Adult Children Moving Home

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I do though as a parent believe that my number one priority is to take care of my own retirement so that my daughter won't have to.

This is another topic I have been reading a bit about in the financial magazines. As stepfordfemme noted, the cost of college is ridiculously high now. Historically, parents (for those that were able), typically tried to save for both retirement and pay for their children's education costs. With the crazy high costs of education (and the 2008 stock market drop where many lost half their retirement savings), this is no longer possible.

The question is, would your child prefer you pay for their college and then move in with them when you retire? Or would they prefer you cover your retirement and not live with them during retirement?

Right now the trend is towards parents putting every dime into paying for their children's college and not funding their retirement. The economy/advice experts are suggesting that parents fund their retirement first and then give to the kids what they can for college.

[PoeticSilence]

I was lucky enough that my oldest boy paid for his schooling as he went along while his wife took out loans and her family helped her. She has a lot of debt, and because he lived at home for many years while he worked and paid off his debts, my son has very few. She also has a better job as a physical therapist and he's an accountant.

My daughter was a 4.3 average in H.S. and took out a few loans while going through her first four years of University. She graduated with honors in the field of astrophysics, and was offered a free ride and a thirty thousand dollar a year stipend at John Hopkins while she got her Masters and she's finishing her Doctorate. All she had to do was teach school during that time. She's taken a bit of loans out via credit cards to cover some costs because Baltimore is so expensive, but all in all, she's not doing badly.

When I became disabled, both kids came home immediately. While they were here they helped out and did some clean up for me. I felt more than embarrassed because I'm usually the one that runs everything. I was very comforted though.

My daughter and son spoke at great lengths, when she finishes getting her Doctorate she wants to buy a larger house for me and my wife and all of our pet-family to move in with her, but first she wants to stay here with us while she takes some time off of academia and does something for herself for a while. I suggested maybe doing something like hiking across Europe or maybe taking a year off and teaching on a reservation, or working on a ranch. Anything that will let her unwind and work off the stress of academia.

My kids grew up with me working two jobs to make sure they had what they wanted, even sending them money if they needed it, however I could get it. They are proud of me, they tell me often, and I'm proud of them. School debt is terrible, I'd love to be able to pay my daughters off. She's worked hard to get where she is, and the free ride the last few years has been a big fat help. No matter what happens, I know that if they come home to live with me, or if I go to live with them, it's what we all want.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by PoeticSilence

I was lucky enough that my oldest boy paid for his schooling as he went along while his wife took out loans and her family helped her. She has a lot of debt, and because he lived at home for many years while he worked and paid off his debts, my son has very few. She also has a better job as a physical therapist and he's an accountant.

My daughter was a 4.3 average in H.S. and took out a few loans while going through her first four years of University. She graduated with honors in the field of astrophysics, and was offered a free ride and a thirty thousand dollar a year stipend at John Hopkins while she got her Masters and she's finishing her Doctorate. All she had to do was teach school during that time. She's taken a bit of loans out via credit cards to cover some costs because Baltimore is so expensive, but all in all, she's not doing badly.

When I became disabled, both kids came home immediately. While they were here they helped out and did some clean up for me. I felt more than embarrassed because I'm usually the one that runs everything. I was very comforted though.

My daughter and son spoke at great lengths, when she finishes getting her Doctorate she wants to buy a larger house for me and my wife and all of our pet-family to move in with her, but first she wants to stay here with us while she takes some time off of academia and does something for herself for a while. I suggested maybe doing something like hiking across Europe or maybe taking a year off and teaching on a reservation, or working on a ranch. Anything that will let her unwind and work off the stress of academia.

My kids grew up with me working two jobs to make sure they had what they wanted, even sending them money if they needed it, however I could get it. They are proud of me, they tell me often, and I'm proud of them. School debt is terrible, I'd love to be able to pay my daughters off. She's worked hard to get where she is, and the free ride the last few years has been a big fat help. No matter what happens, I know that if they come home to live with me, or if I go to live with them, it's what we all want.

This is a great story. Thanks for sharing about your kids.

[Ginger]

I don't have kids but I think the ideal home would be a multi-occupant dwelling with both private and shared areas, good sound proofing and not-necessarily-large, but well ventilated, quiet, both sunny and shady outdoor space, and some kind of consensus process about who is admitted as tenants leave and their space is filled by someone else.

I could see parents and their adult kids living in this kind of habitat.

(Okay, dubious way to weasel into this discussion. But the discussion triggered it.)

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

This is another topic I have been reading a bit about in the financial magazines. As stepfordfemme noted, the cost of college is ridiculously high now.

...

Right now the trend is towards parents putting every dime into paying for their children's college and not funding their retirement. The economy/advice experts are suggesting that parents fund their retirement first and then give to the kids what they can for college.

Public colleges and universities are still affordable and even though the interest rate on college loans just went up a little, it's still about half the interest most loans incur.

I work in a college where over half the students attend tuition-free because they income qualify. Most of the rest benefit from some kind of scholarship fund and even those who pay full tuition pay only about $4,000 a year.

Start at a community college and save money on your transferable, intro- level classes. Transfer to a public university and meanwhile, research what kind of merit fellowships are out there as you gain credibility with a high GPA and the other stuff you accrue—a record of public service, etc.

Anyway that's what I recommend for people entering college. Unless of course they get some kind of incredible deal at a private college right at the start, based on their remarkable high school record and often, ethnic identity.

My point is, families don't have to lose their savings to put their kids through college. I never knew that till I fell ass backwards into fellowships and later, worked in a public university system.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Public colleges and universities are still affordable and even though the interest rate on college loans just went up a little, it's still about half the interest most loans incur.

I work in a college where over half the students attend tuition-free because they income qualify. Most of the rest benefit from some kind of scholarship fund and even those who pay full tuition pay only about $4,000 a year.

Start at a community college and save money on your transferable, intro- level classes. Transfer to a public university and meanwhile, research what kind of merit fellowships are out there as you gain credibility with a high GPA and the other stuff you accrue—a record of public service, etc.

Anyway that's what I recommend for people entering college. Unless of course they get some kind of incredible deal at a private college right at the start, based on their remarkable high school record and often, ethnic identity.

My point is, families don't have to lose their savings to put their kids through college. I never knew that till I fell ass backwards into fellowships and later, worked in a public university system.

IslandScout, do you work at a community college or a college/university?

I agree about going to community college first. Our son (TF's son), was successful in getting a deal with our local university. Although his classes were held at the local community college, he was a university student. After two years he would receive a liberal arts associates degree from the university. As long as he kept his grades to a C, he would transfer to the "main campus" and finish out his Bachelor's degree. To boot, the associates degree is paid for by the State, as long as you keep your grades at a high C. If not, you are only looking at $4,000/year.

The State will also pick up the tab for the community college students (for a two year degree in whatever they choose, I think). For both programs, the requirment is that you must go right out of high school. It is pretty freaking amazing.

And yes, when I made the statement about college funding/retirement funding, I was speaking about parents with children who went straight to 4 year schools, not those who started at community colleges.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I agree about going to community college first. Our son (TF's son), was successful in getting a deal with our local university. Although his classes were held at the local community college, he was a university student. After two years he would receive a liberal arts associates degree from the university. As long as he kept his grades to a C, he would transfer to the "main campus" and finish out his Bachelor's degree. To boot, the associates degree is paid for by the State, as long as you keep your grades at a high C. If not, you are only looking at $4,000/year.

The State will also pick up the tab for the community college students (for a two year degree in whatever they choose, I think). For both programs, the requirment is that you must go right out of high school. It is pretty freaking amazing.

And yes, when I made the statement about college funding/retirement funding, I was speaking about parents with children who went straight to 4 year schools, not those who started at community colleges.

That's really great, Dapper. Oftentimes, kids get better academic supervision and mentoring at community colleges. And the cc's that are part of a large university system are protected from becoming workforce development factories and continue to develop their liberal arts offerings. Also, professors at "good" community colleges encourage students to compete in things and attend conferences that are traditionally dominated by 4-year schools.

And in the end, it's the bachelor's degree and beyond that matters, IMO.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

That's really great, Dapper. Oftentimes, kids get better academic supervision and mentoring at community colleges. And the cc's that are part of a large university system are protected from becoming workforce development factories and continue to develop their liberal arts offerings. Also, professors at "good" community colleges encourage students to compete in things and attend conferences that are traditionally dominated by 4-year schools.

And in the end, it's the bachelor's degree and beyond that matters, IMO.

Yes, it is the bachelor's degree that matter, for certain. I also saw the mentoring that you speak of where TF's son was going. Excellent professors. It was a really interesting situation where they were University professors (employees of the local university), nestled within a community college. I understand the community college professors are excellent as well.

ETA: I realize my posts could be confusing as I am posting in a different area on the site about how TF's son is leaving for boot camp tomorrow. Although D was in the above program, he did not continue on that path. He was in it for one year (last year).