Single FTM's & Femme's

[Soft*Silver]

the question I posed was about someone who was dating someone else....interesting enough, Gemme assumed they were in a relationship. And Jet addressed it as if they werent. I love it! This was exactly what I expected! Dating someone doesnt automatically mean they are in a relationship. And it doesnt give anyone sole "rights" to the other person.When I date, I simply date. Like Jet says, I dont want to feel the "ball and chains". I am up front when I date more than one person at a time. Dating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with. I am ok with someone dating other people while they date me...as long as, like Gemme says, the other person is aware he is dating both of us. I would NOT date someone, no matter how attractive or appealing they are, if they were intimate with someone else. Just not ok in my book.

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Originally Posted by Gemme

I want to hear from the person they are currently dating, even though people NEVER lie about their relationship status *eyeroll*. If THAT person tells me their relationship is open and/or poly and it's someone I am really interested in getting to know better, I would consider it. I'm not poly, but I think if all the stars were aligned just so, I would be open to that experience.

Originally Posted by Jet

this is one of the reasons I'm turned off about dating. the minute you go out with someone, they get dissed if you date other people. If I did date, i'd make it clear that it was casual with no serious intentions and that we are free to date other people. I don't like the feel of ball and chains.

[Liam]

Originally Posted by softness

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Ask him, if he is interested in her.

[DapperButch]

Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Originally Posted by Liam

Ask him, if he is interested in her.

Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

[Delish]

Hi all. I am new to the site and single and wanted to stop by and say hi

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Delish

Hi all. I am new to the site and single and wanted to stop by and say hi

Hi Delish! Welcome!

[Soft*Silver]

well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?
Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by softness

well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?

Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.

[Delish]

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.
__________________
-Dapper


I like that!

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.

oh me oh my o! You cant see where it can go wrong? mmmmm....lets say I like Mr O. Mr O is being publicly "admired" by Ms P. I, who I will refer to myself as Ms Q, steps in and says to Mr O...gee...I think you are swell. I know Ms O is interested in you but so am I. So Ms P then watches as Mr O and Ms Q (myself) engage in witty postings. OOOOO says Ms P...Ms Q is stepping in on my man! Doesnt she see how intent I am in my flirting? So Ms P goes to Ms Q and says Hey...I was here first. And Ms Q responds by saying, Hey I checked it out with Mr O and he says he likes me too. Upon which now Ms P boils because he was flirting with her and now he tells another woman she can flirt too? AND by Ms Q's own admission, she KNEW Ms P was interested in Mr O and went for him anyways???

So then all of Ms Ps friends get their panties in a bunch and start to pick apart any post Ms Q puts out there.

think not? Oh yeah...think again...

[Delish]

I understand what you are saying Softness. I have seen it done. Im not a jealous type person AT ALL and I say that if you are talking to someone online especially publicly, everything is up for interpretation. It shouldn't matter who talks to who IN MY OPINION as long as you and Mr O know where each other stands. OK its getting late...I hope that made sense lol

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by softness

oh me oh my o! You cant see where it can go wrong? mmmmm....lets say I like Mr O. Mr O is being publicly "admired" by Ms P. I, who I will refer to myself as Ms Q, steps in and says to Mr O...gee...I think you are swell. I know Ms O is interested in you but so am I. So Ms P then watches as Mr O and Ms Q (myself) engage in witty postings. OOOOO says Ms P...Ms Q is stepping in on my man! Doesnt she see how intent I am in my flirting? So Ms P goes to Ms Q and says Hey...I was here first. And Ms Q responds by saying, Hey I checked it out with Mr O and he says he likes me too. Upon which now Ms P boils because he was flirting with her and now he tells another woman she can flirt too? AND by Ms Q's own admission, she KNEW Ms P was interested in Mr O and went for him anyways???

So then all of Ms Ps friends get their panties in a bunch and start to pick apart any post Ms Q puts out there.

think not? Oh yeah...think again...

Oh....I understand now....yeah, not such a lovely situation...

[socialjustice_fsu]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?



Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

I just have to jump in here. I agree with softness that this is all so much more difficult on the internet - trying to establish where many of the butches 'are' in regard to availability, level of interest, and so on. For me, I live in a virtual drought of the butch-femme dynamic so this medium is vital to me. Mostly, I like being in the mix of intelligent people who are bright, insightful, and often strongly opinionated. I thrive on these kinds of things. I just never know where or how how to go about saying, "Hey, I am interested in you" and not feel like an intruder. I respect privacy and certainly am wary of sharing too much too soon. But I ask...how do you tactfully, respectfully inquire about getting to know someone on a more personal level than all the frivolous stuff I seem to think I might have down to an art? And, no, 'U-Haul' is not in my vocabulary.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu

I just have to jump in here. I agree with softness that this is all so much more difficult on the internet - trying to establish where many of the butches 'are' in regard to availability, level of interest, and so on. For me, I live in a virtual drought of the butch-femme dynamic so this medium is vital to me. Mostly, I like being in the mix of intelligent people who are bright, insightful, and often strongly opinionated. I thrive on these kinds of things. I just never know where or how how to go about saying, "Hey, I am interested in you" and not feel like an intruder. I respect privacy and certainly am wary of sharing too much too soon. But I ask...how do you tactfully, respectfully inquire about getting to know someone on a more personal level than all the frivolous stuff I seem to think I might have down to an art? And, no, 'U-Haul' is not in my vocabulary.

be direct, private and the classy woman that I know you to be. nice post, btw

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Liam

Ask him, if he is interested in her.

I dont know, Liam, if I would. Because why is it my business if he is interested in her or not? Is he accountable to me? And what if he is interested in her? Does that make me a competitor if I am interested in him? Or cant he date both of us if he is interested in me too? And if he could, then what difference does it make if he is interested in her?

but then there is femme code of ethics too. Sometimes a femme doesnt like it when another femme walks into her range of interest. Some might want him all to herself. Then what? Risk the chance of being seen as a love harpy? Musing them over to her and away from other femmes?

and it is harder to work this out online than it is in real life? I vote its harder on line. In real life you can engage in so much more interface...and watch body language...and get the sideways looks that tell so much of whats going on or what going to go on...

[Liam]

Originally Posted by softness

I dont know, Liam, if I would. Because why is it my business if he is interested in her or not? Is he accountable to me? And what if he is interested in her? Does that make me a competitor if I am interested in him? Or cant he date both of us if he is interested in me too? And if he could, then what difference does it make if he is interested in her?

but then there is femme code of ethics too. Sometimes a femme doesnt like it when another femme walks into her range of interest. Some might want him all to herself. Then what? Risk the chance of being seen as a love harpy? Musing them over to her and away from other femmes?

and it is harder to work this out online than it is in real life? I vote its harder on line. In real life you can engage in so much more interface...and watch body language...and get the sideways looks that tell so much of whats going on or what going to go on...

I have an appreciation for direct and forthright communication. It doesn't have anything to do with with me being accountable to anyone. If that isn't your style, it isn't your style. I guess if you are interested in someone, and you don't want to step on another femme's toes, then it is your business, but that is just how I see things.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by softness

tDating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with.

I respect your point of view. But I'd keep on dating regardless of intimacy because I'm not in a committed relationship. If who I'm dating doesn't like that idea, then she doesn't have to continue dating me. I'd respect that. For me, intimacy doesn't constitute any kind of steady dating or commitment. Jus' sayin'.

But honestly, I doubt whether I would want to be intimate anyway. heh.

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Jet

I respect your point of view. But I'd keep on dating regardless of intimacy because I'm not in a committed relationship. If who I'm dating doesn't like that idea, then she doesn't have to continue dating me. I'd respect that. For me, intimacy doesn't constitute any kind of steady dating or commitment. Jus' sayin'.

But honestly, I doubt whether I would want to be intimate anyway. heh.

and I respect that. If someone I was dating told me that was how he worked, I would either have to agree to it or make a determination I could not deal with it. And knowing me, I would have to bow out. And thats ok. Dating is dating. You date to enjoy the company of someone else...not to commit from the get-go.