"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

[imperfect_cupcake]

It can be if you are a control freak. I gave control over to other people so I didn't have to deal with any arguments about anything. And people *ate that up*

We had almost no money. People cooked the food, our friends gave us their house in the Jordan to have the reception in, the english DJs (friends of inks) donated their time as our wedding gift and we found them free couches to sleep on in Amsterdam. Inks english guests and mine, we got them a deal at a very inexpensive little boutique hotel and those that could not afford that, we found couches for.

When I arrived to Centraal Station with my GIGANTIC TRUNK of a wheelie suitcase, we walked through the snow and ice, dragging the bags to the house. It was hard work and it was stunning in Amsterdam with the fresh snow. Some of our guests got snowed in and had to stay longer.

When I arrived at the house this was the first thing I saw:



As a piss take for the front area display you can see from the little cobbled street, was this obnoxious pink pony they bought me as a wedding gift (!!!!!). I loved it. It whinnied and made clippy cloppy noises. Yes a couple drunk people wound up on it. More drunk people wore my veil though. I was amused.

they had done the whole bottom floor in white christmas trees of varying sizes, snow, pink and silver glitter, and pink, white, clear, silver and red christmas balls hung on fishing wire and strung with white fairy lights every where. Then my two hosts dressed up as Wedding Fairies with wings and old 80's punk outfits and Danish christmas hats.

they were at the wedding like that as ushers.

The cake, it cost me about £20 to make for 50 people and the top part is vegan. It's Matrimony Cake, prairie recipe from gramma and everyone LOVED it. It was hoovered in minutes. For decorations, I asked everyone to give me little toys that they had. My maid of honour took two of her My Little Ponies and adjusted them- she made one with a mohawk and butch (inks) and mine had a long tail of metalic butterflies. They were amazing, and it was her wedding gift to us.

My wedding dress: £10 matilan, wedding shawl £12 ebay, Veil made by my mother, wig £20 Dalston Market and I styled it myself, Shoes £30 internet shoe sale, stockings £15 but had to order from germany. I already owned the corset and underwear. Entire wedding outfit: £82. that's about $130? Inks was the same. She ordered from ebay, made stuff, and that's her Drag King tiarra. She wore glittering humming birds on her cheeks. She looked great.



Weddings do not have to be traumatic or expensive. And it should reflect the couple. I loved my wedding. It was so *fun*
I never wanted a traditional marriage and I didn't have one. All our wedding savings were stolen and we had to do it everything, including the licence (300 euros) on £850. (about $1,350). All of our wedding gifts were people doing something for the wedding or donating to giving us a two day honeymoon in amsterdam.

I don't understand weddings that cost massive amounts. My marriage did not last. But at least I had a blast at my wedding and I didn't go in debt for it.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

It can be if you are a control freak. I gave control over to other people so I didn't have to deal with any arguments about anything. And people *ate that up*

We had almost no money. People cooked the food, our friends gave us their house in the Jordan to have the reception in, the english DJs (friends of inks) donated their time as our wedding gift and we found them free couches to sleep on in Amsterdam. Inks english guests and mine, we got them a deal at a very inexpensive little boutique hotel and those that could not afford that, we found couches for.

When I arrived to Centraal Station with my GIGANTIC TRUNK of a wheelie suitcase, we walked through the snow and ice, dragging the bags to the house. It was hard work and it was stunning in Amsterdam with the fresh snow. Some of our guests got snowed in and had to stay longer.

When I arrived at the house this was the first thing I saw:



As a piss take for the front area display you can see from the little cobbled street, was this obnoxious pink pony they bought me as a wedding gift (!!!!!). I loved it. It whinnied and made clippy cloppy noises. Yes a couple drunk people wound up on it. More drunk people wore my veil though. I was amused.

they had done the whole bottom floor in white christmas trees of varying sizes, snow, pink and silver glitter, and pink, white, clear, silver and red christmas balls hung on fishing wire and strung with white fairy lights every where. Then my two hosts dressed up as Wedding Fairies with wings and old 80's punk outfits and Danish christmas hats.

they were at the wedding like that as ushers.

The cake, it cost me about £20 to make for 50 people and the top part is vegan. It's Matrimony Cake, prairie recipe from gramma and everyone LOVED it. It was hoovered in minutes. For decorations, I asked everyone to give me little toys that they had. My maid of honour took two of her My Little Ponies and adjusted them- she made one with a mohawk and butch (inks) and mine had a long tail of metalic butterflies. They were amazing, and it was her wedding gift to us.

My wedding dress: £10 matilan, wedding shawl £12 ebay, Veil made by my mother, wig £20 Dalston Market and I styled it myself, Shoes £30 internet shoe sale, stockings £15 but had to order from germany. I already owned the corset and underwear. Entire wedding outfit: £82. that's about $130? Inks was the same. She ordered from ebay, made stuff, and that's her Drag King tiarra. She wore glittering humming birds on her cheeks. She looked great.



Weddings do not have to be traumatic or expensive. And it should reflect the couple. I loved my wedding. It was so *fun*
I never wanted a traditional marriage and I didn't have one. All our wedding savings were stolen and we had to do it everything, including the licence (300 euros) on £850. (about $1,350). All of our wedding gifts were people doing something for the wedding or donating to giving us a two day honeymoon in amsterdam.

I don't understand weddings that cost massive amounts. My marriage did not last. But at least I had a blast at my wedding and I didn't go in debt for it.

Fabulous! Esp pink pony!

Agree on really expensive weddings...why start "happily ever after" in massive debt?

[apretty]

I'm eager for a child-free personal space at any given time. Unless it's an exceptional, well-read and mannered child that's not extremely attached to a personal electronic device--but that applies to adults, too.

[Words]

HB, LOVE the description of your wedding.

O/our wedding in Vancouver was done on a budget too (all of it was arranged with Blue in the States and me in Israel so eBay was definitely O/our friend), and apart from U/us, the only people there were the marriage officiant and two volunteer witnesses (one of the first same sex couples to get married in Canada who acted as witnesses for couples from other countries). It was beautiful and although I know that both O/our familes would have liked to be present what mattered to U/us was that W/we were married even if, at that point, W/we were unable to live in the same country.

So, my view on adult only/childless weddings is no different to my view on weddings in general, i.e., that folks should respect the wishes of the couple involved, be it in regard to the guest list, the venue, or any other aspect of the day. They don't have to 'approve', but they should at least respect the fact that it's not their day to plan.

Words

[Ginger]

I can't get past the fact that someone said she can't go to a wedding because she can't get childcare.

Usually you have a couple months or more lead time before a wedding. To be so isolated you can't find someone to watch your kids in that amount of time, or to not be able to save up for a few hours of childcare in that amount of time isn't that unusual, I guess. But wow. That feels harsh.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I can't get past the fact that someone said she can't go to a wedding because she can't get childcare.

Usually you have a couple months or more lead time before a wedding. To be so isolated you can't find someone to watch your kids in that amount of time, or to not be able to save up for a few hours of childcare in that amount of time isn't that unusual, I guess. But wow. That feels harsh.

I am lucky that my wife and i make a good living, but i know people who go without food and medicine so their children can eat a meal a day. Easy for us to say that someone could save for childcare, or find a sitter that won't molest our kids...not everyone has a support system.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I am lucky that my wife and i make a good living, but i know people who go without food and medicine so their children can eat a meal a day. Easy for us to say that someone could save for childcare, or find a sitter that won't molest our kids...not everyone has a support system.

I also know people who don't travel without their kids, and a lot of weddings require travel. Many people do not leave their young children for two days at a time. Friends of mine have a child with severe allergies, allergies that can be fatal. They prefer to supervise what their child eats. Leaving him with others requires a lot of training and a lot of faith. In my opinion a wedding may not be worth the worry.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I am lucky that my wife and i make a good living, but i know people who go without food and medicine so their children can eat a meal a day. Easy for us to say that someone could save for childcare, or find a sitter that won't molest our kids...not everyone has a support system.

I wasn't saying they could save for a sitter and were choosing not to.

Or maybe that's not what you were saying I was saying (confusing, sorry).

Anyway, perhaps unnecessarily, I'll clarify and say, I was just saying, I feel bad for anyone in that situation who is isolated or without options.

I lived with someone with a kid for 2.3 years. We were very isolated, with no childcare options, and never did anything together, just us, for us. A wedding that excluded kids, we would have declined. It's a moot point now, but I'll always have more empathy for people in that situation because of it.

That said, I think people have a right to make their wedding be any kind of event they want, with kids, without, whatever. I would never resent that.