"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

Blade · 08-27-2013, 03:30 PM

I've been to wedding where there were no kids. I don't know if that was by design or because the parents realized that it would be an inappropriate event for their kids, such as biker weddings.

I think it is perfectly ok for a bride/groom to request no children at their wedding, for whatever reason or for no reason at all.

I've seen kids at weddings that stole the show and were the life of the party. I've also seen kids at weddings that should have been taken outside and given something to cry about. Then there is the restless kid that can't be still for 20 minutes, and the crying baby that the Mom won't take outside.

So yeah I think is to each his/her own as to how they want their wedding handled in all aspects of it.

The_Lady_Snow · 08-27-2013, 03:34 PM

I love love love to attend weddings, I love them even more when they are kid free, not because I don't like kids, but because sometimes I love adult time more than time with kids in it....

*Anya* · 08-27-2013, 03:39 PM

I raised two children and have 5 grandchildren (yikes).

I have gone to a couple of weddings with children and a couple without.

No children please!

Please.

There is nothing like talking, crying and screaming kids while straining to hear vows or having children running around the reception.

Nothing like it at all.

bright_arrow · 08-27-2013, 03:41 PM

I remember my cousin having an adult-only wedding, and being 16, I was mighty offended! But, eh, whatever.

We did go adult-only reception due to limit of people and costs, mostly. Open bar, and 4 hour reception, and all my family staying in the hotel with us were other reasons.

I admit, I was a bit pissed when people RSVP'd 4 people [with their kids].. but I figured someone was bound to do it.. And when I had 23 people not show [and not return my calls/texts] and lost the $40 p.p. on people who DID RSVP and didn't show.. Hell.

Not sure what was more awkward, telling people it was adults-only or figuring out a polite way to ask for cash gifts [as we already owned a house and all the crap we needed to go with it!]

aishah · 08-27-2013, 04:18 PM

my tolerance for "child-free" spaces is very limited (and for the record, i don't have or want kids). i do not believe people are entitled to child-free spaces and i see it as a part of a larger social problem the way children are treated in our society. that said, i get that people have an attitude of "it's my personal private party and i should get to exclude whomever i want." so, whatever. i would not attend a child-free wedding on principle, just like i wouldn't attend a gay-free wedding or a black-free wedding or an elder-free wedding or any other wedding that excluded an entire group of people. i do think that offering childcare or child-friendly activities at the wedding could be a nice compromise.

Apocalipstic · 08-27-2013, 05:32 PM

I work a lot of weddings and a lot of it is cost related. People spend so much money and they might want an elegant adult evening on rented chairs, rented tables, linen they will have to replace of it is damaged. I've seen so many weddings where no one is minding the kids and they run around tying chairs to tables with napkins, filling salt shakers with ketchup, locking all the bathrooms from inside. I've even seen centerpieces caught on fire by budding pyros.

On the other hand, weddings be a wonderful family event with good planning.

Its about how the people getting married want to enjoy their special day. Its not about what is convenient for the guests and about who might be offended

jac · 08-27-2013, 06:39 PM

Having three kids, grandkids, and soon to have a step-daughter I see no reason not to have a family-friendly wedding. However, I also get the point of an adult only wedding too. I think they do have the right to have it either way. If we were invited to an adult only wedding I'm certain unless it was agreed upon that we get a babysitter, that we wouldn't be going. But really, I don't see why we wouldn't... we don't get too many adult only invites anyway so it would be a treat to whoop it up and not have to be concerned with caring for a child. It's really no different than going to a club for the night and partying.

easygoingfemme · 08-27-2013, 07:57 PM

An adult only wedding might have made my life difficult when my daughter was younger, but that's not the fault or problem of the folks throwing the wedding. I'd see no reason to take offense.

My brother, who generally lacks tact and all social graces, had an adult only wedding, but somewhere someone gave him and his wife the idea to hire a sitter to have at the hotel next door, and they did that. There were a number of travelers and that made it possible for them to come and not have to make multi-day care arrangements for their kids. The uncomfortable part came when they asked my daughter to be part of the wedding and stay for the reception, so there I was with my kid, and others couldn't have their kids with them, and she was the only kid. A little awkward but it wasn't the end of the world.

imperfect_cupcake · 08-27-2013, 08:13 PM

Well, pretty much, Jac. pubs and clubs are not child friendly and no one expects them to be. I had DJ's from amsterdam, manchester and london... so.. the tone was not for kids...

Apocalipstic · 08-27-2013, 08:22 PM

I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests.

Queenie · 09-04-2013, 09:08 AM

Ah yes the adult only wedding!

My sister and I had to be around 7 and 9 when an older cousin of ours got married.
The both of us could go to the long and very boring Catholic church part of the wedding, but not the reception. It sucked knowing this. And it also sucked knowing that we'd have to spend the rest of the day with our 85 year old grant Aunt, learning how to play solitaire and watching a repeat of The love boat.

I can see the point of not having kids at your wedding. And then I can't.

Nat · 09-04-2013, 11:16 PM

I think people are totally within their rights to have whatever wedding suits the couple in question. And overtaxed moms the world over have a right to feel a bit butt-hurt to get an invitation in the mail from people who ostensibly know they won't be able to attend if the child can't come.

I have a vague recollection that childcare was offered at my long-ago wedding. It was at a church, and there was the option of paying for one of the church daycare workers to come in and baby-sit for a few hours. That might be an option to consider if a close friend or relative is stuck with sole responsibility for a kid and without the means to get a babysitter.

Anyway, I think both parties have a right to their feelings, but the main thing that could soothe ruffled feathers is an actual real conversation. And if neither party feels like talking, then maybe this is not a guest the happy couple actually wants at their wedding. Because people can and do move mountains to accommodate each other if it's worth it to them.

I like kids at weddings. But that's me.

Martina · 09-05-2013, 12:05 AM

In my personal experience and the experience of friends, it's not usually the guest who feels butt hurt. They may feel guilty. They may regret not being able to go. Usually, in fact, it's the happy couple . . . or one of them . . . who gets be upset when someone important to them cannot attend.

I have seen a lot of that. The wedding plans make it damned difficult for some people to attend -- those with kids, older or disabled people (my friends who had the wedding in the woods), or people with limited incomes (happens a lot).

Then when someone expresses their regrets, there is drama.

My opinion is that if you TRULY want people to attend your wedding, don't make it so damned hard. People do that alot. Have the wedding of your dreams, but if being there involves hardship for some of your guests, at least be understanding when they can't make it.

My cousin's son just got married, and they were incredibly gracious and helpful and had a lovely wedding. It can be done.

imperfect_cupcake · 09-05-2013, 10:08 AM

I'll put my hand up and say I don't understand those feelings at all. people being super sad someone can't come - totally get. I felt a lot of that. pissed off and hurt? um... no? why? I truly don't understand why anyone would be angry/hurt that a guest could not come because of cost or lack of childcare. I honestly can't wrap my head around that.

My guess is that would happened mostly with people who have money to throw at weddings and thus not understand what it's like to be dirt poor and thus don't understand why they can't pay so it must be personal?

that's all I can grasp.

08-27-2013, 03:30 PM	#1
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I've been to wedding where there were no kids. I don't know if that was by design or because the parents realized that it would be an inappropriate event for their kids, such as biker weddings. I think it is perfectly ok for a bride/groom to request no children at their wedding, for whatever reason or for no reason at all. I've seen kids at weddings that stole the show and were the life of the party. I've also seen kids at weddings that should have been taken outside and given something to cry about. Then there is the restless kid that can't be still for 20 minutes, and the crying baby that the Mom won't take outside. So yeah I think is to each his/her own as to how they want their wedding handled in all aspects of it. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

08-27-2013, 03:34 PM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,076 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	Cake! I love love love to attend weddings, I love them even more when they are kid free, not because I don't like kids, but because sometimes I love adult time more than time with kids in it.... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

08-27-2013, 03:39 PM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I raised two children and have 5 grandchildren (yikes). I have gone to a couple of weddings with children and a couple without. No children please! Please. There is nothing like talking, crying and screaming kids while straining to hear vows or having children running around the reception. Nothing like it at all. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

08-27-2013, 05:32 PM	#6
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I work a lot of weddings and a lot of it is cost related. People spend so much money and they might want an elegant adult evening on rented chairs, rented tables, linen they will have to replace of it is damaged. I've seen so many weddings where no one is minding the kids and they run around tying chairs to tables with napkins, filling salt shakers with ketchup, locking all the bathrooms from inside. I've even seen centerpieces caught on fire by budding pyros. On the other hand, weddings be a wonderful family event with good planning. Its about how the people getting married want to enjoy their special day. Its not about what is convenient for the guests and about who might be offended __________________ Last edited by Apocalipstic; 08-27-2013 at 05:34 PM.

08-27-2013, 08:22 PM	#10
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,360 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests. __________________

08-27-2013, 03:41 PM	#4
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,362 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I remember my cousin having an adult-only wedding, and being 16, I was mighty offended! But, eh, whatever. We did go adult-only reception due to limit of people and costs, mostly. Open bar, and 4 hour reception, and all my family staying in the hotel with us were other reasons. I admit, I was a bit pissed when people RSVP'd 4 people [with their kids].. but I figured someone was bound to do it.. And when I had 23 people not show [and not return my calls/texts] and lost the $40 p.p. on people who DID RSVP and didn't show.. Hell. Not sure what was more awkward, telling people it was adults-only or figuring out a polite way to ask for cash gifts [as we already owned a house and all the crap we needed to go with it!]

08-27-2013, 04:18 PM	#5
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,439 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	my tolerance for "child-free" spaces is very limited (and for the record, i don't have or want kids). i do not believe people are entitled to child-free spaces and i see it as a part of a larger social problem the way children are treated in our society. that said, i get that people have an attitude of "it's my personal private party and i should get to exclude whomever i want." so, whatever. i would not attend a child-free wedding on principle, just like i wouldn't attend a gay-free wedding or a black-free wedding or an elder-free wedding or any other wedding that excluded an entire group of people. i do think that offering childcare or child-friendly activities at the wedding could be a nice compromise.

08-27-2013, 06:39 PM	#7
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Having three kids, grandkids, and soon to have a step-daughter I see no reason not to have a family-friendly wedding. However, I also get the point of an adult only wedding too. I think they do have the right to have it either way. If we were invited to an adult only wedding I'm certain unless it was agreed upon that we get a babysitter, that we wouldn't be going. But really, I don't see why we wouldn't... we don't get too many adult only invites anyway so it would be a treat to whoop it up and not have to be concerned with caring for a child. It's really no different than going to a club for the night and partying.

08-27-2013, 07:57 PM	#8
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,692 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 14,964 Times in 3,316 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	An adult only wedding might have made my life difficult when my daughter was younger, but that's not the fault or problem of the folks throwing the wedding. I'd see no reason to take offense. My brother, who generally lacks tact and all social graces, had an adult only wedding, but somewhere someone gave him and his wife the idea to hire a sitter to have at the hotel next door, and they did that. There were a number of travelers and that made it possible for them to come and not have to make multi-day care arrangements for their kids. The uncomfortable part came when they asked my daughter to be part of the wedding and stay for the reception, so there I was with my kid, and others couldn't have their kids with them, and she was the only kid. A little awkward but it wasn't the end of the world.

08-27-2013, 08:13 PM	#9
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Well, pretty much, Jac. pubs and clubs are not child friendly and no one expects them to be. I had DJ's from amsterdam, manchester and london... so.. the tone was not for kids...

09-04-2013, 09:08 AM	#11
Queenie Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: Her Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: East Finchley Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 478 Thanked 1,885 Times in 523 Posts Rep Power: 16307164	Ah yes the adult only wedding! My sister and I had to be around 7 and 9 when an older cousin of ours got married. The both of us could go to the long and very boring Catholic church part of the wedding, but not the reception. It sucked knowing this. And it also sucked knowing that we'd have to spend the rest of the day with our 85 year old grant Aunt, learning how to play solitaire and watching a repeat of The love boat. I can see the point of not having kids at your wedding. And then I can't.

09-04-2013, 11:16 PM	#12
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,963 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I think people are totally within their rights to have whatever wedding suits the couple in question. And overtaxed moms the world over have a right to feel a bit butt-hurt to get an invitation in the mail from people who ostensibly know they won't be able to attend if the child can't come. I have a vague recollection that childcare was offered at my long-ago wedding. It was at a church, and there was the option of paying for one of the church daycare workers to come in and baby-sit for a few hours. That might be an option to consider if a close friend or relative is stuck with sole responsibility for a kid and without the means to get a babysitter. Anyway, I think both parties have a right to their feelings, but the main thing that could soothe ruffled feathers is an actual real conversation. And if neither party feels like talking, then maybe this is not a guest the happy couple actually wants at their wedding. Because people can and do move mountains to accommodate each other if it's worth it to them. I like kids at weddings. But that's me. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

09-05-2013, 12:05 AM	#13
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,280 Times in 4,165 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	In my personal experience and the experience of friends, it's not usually the guest who feels butt hurt. They may feel guilty. They may regret not being able to go. Usually, in fact, it's the happy couple . . . or one of them . . . who gets be upset when someone important to them cannot attend. I have seen a lot of that. The wedding plans make it damned difficult for some people to attend -- those with kids, older or disabled people (my friends who had the wedding in the woods), or people with limited incomes (happens a lot). Then when someone expresses their regrets, there is drama. My opinion is that if you TRULY want people to attend your wedding, don't make it so damned hard. People do that alot. Have the wedding of your dreams, but if being there involves hardship for some of your guests, at least be understanding when they can't make it. My cousin's son just got married, and they were incredibly gracious and helpful and had a lovely wedding. It can be done.

09-05-2013, 10:08 AM	#14
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I'll put my hand up and say I don't understand those feelings at all. people being super sad someone can't come - totally get. I felt a lot of that. pissed off and hurt? um... no? why? I truly don't understand why anyone would be angry/hurt that a guest could not come because of cost or lack of childcare. I honestly can't wrap my head around that. My guess is that would happened mostly with people who have money to throw at weddings and thus not understand what it's like to be dirt poor and thus don't understand why they can't pay so it must be personal? that's all I can grasp.