Ask a trans person!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

I actually feel a bit scared when this person calls me he. I don't want to let this person down when he's all sayin "I know your a man". It feels great to hear it, but it also makes me nervous too. Anyone who is now transitioned ever experience that?


-psykbutch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

[Nadeest]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

I agree with Dapper on this. This ain't Pleasantville, and you don't HAVE to be either one or the other. Find out what works for you, please.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

Precisely why I find the binary to be flawed. Humans are complicated creatures and no one human is going to be just like another. We all grow into our skin differently. Which is why I prefer the circle where we all come from and return to. The binary is too constrained to hold the vast array of human nature.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I'm not exactly sure why it makes you feel anxious when he calls you that. Perhaps because that doesn't totally fit you and so it doesn't "feel right"? You need to listen to your discomfort and gut response.

I think it is important you don't jump to conclusions about yourself and ask that others don't also. There are lots of people that do not fit in the binary. This is one of the first things I say to clients when I first start working with them. People can come to therapy in angst feeling like they must choose. You don't have to choose. You may be neither. You also may be male or female (the opposite of your assigned birth gender), but it may not suit you to "transition". It is important that people do not see the whole process as linear.

A FTM may decide to not go on hormones. A female bodied person who defines as a female, but who is masculine identified, may decide to go on hormones. A butch may get top surgery, but not define as trans in the slightest.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are variations of gender. Allow yourself to try ALL of them on.

/rambling pontificating

Dapper, the portion of your post that I highlighted above is the one notion I disagree with. A butch can be Transgender. When you said "Trans"n did you mean Transexual? For me, I am unsure if top surgery and hormones, testosterone, qualifies everyone as transexual. I like some others here see the binary as "flawed." I think the word "inadequate" is a more appropriate word when speaking about the short comings of the binary.

[agape]

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by agape

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

If you feel like you fit into the thread, than you do!

I am seeing more and more people who define as genderfluid and genderqueer attaching transgender to their identity.

This thread is also a place for people of all identities to ask questions. In fact, that is the point of the thread.

[agape]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

If you feel like you fit into the thread, than you do!

I am seeing more and more people who define as genderfluid and genderqueer attaching transgender to their identity.

This thread is also a place for people of all identities to ask questions. In fact, that is the point of the thread.

Thank you so much DapperButch! You are always very helpful and kind

I don't know where I feel I fit in but I do feel welcome here, both the thread and the site in general. It means a lot to me cause I don't always feel so welcome in my real-life community...

The term transgender confuses me a bit... The way I understand it is as an umbrella term for many types of identities when someone doesn't feel they fit into their at birth assigned gender. I would be most grateful to hear how ppl from the site read that.

[Nadeest]

The way that I understand and use the term 'transgender' is that it is someone who is gendervariant in some way. It is an all inclusive term including, but not limited to: transsexuals, drag queens, drag kings, tranvestites, and genderqueer people. Transsexual, on the other hand, is a much more restricted term, whose meaning is limited to people whose gender identity is different then what is presumed, when looking at their body. However, not everyone in the transgender world agrees with these useages/meanings. Yep, things get kinda confusing around transfolk, sometime. :P

[agape]

I would like to ask a question if anyone would like to give your thoughts about this: I wonder how you view "masculinity" as in clothes, behavior, energy etc in regards to someone identifying as male (I realize that what is considered "masculine" is relative but still...).
For example: how would you view a person identifying as male but still behaving/dressing in feminine ways, would you consider that confusing? The reason I ask is because I have encountered this issue when discussing transgender-issues, that gender and gender expression seem to be viewed by many ppl as almost one and the same. So when someone id's as male they are expected to dress, behave in a masculine way. (The same when someone id's as female...)
Personally, after both my own inner journey and also after doing some research/reading, I feel that gender and gender expression are two separate things... Meaning that it's possible for someone to id as male and still be very feminine.
I also feel that masculinity and femininity are more of a sort of energy/personality and don't have much to do with clothes, haircut and so on (but it could of course be expressed through those things).
I'm very curious to hear what others think about this!

[Nadeest]

Originally Posted by agape

I don't know if I belong to this thread... I consider myself transgender of the "genderfluid variety" which basically means that my gender changes with time/situation/ppl I interact with etc...

I think it's great having a thread like that so that ppl can politely ask questions. Better to ask than to assume things, right?

You belong here, agape, and welcome.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Dapper, the portion of your post that I highlighted above is the one notion I disagree with. A butch can be Transgender. When you said "Trans"n did you mean Transexual? For me, I am unsure if top surgery and hormones, testosterone, qualifies everyone as transexual. I like some others here see the binary as "flawed." I think the word "inadequate" is a more appropriate word when speaking about the short comings of the binary.

Hi, Greyson. All I was saying is that there are butches that get top surgery that do not define as trans. I was not saying a butch can't be transgender (I am one of them!).

A person is who they tell us they are, not what they do or don't do to their bodies.

Meaning, I agree with you!

What I try to get across to clients is that they DON'T have to fit in the binary. Often gender questioning clients come into my office assuming that they have to fit.

Does this clarify things?

P.S. When I use the word "trans" I am including both transgender people and transsexual people (FTM/MTF). I believe that this is the current accepted meaning behind the use of the term trans in the queer community.