there.

Rockinonahigh · 04-13-2010, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

The complexity of one's mind is not the issue, I assure you. I was serious. It's one of those moments in time that required a person (or persons) to be in the vicinity of the Samsonite and/or armoire and/or Diva's closet and/or.....you get the idea. *grin* You just had to be there.

Ahhh yes,one of the devine moments of life,now I get it.Tks.

Diva · 04-13-2010, 04:57 PM

Clearly, Auntie Diva needs to padlock the armoire and her closet......

There are naughty cousins running amok.

morningstar55 · 06-12-2010, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

Hello, boys and girls....

Auntie Diva's Story Time has arrived.....

Occasionally, something of an amusing nature will happen to your Auntie Diva and she will make a story from it. If you want to come and listen, I will bestow up you your "cousin name".....don't argue with me or your Auntie Diva will make you get a switch from her pecan tree.

So stay tuned, kids.....Auntie Diva went to the doctor this morning and there's a story right there! I'll be back to tell you all about it.

Auntie Diva may or may not embellish.

Signed,
Auntie Diva, story~teller for the children......

mmm .. umm . **innocent bashful look.... and in a quiet voice**... i like pecans

Diva · 07-03-2010, 01:20 PM

Good afternoon, boys and girls....its way past time for another story from your Auntie Diva!!!

Yes...it's been a long time, but there haven't been any stories to tell....ok, none that were FIT to tell the children......

But alas, I have one today, boys and girls, for your Auntie Diva went to The Ikea....and mayhem ensued. Oh yes, it did, boys and girls.

Your cousin Tabitha and I decided to visit The Ikea (there's an acronym in there somewhere) for a little Retail Therapy, boys and girls. Can you say "Retail Therapy"? Yes! This is when you decide that life is getting you down and so you decide to go spend money that you probably shouldn't spend, ignoring the clear reality that, soon, that, too, will come back to bite your ass in a most unpleasant way.

But your Auntie Diva digresses.

Well....so the day before we were to go to The Ikea, your Auntie Diva was taking a shower (she does some of her best thinking there) and it occurred to her that she had double~booked!

OH NO! boys and girls, OH NO!

Yes, it's true.

Your Auntie Diva got a new dishwasher and it was to be delivered around the same time as your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva were to have breakfast ~ to gird our loins ~ before the grand shopping expedition.

So your Auntie Diva picked up the phone and called your cousin Tabitha to inform her that perhaps we could go a little later ~ the dishwasher was to be delivered in the morning.

Well, Rudy called me the next morning to tell me that the delivery would probably be "a little later....noon". That was ok.....The Ikea closes at nine. More than enough time to do some damage....I mean, get some good therapy.

You see what is about to happen here, don't You boys and girls?

Yes....the morning passed slowly. No dishwasher. At 1:27, your Auntie Diva decided to have some conversation with Mr. Rudy and he then informed me that Martin would probably not be there until between 4 and 6.

Was your Auntie Diva happy to hear this news? Oh no, boys and girls, no she was not. This could only mean that more therapy would need to take place.

Your cousin Tabitha decided to come over and we waited for Martin. Wait, wait, wait, boys and girls. There was just so much scratching of Lucy's tummy we could do. Then.....our eyes lit up because we hear the sound of a big truck coming! It was like Santa!

It was 5:20-ish. They brought the dishwasher....it was lovely.....I shooed Martin out the door and your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva made like a bat out of h-e-double hockey sticks for Therapy.

We made it to the Therapist's Office around 6....that still gave us 3 good hours, right?

We got inside and took a deep breath.....ah....the lovely scent of household merchandise......shop, Auntie Diva, SHOP!

We touched pretty much everything......the bath mats....the baskets....the candles....the magnetic spice racks and the coffee presses......but then, it was time to load up the serious stuff.....Auntie Diva was getting a book case.

There they were...all stacked up in the boxes....but could your Auntie Diva even budge that sucker? Oh hell no.

Just then, we saw a guy with his back to us in a bright yellow shirt. Your cousin Tabitha said, "Excuse me, could you help us?"

He stood up and turned around......

I do believe your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva held hands and our collective drool ran from one corner of our lipsticked lips.....for there, boys and girls.....there facing us......even now, I'm holding my breath....facing us was one of the loveliest butches we had ever seen. We won't discuss the age of this gorgeous hunk of Universal creation, but suffice it to say the word "Cougar" MAY have crossed my mind.

So she came over to help us, and I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted 6 more of those bookcases....

It was a heavenly moment as we stalked ~ I mean followed her down the other aisle as she helped someone else.

Then, we checked out and decided we needed sustenance in the form of Cajun food. So your cousin Tabitha called cousin Charmer to meet us and off we went to the Razoo's across the driveway from The Ikea....in our weakened condition, we could not drive too far.

To be continued......

Diva · 07-03-2010, 01:39 PM

.....so......
we drove across the driveway and I let your cousin Tabitha out to get our name on the list. Of course, just as soon as I did, there was a parking place (your Auntie Diva has good parking karma, boys and girls) right there by the restaurant!

We had a 20 minute wait, but we got to sit on the bench by the door ~ inside and out of the humidity. We were also close to the hostess stand where all the cute little waitresses with their fake~bake tans would come and hang out.

One of them gave me the pager, but I swear, boys and girls, it looked like a taser gun! I may have remarked same to the girl who handed it to me....and she came back over and said she agreed and then she stuck her arm out for me to "taser".

I believe the tanning beds might add a bit of smart ass to one's personality, for she jerked her body around as though I DID taser her, which in turn, scared your Auntie Diva!!! They all laughed and made sport of me. But then i said...."You better watch out! I'm an old woman and I believe I just peed myself!"

For just a split second, she believe I may very well HAD peed myself and we may have laughed so hard then, I believe I might have peed myself then! LOL! It was a moment of levity, boys and girls!

So then we were seated. Your cousin Charmer had yet to arrive, but we ordered an appetizer of fried alligator and rat toes. Don't ask, boys and girls......but there are rats running amok on tiny little crutches somewhere....

I digress.

We also ordered some sort of frozen concoction which had melon and raspberry liqueur in it. It was worth it just to get the Mardi Gras beads, boys and girls! It was festive.

It HAD occurred to us to SAVE some of the fried alligator for your cousin Charmer....but we kept talking and kept eating until ~ OH NO ~ there was none left.....just as cousin Charmer walked in the door, your cousin Tabitha tripped a poor busboy and got him to carry off the evidence....I mean the empty plate.

The older I get, boys and girls, the more difficult it is to maintain a look of innocence. But it looked something like this:

We ordered our food then from our waiter, Val, whose most charming feature was to say "My pleasure" every 2 seconds. He rather looked like one of last season's American Idol top 10 contestants with the blond dreads and the guitar...remember him, boys and girls? Val ~ whose name, he was quick to inform us, was short for Valentino ~ didn't know who I meant, when I mentioned this to him. But his MOTHER would know as she watches it all the time.

At one point, boys and girls, we needed Val's assistance. Your cousins were sweetly waving to him, trying to get his attention. He was standing just outside the door, holding court with about 5 of the fake bakers.....after about 30 seconds of their genteel waving, your Auntie Diva said, "Oh please!" and cupped her hands around her mouth and ~ in her best middle school teacher, Toppy McTopperson voice, yelled, "VAL!"

He heard me.

We allowed Val My Pleasure to talk us into a bread pudding. We thought we might each get one, but Val My Pleasure said they were pretty good sized so we opted for one and 3 spoons.

It was a good thing we did that, boys and girls, as that bread pudding was THE SIZE OF MY HEAD! But it was ever so yummy! And a grand way to end our Retail Therapy!

We drove to La Hacienda, full as full can be....

It was a good day, boys and girls.....a very good day! And so ends another story from your Auntie Diva!

Ms. Tabitha · 07-03-2010, 04:38 PM

I do believe IKEA will NEVER be the same again.
My side still hurts from laughing so hard!
Great night and great shopping!!

TxsCharmr · 07-03-2010, 05:23 PM

Yes, yall, it was a most joyful evening with two spectacular ladies....but....As I arrived at the dinner table it was like starin at two rabid dawgs. They were both still foamin at the mouth from the encounter at IKEA.

It was indeed an experience and Razoo's gets two thumbs up for food and service!!

Cuzn Charmr

04-11-2010, 09:50 PM	#142
Puplove Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Austin TX Posts: 904 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 879 Thanked 3,215 Times in 705 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I think the conversation veered over to vibrating Samsonite... __________________ Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "...Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

04-11-2010, 10:26 PM	#146
Puplove Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Austin TX Posts: 904 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 879 Thanked 3,215 Times in 705 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	R & M are Naughty McNaughtersons. And I know who R&M are. __________________ Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "...Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

04-12-2010, 10:35 PM	#152
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Gemme Must be,but I gess its not for this butch to even ponder such things,having a plain and simple mind is something a good thing.

07-03-2010, 05:23 PM	#160
TxsCharmr Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Im Just Me Relationship Status: She has the Key Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 35 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 304 Thanked 41 Times in 17 Posts Rep Power: 15435	Yes, yall, it was a most joyful evening with two spectacular ladies....but....As I arrived at the dinner table it was like starin at two rabid dawgs. They were both still foamin at the mouth from the encounter at IKEA. It was indeed an experience and Razoo's gets two thumbs up for food and service!! Cuzn Charmr __________________

04-11-2010, 08:14 PM	#141
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Confusion abounds..I was talking about chain saw safty annnnnd sometimes im lucky enough to stay out of trouble.

04-11-2010, 10:23 PM	#144
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	God that was funny. That, too. PS R & M were all Snoopy McSnoopersons, cousin Gemmie & cousin Puppapuppaburninlove.....and they opened the armoire.

04-11-2010, 10:35 PM	#147
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	LOL! Yes, they ARE! Too funny!

04-12-2010, 03:24 AM	#148
~Bo Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: PA Posts: 1,590 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,247 Thanked 1,680 Times in 742 Posts Rep Power: 13485855	Now I'm REALLY lost. Who are the M&M's and what does Snoopy have to do with it??????

04-12-2010, 09:33 AM	#150
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Oh my now im confrused~~~~~

04-13-2010, 04:57 PM	#155
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Clearly, Auntie Diva needs to padlock the armoire and her closet...... There are naughty cousins running amok.

07-03-2010, 01:20 PM	#157
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	Good afternoon, boys and girls....its way past time for another story from your Auntie Diva!!! Yes...it's been a long time, but there haven't been any stories to tell....ok, none that were FIT to tell the children...... But alas, I have one today, boys and girls, for your Auntie Diva went to The Ikea....and mayhem ensued. Oh yes, it did, boys and girls. Your cousin Tabitha and I decided to visit The Ikea (there's an acronym in there somewhere) for a little Retail Therapy, boys and girls. Can you say "Retail Therapy"? Yes! This is when you decide that life is getting you down and so you decide to go spend money that you probably shouldn't spend, ignoring the clear reality that, soon, that, too, will come back to bite your ass in a most unpleasant way. But your Auntie Diva digresses. Well....so the day before we were to go to The Ikea, your Auntie Diva was taking a shower (she does some of her best thinking there) and it occurred to her that she had double~booked! OH NO! boys and girls, OH NO! Yes, it's true. Your Auntie Diva got a new dishwasher and it was to be delivered around the same time as your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva were to have breakfast ~ to gird our loins ~ before the grand shopping expedition. So your Auntie Diva picked up the phone and called your cousin Tabitha to inform her that perhaps we could go a little later ~ the dishwasher was to be delivered in the morning. Well, Rudy called me the next morning to tell me that the delivery would probably be "a little later....noon". That was ok.....The Ikea closes at nine. More than enough time to do some damage....I mean, get some good therapy. You see what is about to happen here, don't You boys and girls? Yes....the morning passed slowly. No dishwasher. At 1:27, your Auntie Diva decided to have some conversation with Mr. Rudy and he then informed me that Martin would probably not be there until between 4 and 6. Was your Auntie Diva happy to hear this news? Oh no, boys and girls, no she was not. This could only mean that more therapy would need to take place. Your cousin Tabitha decided to come over and we waited for Martin. Wait, wait, wait, boys and girls. There was just so much scratching of Lucy's tummy we could do. Then.....our eyes lit up because we hear the sound of a big truck coming! It was like Santa! It was 5:20-ish. They brought the dishwasher....it was lovely.....I shooed Martin out the door and your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva made like a bat out of h-e-double hockey sticks for Therapy. We made it to the Therapist's Office around 6....that still gave us 3 good hours, right? We got inside and took a deep breath.....ah....the lovely scent of household merchandise......shop, Auntie Diva, SHOP! We touched pretty much everything......the bath mats....the baskets....the candles....the magnetic spice racks and the coffee presses......but then, it was time to load up the serious stuff.....Auntie Diva was getting a book case. There they were...all stacked up in the boxes....but could your Auntie Diva even budge that sucker? Oh hell no. Just then, we saw a guy with his back to us in a bright yellow shirt. Your cousin Tabitha said, "Excuse me, could you help us?" He stood up and turned around...... I do believe your cousin Tabitha and your Auntie Diva held hands and our collective drool ran from one corner of our lipsticked lips.....for there, boys and girls.....there facing us......even now, I'm holding my breath....facing us was one of the loveliest butches we had ever seen. We won't discuss the age of this gorgeous hunk of Universal creation, but suffice it to say the word "Cougar" MAY have crossed my mind. So she came over to help us, and I'm pretty sure I decided I wanted 6 more of those bookcases.... It was a heavenly moment as we stalked ~ I mean followed her down the other aisle as she helped someone else. Then, we checked out and decided we needed sustenance in the form of Cajun food. So your cousin Tabitha called cousin Charmer to meet us and off we went to the Razoo's across the driveway from The Ikea....in our weakened condition, we could not drive too far. To be continued......

07-03-2010, 01:39 PM	#158
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,174 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	.....so...... we drove across the driveway and I let your cousin Tabitha out to get our name on the list. Of course, just as soon as I did, there was a parking place (your Auntie Diva has good parking karma, boys and girls) right there by the restaurant! We had a 20 minute wait, but we got to sit on the bench by the door ~ inside and out of the humidity. We were also close to the hostess stand where all the cute little waitresses with their fake~bake tans would come and hang out. One of them gave me the pager, but I swear, boys and girls, it looked like a taser gun! I may have remarked same to the girl who handed it to me....and she came back over and said she agreed and then she stuck her arm out for me to "taser". I believe the tanning beds might add a bit of smart ass to one's personality, for she jerked her body around as though I DID taser her, which in turn, scared your Auntie Diva!!! They all laughed and made sport of me. But then i said...."You better watch out! I'm an old woman and I believe I just peed myself!" For just a split second, she believe I may very well HAD peed myself and we may have laughed so hard then, I believe I might have peed myself then! LOL! It was a moment of levity, boys and girls! So then we were seated. Your cousin Charmer had yet to arrive, but we ordered an appetizer of fried alligator and rat toes. Don't ask, boys and girls......but there are rats running amok on tiny little crutches somewhere.... I digress. We also ordered some sort of frozen concoction which had melon and raspberry liqueur in it. It was worth it just to get the Mardi Gras beads, boys and girls! It was festive. It HAD occurred to us to SAVE some of the fried alligator for your cousin Charmer....but we kept talking and kept eating until ~ OH NO ~ there was none left.....just as cousin Charmer walked in the door, your cousin Tabitha tripped a poor busboy and got him to carry off the evidence....I mean the empty plate. The older I get, boys and girls, the more difficult it is to maintain a look of innocence. But it looked something like this: We ordered our food then from our waiter, Val, whose most charming feature was to say "My pleasure" every 2 seconds. He rather looked like one of last season's American Idol top 10 contestants with the blond dreads and the guitar...remember him, boys and girls? Val ~ whose name, he was quick to inform us, was short for Valentino ~ didn't know who I meant, when I mentioned this to him. But his MOTHER would know as she watches it all the time. At one point, boys and girls, we needed Val's assistance. Your cousins were sweetly waving to him, trying to get his attention. He was standing just outside the door, holding court with about 5 of the fake bakers.....after about 30 seconds of their genteel waving, your Auntie Diva said, "Oh please!" and cupped her hands around her mouth and ~ in her best middle school teacher, Toppy McTopperson voice, yelled, "VAL!" He heard me. We allowed Val My Pleasure to talk us into a bread pudding. We thought we might each get one, but Val My Pleasure said they were pretty good sized so we opted for one and 3 spoons. It was a good thing we did that, boys and girls, as that bread pudding was THE SIZE OF MY HEAD! But it was ever so yummy! And a grand way to end our Retail Therapy! We drove to La Hacienda, full as full can be.... It was a good day, boys and girls.....a very good day! And so ends another story from your Auntie Diva!

07-03-2010, 04:38 PM	#159
Ms. Tabitha Member How Do You Identify?: Hey Lady Preferred Pronoun?: Female Relationship Status: Married ~ 4-1-13 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Texas Posts: 1,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 980 Thanked 3,581 Times in 1,040 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I do believe IKEA will NEVER be the same again. My side still hurts from laughing so hard! Great night and great shopping!!