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Old 10-17-2013, 05:04 PM   #1
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I see this is in the Butch Zone. Hope you mind our femme perspectives.

For me, I lean the same way Nat does.

1. Make a solid death plan (aka make it legal 'n shit)
2. Communicate said plan to all possible parties
3. Don't die

I think if you work on those things, it may help make the day to day indignities a bit easier to deal with.

Good luck and speedy healing!
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Old 10-17-2013, 05:41 PM   #2
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Watching the video and reading Nat's post actually made me open up a dialogue with a close, trusted friend of 10 years about being my medical power of attorney and beneficiary of my will and life insurance.

When I was in WA, it was a good friend of mine, but she is in poor health and 2100 miles away, so I set it up to be my sister. But she doesnt really know me, so would my wishes be respected or would something else be done/decided re: my medical, after death, etc decisions?

So after talking with my friend, I am changing over my medical POA (advanced directive) and insurance beneficiary and will executor information to her. She's a good strong femme woman who wont let my family bully her into doing things she knows I wouldnt want (and she'll get rid of my butch "stuff" if necessary )

Incidentally, I have a copy of my medical POA with my medical record at the VA, but I also keep a copy in a lock box at home as well as a copy in my truck should I get into an accident and end up at a non-VA hospital. I also carry an "ICE" form in my wallet with emergency contact info, info about my dogs so that if I am in a hospital someone knows to check on them, info about my medical POA and its location, etc.

Whether we're healthy or sick, these are all things we probably hate thinking about, but things we need to think about - especially as gay people - and most especially as gay people who may live with their significant other in a state or country that does not have marriage equality yet.

If everything is written down and notarized and you have a medical POA and a will, things *should* be done according to your wishes. Hopefully.

Thanks for bringing it up - I feel much better about the person I have chosen to represent me should I become incapacitated.
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Old 10-17-2013, 06:43 PM   #3
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Thank you for sharing this. It is scary to be in the hospital. Having dealt with Mom, and then immediately after her death, my spouse in the hospital I think the most important thing we can do is have someone there as an advocate. We all need advocates in our medical system!

The body and gender issues were difficult for Greyson. For the most part the staff were very respectful but sometimes they had to be reminded to use the correct pronouns. We went in and talked to all the managers after his stay in a big meeting. It was kind of scary but I am glad we did it and especially that Greyson agreed to share his experience as a Transmasculine butch.

I hope you will come out of your experience healed. Don't die is a great plan!
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Old 10-17-2013, 07:14 PM   #4
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I want to die alone. Who wants a bunch of people around just waiting for you to take your last breath? No thanks. I want to die alone in my house. I don't want to die in some noisey hospital with a bunch of IV's in my arm, or a breathing tube down my throat.
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Old 10-17-2013, 07:20 PM   #5
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Personally, I don't want a huge funeral. I just want to be cremated and let my ashes fly over the property that my grandparents own and that still belongs to my family members. I am butch but not male identified. I just don't care what happens to my body after I am gone. Mom knows not to put me in a dress, so do both my sisters and my cousins. I've told my mom what I wanted and told my cousins.I need to cover this with my sisters as well.
I just need to get my funeral arrangements paid for to cover the cost of my ashes and stuff, this way no one can change a thing unless THEY are paying for it, and let my family members know where to find papers for my prepaid arrangements and what to do with my ashes after I am gone.

I kinda think everyone should try to have some kind of plan in action thing to take care of things so their loved ones don't have to go through all that stuff.
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Old 10-17-2013, 08:18 PM   #6
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Seeing as how several have mentioned their after life plans, I wanted to add....that when the day come that the Universe claims my energies back, I want my body cremated and would love to have this done with my ashes: Bios Urn, and I would request a Sequoia, Mountain Huckleberry or a Pacific Madrone, and have the urn "planted" in one of my favourite places
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Old 10-17-2013, 08:53 PM   #7
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I don't call it "End Game" just good future planing for myself and faimly bio or other wise.Last year I had a lawyer draw a will up for my request of plands.My son James is my executor of my intire estate,he will become full parent to all my fur kids as they all have formed a huge bond.He also will inherit my full estate lock stock and smokeing barrels,if he passes before me my cousin will take over in the same way.My son knows my wishes incase I get into a veggitative state,we had many a long talk about this cause I know full well how he will fell in doing this cause we did this for my mother.I am to be creamated ,I want a amazon funierl but the law says I can have a pyree burning out in the feilds so I will follow the law to do it leagle.When it's done I have an urn I bought years ago that has the amazon symbols on it for a warrior,leader,parent.I don't wan't a funirel; I want a big party celebrateing life hear an over the bridge.
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Old 10-17-2013, 09:00 PM   #8
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Default Just to add a thought as well.............

Just to add another thought on this topic..........
If I am brain dead or need life support to breathe for me... NOT happening.
I"m an Organ Donor, and my family knows this as well as it is on my driver's license in my state and should make sure of that happening.
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Old 10-17-2013, 09:12 PM   #9
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First off, a big warm hug to you, Dykeumentary!! I am so sorry you have gone through all of this! Thank you for sharing your video and sparking an important discussion!

Truly, this just came up less than a week ago in my life: what to do in case of serious injury or illness? Who would be my decision maker? Who would speak up for my wishes? I need to make my wishes known, write them down, and share them.

Thankfully, our local hospital is very respectful of all families, however they may present. And you could certainly wear your boxers.

A good reminder to us all!

Oh, yeah! I like the plan of not dying, Dykeumentary!!
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