"End Game" for butches : )

[SleepyButch]

Interesting questions. For me when I die, I don't think that I will care much about what I am buried in even though I would prefer to be in a nice suit. My family knows my preferences and I seriously doubt they would put me in a dress but I do understand some people don't have those kind of loved ones.

I know a lot of people make burial arrangements before they ever plan to leave this earth. That would be an option. Go and talk to a funeral director. Express your wishes. Get that all set up down to what you want to wear.

I personally know a funeral director who teaches students and one of the messages she is trying to convey to them is that funerals should be a celebration of the deceased's life and not just for those that are left behind. This means that if someone wants to wear a suit or a dress, that is there option. If someone wants to play heavy metal music at their funeral even if there family objects, that is what should happen. I hope that for all of our sakes that this is the way of the future.


As far as being in a hospital, a lot of people feel like they lose their dignity during those times, not just Butches but everyone. People being made to wear gowns where their asses are hanging out. Having a catheter in, being poked and prodded at what seems like every second. It's never easy being sick and having to deal with this as well makes it that much worse.

Being a nurse myself I would suggest to just find a nurse/someone you trust and tell her/him your wishes. Hey, I prefer to wear my boxers. Hey, I don't want all of these people around when I'm being examined. It makes me uncomfortable. It is your prerogative to ask. A lot of times, hospitals have pants that you can wear instead of those awful gowns. Ask for them. The worse that could happen is they can say no. Someone around there has to be a patient advocate. All nurses should be even though I know that's not the case. They are all concentrating on getting you over your sickness and not thinking about the fact that you might be uncomfortable. Remind them.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you are going through.

[firegal]

This had a a bit of humor in it but also was a reminder of planning ahead.
My lil sis passed away this past February at home surrounded by her wife and me and a few loved ones. It was a reminder to me that we do need to deal with what may happen... To us.....if we choose to.

If we don't the ones that are left behind will have to deal/ make the decisions.

CRAP.... Gotta go quick and clean out THE drawer! Before I go to bed JUST in case!

Serious I do need to plan ahead!

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

~snip~

As far as being in a hospital, a lot of people feel like they lose their dignity during those times, not just Butches but everyone. People being made to wear gowns where their asses are hanging out. Having a catheter in, being poked and prodded at what seems like every second. It's never easy being sick and having to deal with this as well makes it that much worse.

Being a nurse myself I would suggest to just find a nurse/someone you trust and tell her/him your wishes. Hey, I prefer to wear my boxers. Hey, I don't want all of these people around when I'm being examined. It makes me uncomfortable. It is your prerogative to ask. A lot of times, hospitals have pants that you can wear instead of those awful gowns. Ask for them. The worse that could happen is they can say no. Someone around there has to be a patient advocate. All nurses should be even though I know that's not the case. They are all concentrating on getting you over your sickness and not thinking about the fact that you might be uncomfortable. Remind them.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you are going through.

I totally agree SleepyButch. Everyone does need an advocate while you are hospitalized or worse. Make sure someone that knows your wishes on how you want to be treated is with you during these times. Also remember that we nurses take an oath to be a patient advocate. I know i have, as i'm sure all nurses here, have stood nose to nose with doctors protecting our patient's privacy, wishes and personal needs. That is something we don't take lightly. Most of us take it seriously.

Talk to your nurse and if you are incapacitated to the point you can't talk, make sure someone you are close to will do that for you. Be open and honest to the staff and if your nurse seems as though they have forgotten why they are a nurse to begin with, ask for the charge nurse, the nurse manager and so on.

Getting someone pants to wear instead of a gown, being called "he" instead of "she", having a partner in the room, should be the easy stuff compared to why you are there to begin with. Stand up for yourself and don't be afraid to demand the respect as a patient that you deserve.

Back in the 80s when being gay wasn't cool (pardon the pun there) it was way more difficult to get hospital peeps to understand where you might be coming from. Today, even though it is still hard at times, it is better understood. Thanks to the people who educate, like Greyson and Julie for example.

Anyway, i ramble on this because i have seen it transform so much over the years. Bottom line....don't be afraid to tell hospital staff, especially your advocate, your nurse, how you EXPECT to be treated. It is your right.

[*Anya*]

I agree with all the nurses who have posted.

The time it becomes very difficult is when you are unconscious!

The first person that noticed was my advocate and if I did not have one-I shudder to think what may have happened to me.

Nurses are so busy now and have so many critical patients, my advocate noticed before medical personnel that my temp had spiked to 104.

If you need you go to the hospital for any reason, even if you think it is small and that you really do not want to bother your advocate "it's only something minor, I don't want to bother them"; please do it anyway!

Life can turn on a dime in the hospital and frequently does.

Dykeumentary, thank you for so courageously posting your video. I will show it to my own butch. She lives in a lot of denial about potential health-related issues and it scares me.

I hope your video will be the thing to spark a much-needed dialogue between us.

[dykeumentary]

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and words of support. I really appreciate them all. Thanks for watching the video, too. As an artist it feels important to share my work at this important time. And thank you to all the health care professionals who are writing. I could never do your job!

I'm glad we are having conversations about our wishes and plans.

Be well, everyone!

[Rockinonahigh]

A fue years ago I was taken to the E.R. cause a dam fool colt kicked me in the ribs vbreaking a two of them.After the xray plus cat skan I was put in a cube I was laying there doped up near naked for the world to see,I began to wake up then called for a nurse to cover me cause I couldnt reach the covers with out being in pain,she did as I ask but the doctor kep jerking the cover off when he came in then leaveing the room door open me freezing.I could reach the phone after some easy wiggling to get to it and called a friend who's wife worked in the hospitial then told him what was going on.In about two minits all hell broke loose whe the chief of staff came down chewing ass all the way down the line.I was put on priorty one then assinged an advocate who got me a scrub suit then some warm covers,then ask if needed anything.I told her I had been there for nearly six hours plus me being borderline diabetic with only a couple glasses of water and I could use some food or fruit she checked my chart then got me a can of diet coke along with an appla and banna.It wasnt long after that I got fixed up and a ride called to take me home.I am glad I called my friend cause I would have been there for no telling how long.They didnt even call my contact number wich was my son.I hear heads rolled over this.

[Sweet Bliss]

Originally Posted by dykeumentary

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and words of support. I really appreciate them all. Thanks for watching the video, too. As an artist it feels important to share my work at this important time. And thank you to all the health care professionals who are writing. I could never do your job!

I'm glad we are having conversations about our wishes and plans.

Be well, everyone!

Hello, how goes the project? What new projects are you working on?

Signed, your fan club

[LexiLove]

This has nothing to do with this thread overall but even though I don't know any of you..i want you to all be healthy, happy, and live long glorious lives. The idea of losing any of you wonderful people makes me sad. Ok, just had to say that.

[fatallyblonde]

thanks for the very poignant video, dykeumentary... I feel like the levity you gave it to underscored the more how difficult a subject it is.
I hope that all your wishes are abided by... everyone here. now I have to go have a little cry!

[dykeumentary]

Thank you Sweet Bliss and FatallyBlonde.

On Friday I'll have my last post-surgery follow-up, and I hope I will now be finished with hospitals forever.

I'm trying to figure out how to make another/better video about working class butches and our relationships to gynocological stuff. Also maybe a longer project about butches and softball. I am eager to play sports again.

I'm glad I survived.