FTM's and Transitioning

[atomiczombie]

I need some support.

As many of you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I am fully clear and confident in my transmasculine/transgender male identity, mind you. I know who I am and who I am not.

That said, I am at a place in my life where it is now time to contact my doctor to start testosterone therapy and transition physically. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, it seems my anxiety has ratcheted up. I don't have doubts about who I am or whether this is really what I want, I swear! I am totally clear about who I am and have been for several years. I want to physically transition. I need to physically transition. I want to feel whole.

So why am I so anxious about making that call? I have no freakin' idea, and I wonder if any other guys have felt this way and how they have dealt with it. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Drew

[Linus]

I'm gonna take a stab at this, Drew. I wonder if it's fear of a doctor saying "No, you're not!" and questioning your decision to take this path. Does it bother you when someone doesn't clue in that you're a guy?

[Jet]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I need some support.

As many of you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I am fully clear and confident in my transmasculine/transgender male identity, mind you. I know who I am and who I am not.

That said, I am at a place in my life where it is now time to contact my doctor to start testosterone therapy and transition physically. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, it seems my anxiety has ratcheted up. I don't have doubts about who I am or whether this is really what I want, I swear! I am totally clear about who I am and have been for several years. I want to physically transition. I need to physically transition. I want to feel whole.

So why am I so anxious about making that call? I have no freakin' idea, and I wonder if any other guys have felt this way and how they have dealt with it. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Drew

This is not an easy choice to make for some...there are variables. Maybe you should touch base in the PTSD and recovery thread. They could give you input about why you're not at peace. One thing is certain...honesty about everything is everything.

I'm a trauma survivor. I had to put my T sessions on hold because of PTSD and reaching its core. I will start this year, but it's delayed because of this. I don't want the effects of T entwined with trauma issues. It could be distasterous. Honesty and more honesty.

[The Oopster]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=1184

Hey I would appreciate any and all participation on the above thread!

Thanks

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I need some support.

As many of you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I am fully clear and confident in my transmasculine/transgender male identity, mind you. I know who I am and who I am not.

That said, I am at a place in my life where it is now time to contact my doctor to start testosterone therapy and transition physically. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, it seems my anxiety has ratcheted up. I don't have doubts about who I am or whether this is really what I want, I swear! I am totally clear about who I am and have been for several years. I want to physically transition. I need to physically transition. I want to feel whole.

So why am I so anxious about making that call? I have no freakin' idea, and I wonder if any other guys have felt this way and how they have dealt with it. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Drew

Maybe this is "too simple", but it could be the fear of being judged.

That's what the anxiety was about for me.....plain and simple.

As for dealing with it... Having an ally beside you will certainly help.

It's scary shit, Drew, so I can honestly say that I feel ya.

Take a deep breath and make the call.....without apology. You can do it.

Good luck.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I need some support.

As many of you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I am fully clear and confident in my transmasculine/transgender male identity, mind you. I know who I am and who I am not.

That said, I am at a place in my life where it is now time to contact my doctor to start testosterone therapy and transition physically. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, it seems my anxiety has ratcheted up. I don't have doubts about who I am or whether this is really what I want, I swear! I am totally clear about who I am and have been for several years. I want to physically transition. I need to physically transition. I want to feel whole.

So why am I so anxious about making that call? I have no freakin' idea, and I wonder if any other guys have felt this way and how they have dealt with it. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Drew

I had a lot of your same feelings. I think my stuff was

A) I'm old and tired. I spent my whole life fighting for queer rights, and I'm kinda tired of fighting. I don't have to 'talk about' being queer all the time anymore, because our rights have progressed. I didn't know if I wanted to have to go back 25 years into that bullshit again with trans issues, and anyone thinking they can ask any old question and be a complete asshat

B) The questions of just doing something new and different. Wondering if I was going to have regrets. Am I gonna lose my hair. Blah blah blah all that stuff.

C) Will I ever have another job? I mean, it's not like people are knockin' the door down to hire transfolks

D) Do I want to deal with other people's stupidity

E) Am I gonna get killed if I'm walkin' down the street, because of another person's hatred and all that

I had a lot of anxiety for a couple of years, and then, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to transition, and the more I put it off, the older I got...and I wasn't going to live my life at the expense of other people's comfort levels.


The Anxiety Will Pass (or at least it did for me),
Dylan

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I need some support.

As many of you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. I am fully clear and confident in my transmasculine/transgender male identity, mind you. I know who I am and who I am not.

That said, I am at a place in my life where it is now time to contact my doctor to start testosterone therapy and transition physically. Now that the moment of truth has arrived, it seems my anxiety has ratcheted up. I don't have doubts about who I am or whether this is really what I want, I swear! I am totally clear about who I am and have been for several years. I want to physically transition. I need to physically transition. I want to feel whole.

So why am I so anxious about making that call? I have no freakin' idea, and I wonder if any other guys have felt this way and how they have dealt with it. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Drew

I toatlly get the anxiety.

I'm at the point that it looks like I'll finally get my top surgery. I've been really anxious about it lately.

For me it's cause its change. Not only the physical change but the emotional mental change in that here is something I've been wanting for so long that just the process of wanting it and not knowing if and when it's going to happen has become a part of me.

Now it's a reality and that's just different. It's a new phase and it leaves this void of where my energy has been put because I'll no longer be able to think when is this going to happen and about how much I don't like my body. I'm sure i'll find something to replace it but it's scary not knowing what that is.

Also is means moving into new horizons that I can't even imagine at this point and that's sort of scary.

Hope that helps some

[atomiczombie]

hey guys, thanks for all the input, it really helps!

I did make that call, and saw my general practitioner. She referred me to an endo doc. I have an appointment on May 6th. I will need to bring a letter from my therapist, and that won't be a problem.

I think my freaking out did have a lot to do with that fear of being told no by my doctor. That didn't happen, so I am really excited about the next step now. I think any big change causes a spike in my anxiety because of the PTSD. The sign that I am healing from it is when it doesn't over-take me to the point where I am paralyzed and can't do anything. I moved through it this time and that is big progress for me.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

...... my anxiety because of the PTSD. The sign that I am healing from it is when it doesn't over-take me to the point where I am paralyzed and can't do anything. I moved through it this time and that is big progress for me.

....................

[NikiNik]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

hey guys, thanks for all the input, it really helps!

I did make that call, and saw my general practitioner. She referred me to an endo doc. I have an appointment on May 6th. I will need to bring a letter from my therapist, and that won't be a problem.

I think my freaking out did have a lot to do with that fear of being told no by my doctor. That didn't happen, so I am really excited about the next step now. I think any big change causes a spike in my anxiety because of the PTSD. The sign that I am healing from it is when it doesn't over-take me to the point where I am paralyzed and can't do anything. I moved through it this time and that is big progress for me.

I am so excited for you! You need to call your BFF!(best femme friend) I feel there is alot to catch up on! I miss you and love you very much!

[Leigh]

Well, I got to see a doctor on April 16th that is going to help Me to begin to start My transition. I have a couple more appointment scheduled for the end of May, to get blood work done and to talk to him about My past medical history. By the 4th or 5th appointment, he will have Me on T injections so I am very happy about that. He is also going to help Me with all of My future paperwork for things like future surgeries (hysto and top) as well as changing My marker on My birth certificate and changing My name legally ~ a very exciting time for Me

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Braedon

Well, I got to see a doctor on April 16th that is going to help Me to begin to start My transition. I have a couple more appointment scheduled for the end of May, to get blood work done and to talk to him about My past medical history. By the 4th or 5th appointment, he will have Me on T injections so I am very happy about that. He is also going to help Me with all of My future paperwork for things like future surgeries (hysto and top) as well as changing My marker on My birth certificate and changing My name legally ~ a very exciting time for Me

Congrats!!! You must be very excited about this. BTW, when you have the first shot, not a lot will happen afterward other than slight pain at the shot site

[Sam]

Originally Posted by Braedon

Well, I got to see a doctor on April 16th that is going to help Me to begin to start My transition. I have a couple more appointment scheduled for the end of May, to get blood work done and to talk to him about My past medical history. By the 4th or 5th appointment, he will have Me on T injections so I am very happy about that. He is also going to help Me with all of My future paperwork for things like future surgeries (hysto and top) as well as changing My marker on My birth certificate and changing My name legally ~ a very exciting time for Me

great news. good luck, you feel great after a few months.

[Liam]

Originally Posted by Braedon

Well, I got to see a doctor on April 16th that is going to help Me to begin to start My transition. I have a couple more appointment scheduled for the end of May, to get blood work done and to talk to him about My past medical history. By the 4th or 5th appointment, he will have Me on T injections so I am very happy about that. He is also going to help Me with all of My future paperwork for things like future surgeries (hysto and top) as well as changing My marker on My birth certificate and changing My name legally ~ a very exciting time for Me

Congratulations, Braedon!

[atomiczombie]

I started on Androgel today for the first time. Starting low at 2.5 g per day. In a month I check with my endo doc and see if she wants to take me up to 5g. This is it, the first day of the beginning of a new life, and I'm not scared at all.