"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

[Medusa]

I was looking at Facebook earlier and someone I know had posted about how they wouldn't be attending someone's wedding because they "didn't have a babysitter and couldn't go to the "adults only" wedding".

It read a little like the person was feeling irritated about the wedding being "adults only".

I'm curious, what do you think of "adults only" wedding space? I know we have a thread about kids in restaurants but this discussion feels different since people paying for a wedding are paying to create an experience for themselves (and their guests) and not just buying a plate of food (more of a short-term investment both in time and money).

Do you think people get to dictate who is attending their wedding if they are paying for that? Or do you think it's classist to say "no children" at a wedding? Have you attending an "adult only" wedding? Was your experience different than attending one with kids?

Curious! Curious!!

[candy_coated_bitch]

I will preface this by saying I do not have children, nor do I ever want any. I am not entirely child friendly LOL.

I do not see anything wrong with having an "adults only" wedding. I think that a wedding (depending on the people, but whatever) is a very personal event. Period. Whoever the couple wants or doesn't want at their wedding is their prerogative. Some people have big weddings and some people have very small weddings with only very select people in their lives. That's their choice. But people get so butthurt over weddings.

I personally find loud, unruly, screaming children very intrusive. Especially if it's an evening/night wedding? OMG, add overtired to that? I'd be miserable.

Classist? Meh. Maybe. It sucks if you're strapped and can't pay for a babysitter, or find one, and you can't go to an event. But again, it's a CLOSED, personal event. They don't HAVE to make it accessible for everyone. Even if it's classist, or racist, or ableist or any -ist--the couple gets to decide that. They get to decide that they want only clowns at their wedding.

I often have to miss things I want to go to because I'm actually extremely poor. It's hard. But that's life. I think not being able to go to every single thing you want to attend is kind of the sacrifice you make in being a parent.

[Bard]

our reception was audults only because of the cost we still had some kids and that was fine but desd comes from a very large family and with lots of young cousins it could have been to much and we were limited on how many people we could have. the wedding was open to all and on the invite we had a adults reception it worked out well for us but we were worried about offending family. but people understood heck at 40 a person its hard. the kids that were there for both my daughter and our ring bearers and one close friends little girl they had a blast and were well behaved. the kids that came to the wedding also were well behaved

[DapperButch]

I see nothing wrong with having an adult only wedding.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Personally i wanted all of my friends and family at my weddings...for *me* i think marriage is about family and that includes the kids.

I also get limited incomes and not wanting unruly children....truly a personal choice. I don't judge anyone's choice.

[Kelt]

I also see nothing wrong with it. The people paying for the party get to pick who comes whatever their criteria. I would however stipulate that if they invite parents who cannot or don't wish to bear the extra expense of having a sitter choose not to attend, they should not be offended.

I don't think an invitation should be seen as an obligation. That is what the R.S.V.P. is for.

[always2late]

I don't see anything wrong with having an "adult only" wedding. Actually not including children is practical if you are having your wedding at a venue where you are paying per person. Including everyone's children can be very costly. Also, most of the wedding receptions I've attended didn't begin until the early evening, and continued on until the early morning (not exactly child-friendly hours).

[LaneyDoll]

I have three kids and I am not offended by an "adults only" wedding. Weddings are expensive and if someone forks out all that cash for one, they should get the dream wedding they want.

I attended a wedding once where the flower girl and the ring bearer stole the show by kissing as they sat on the steps leading to the staged area. Yes it was cute. But they started kissing more intently, mouths closed obviously, and the entire audience was in hysterics.

The bride told me later that she was pretty troubled over all the laughter because she did not know that was going on. She only heard the people literally laughing at her wedding. And, that commotion translated to the video so she lost $$$ on that investment as well.

People get so offended easily these days. It is not that someone hates "your" children. It is merely that they want their day to go smoothly.

"your" as a general term

EDIT TO ADD: and realistically, my kids would probably prefer to be at their grandmother's house anyway

[Gráinne]

I too have three kids (one with Downs') and would not be offended. I've attended several adult weddings, and enjoyed not having to corral the kids everywhere or watch their behavior.

In my own wedding, I hired a babysitter and a room for all the kids to go color/play. Two of my bridesmaids had nursing babies, so they had to come.

[not2shygrrl]

It seems that no matter the intent for leaving kids out of invites for a wedding....inevitably someone(s) in the family are insulted. In my family, and I stress ~my family~ leaving the kids out is something we don't do. The celebration is something when discussed at a later time the kids can also add in their good time and memories. Most caterers will accommodate kids if its a deal breaker. It was tried unsuccessfully once and has not been tried again at this point. I don't have kids, but if I did and if they were not invited....I would not attend. This includes the informal weddings up to the most formal. Nor would I be nasty about it.

[Breathless]

I have children, and I take no offence to adults only wedding . I kind of take offence to people taking offence?!? It is their money, and a lot of it, they should be able to spend how they choose. Their special day. It is not about you, and they loved you enough to invite you to share in it, be thankful :-) besides they are already stressed out about the mom/ dad/stepdad new super young wife family drama, don't add to it!!

**** you is generic, no really it is

[imperfect_cupcake]

at my goodbye party in england I asked that it be childfree. It was an afternoon event but it was the very last time I got to see most of my friends. I did not want to have to control my language nor watch what came out of my mouth (some of us were sex workers and many of us were into kink/bdsm and the jokes were not childfriendly). It was my last day with these people. I did not know if I'd ever see some of them again. I did not want to have to edit myself.

Once of my friends asked to bring her three boys. I said the above but added "if it's ok that they play in the next room with the door closed and music on, then that's fine. but you are aware of the adult conversation that will be taking place, because of some of our employment, right?"

she did not respond nor did she come, nor did we speak till I had been in canada for a couple of months. I think she was upset or pissed off. I was sad that she did not come but really, really... last day with people I had known for ten years. no. My conversations with them are not going to be child friendly.

There were kids at my wedding. and at my reception. it's up to the parent. they know what we are like. There were games and prizes that were not child friendly. It's amsterdam ffs. the few kids were taken upstairs by the parents that it mattered to. The kids were kept on a very short leash and put to bed very early. The party went to 4am. I woke up in the bed with five little stuffed sheep and my wife and don't recall getting there.

I figured it would be the parents job to make sure the kids stayed out of trouble, behaved and not see things they weren't supposed to. This happened.

If people want kid free weddings, I can understand, completely - perhaps their friends have kids that will be expected to accomodate them. But our wedding was not exactly child friendly and we did not make it to be so - there was no provisions made for them aside from a room upstairs that could be used to put them in away from the drinking, smoking, pot, dirty toasts, games with chocolate genitals as prizes, filthy drunk speeches later... a couple people dancing in their underwear with glued on fake moustaches to their crotches. it was the guests choice to bring the kids.

[Martina]

If you are making people travel, then I would expect them to bring their kids. If the kids have come a long way, it is rude to expect them to be babysat in a hotel room. I say create a separate space with fun stuff for them to do with a few parents and others sacrificing some party time to supervise. Or, make the reception later at night, when kids are asleep, and make sure that the kids have fun stuff to do all day.

I am all for adult only events, but I am not for making life hard for people with families.

I personally think that holding weddings at distant places where practically everyone invited has to travel to is asking a lot. If you are going to do that, then make sure everyone who makes the effort to be there has a good time.

[GraffitiBoi]

When my ex fiance and I were planning our wedding we wanted everyone to be able to attend, including their children, but we also knew there were some instances where we thought it best if children under a certain age were not allowed to attend. We arranged for there to be a separate room with free day care for the children to go to during these times (we were covering the cost). This way our friends who couldn't find, couldn't afford, or didn't want to hire babysitters could still come and enjoy the day with us. We weren't going to ban children from the ceremony, we only asked that if they were unruly or caused a disturbance that the parents please take them outside.

[Blade]

I've been to wedding where there were no kids. I don't know if that was by design or because the parents realized that it would be an inappropriate event for their kids, such as biker weddings.

I think it is perfectly ok for a bride/groom to request no children at their wedding, for whatever reason or for no reason at all.

I've seen kids at weddings that stole the show and were the life of the party. I've also seen kids at weddings that should have been taken outside and given something to cry about. Then there is the restless kid that can't be still for 20 minutes, and the crying baby that the Mom won't take outside.

So yeah I think is to each his/her own as to how they want their wedding handled in all aspects of it.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I love love love to attend weddings, I love them even more when they are kid free, not because I don't like kids, but because sometimes I love adult time more than time with kids in it....

[*Anya*]

I raised two children and have 5 grandchildren (yikes).

I have gone to a couple of weddings with children and a couple without.

No children please!

Please.

There is nothing like talking, crying and screaming kids while straining to hear vows or having children running around the reception.

Nothing like it at all.

[bright_arrow]

I remember my cousin having an adult-only wedding, and being 16, I was mighty offended! But, eh, whatever.

We did go adult-only reception due to limit of people and costs, mostly. Open bar, and 4 hour reception, and all my family staying in the hotel with us were other reasons.

I admit, I was a bit pissed when people RSVP'd 4 people [with their kids].. but I figured someone was bound to do it.. And when I had 23 people not show [and not return my calls/texts] and lost the $40 p.p. on people who DID RSVP and didn't show.. Hell.

Not sure what was more awkward, telling people it was adults-only or figuring out a polite way to ask for cash gifts [as we already owned a house and all the crap we needed to go with it!]

[aishah]

my tolerance for "child-free" spaces is very limited (and for the record, i don't have or want kids). i do not believe people are entitled to child-free spaces and i see it as a part of a larger social problem the way children are treated in our society. that said, i get that people have an attitude of "it's my personal private party and i should get to exclude whomever i want." so, whatever. i would not attend a child-free wedding on principle, just like i wouldn't attend a gay-free wedding or a black-free wedding or an elder-free wedding or any other wedding that excluded an entire group of people. i do think that offering childcare or child-friendly activities at the wedding could be a nice compromise.

[Apocalipstic]

I work a lot of weddings and a lot of it is cost related. People spend so much money and they might want an elegant adult evening on rented chairs, rented tables, linen they will have to replace of it is damaged. I've seen so many weddings where no one is minding the kids and they run around tying chairs to tables with napkins, filling salt shakers with ketchup, locking all the bathrooms from inside. I've even seen centerpieces caught on fire by budding pyros.

On the other hand, weddings be a wonderful family event with good planning.

Its about how the people getting married want to enjoy their special day. Its not about what is convenient for the guests and about who might be offended