Grieving

[Miss_J]

Tomorrow it will be a month since my father passed. I keep thinking I have these emotions under control until all of a sudden it blind sides me, I was re-caulking my bathtub and talking to my boi about how we need to replace several tile on the wall and did hy know how to do that? I said oh its ok honey I will just call my dad... Insert full blow meltdown here while sitting in the bathtub.

I understand that talking really does help and crying is normal and even anger is not unusual, but I don't think I can deal with these complete meltdowns much more.


I too have a brother who commited suicide when I was a teen. It was over half my lifetime ago and it still at times feels so fresh and raw even though I have really processed and worked through those emotions. I miss him and can't help but wonder what kind of man he would be, what kind of relationship would we have and how much fun we would have had picking on the folks.
Everyone here who has shared their personal losses very sincerely have my condolences and I understand.

[Jet]

I'm sorry about your father Miss J. I know what that feels like when loss is so new. You have my condolences as well.

[Laidbackgrly]

I lost my Mother in 94 some woman ran a stop sign hit her head on It was a complete shock I never got to know her as a adult As soon as I graduated high school I left home went off to school Life is so diffrent with out her I cant wait to see her again

[Gentle Tiger]

To all who share your grief and your stories, thank you.

[gaea]

I am glad i saw this thread.....

My mom passed away in June on the 10th....I have been dealing with my grief in my own way...Ive been hearing the words let it go just let it go and this disturbs me because im doing the best i can .....all on my own

I wish i had known about this thread before i might have been able to share in the grief steps...im still going through them

Its been ten years since my dad passed....i miss him terribly too...

[JazzyLou0102]

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to
more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing...it helps to reach out and express yourself.

Welcome to BFP

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

You sound so full of compassion and understanding of her pain.

As you say, they are together again now.

I must acknowledge also that this must of been a harrowing experience to discover her the way you did......

And when you met her and embarked on this relationship, moving in together you must of been full of hope for all the love and happiness that this union would bring.....seems it was to bring very different things.

Sending you love and support and wishing you gentle, healing days.

DC

[not2shygrrl]

Well Ma, 7 years ago. As I look at that number (1-2-3-4-5-6-)...7...seven....days, weeks, months, years...I understand the time that has gone by. I feel my heart break.....7....seven.....years could still be just seconds ago....7. The loss of you was a whirlwind for 13 days from beginning to end. Tho that time we had with you was truly a blessing, none of it prepared us for when you were gone. Just like that, the family rock, our Gibraltar. To say thank you cannot conceivably cover what I mean to say, what I want to say. So I say it here, where I know my words will be read, my heartbreak will be felt and others will understand. Sometimes, siblings just don't understand in that your love for me, and the relationships with women I have brought to you, the support and encouragement you openly gave me paved way for the family to accept and embrace me and my relationships. My siblings don't understand how complicated this is for many others who never had this support.

So all I can do is say what I feel, as I always have done. I feel as if I could never thank you enough for loving me no differently, for the life I do have and my happiness all had to do with how you expressed openly your unconditional love. I feel as if I need you here, not there. I feel you have done really well in raising me. I feel a need to hug you and sit with you and talk. I feel as if I need to see your smile.........I feel as if I am being selfish by wanting you here. I feel blessed to have had you for my Ma.
I feel grateful for a space to share this visually, thank you BFP

[not2shygrrl]

A lovely woman I was in a relationship with lost one of her daughters yesterday. She has two and this one she lost, the younger one, was a free spirit. Hiking, photography, a wiz at mathematics and went to a university in Utah for her Masters, eventually moving to Colorado, an adventurer in every aspect of her life. Loved her family, and sparkled from the inside and out. Never to be held back she has accomplished/experienced more in her 31 years of life than most people do in a lifetime. She was a sweet girl, gentle to all life.

My heart breaks for my ex, she flew across the US to be with her daughter who was in a very bad car accident. Her daughter and a friend were in a car hit from the rear. Both needed critical life sustaining measures, so far one of them has died (my ex's daughter) and the other is still fighting for her life.

I cannot reach out to her personally, it didn't end well between us. I have family members who will and I am comfortable with that. I can't even imagine. She herself is somewhat emotionally fragile normally. I can only pray for her broken heart to have strength to get through this and learn how to live life all over again. I pray for the family and that they have strength to endure this time of such sorrow. I pray for the soul of her daughter that has started a new life and home in a journey I believe we all will one day make. I continue to be at a loss emotionally, in shock and can express that here.

God , please help this family. There is so much heartbreak, pain and loss. Give them the strength needed, assurance and comfort that they are not alone in the loss of their loved one.
Amen

[Stone-Butch]

I lost my father in 2000 and my mother in 2005 and its like only yesterday we shared so many happy days. I miss you both so much, think of you often and love you as much as I did then. Just to hear your voices one more time but it is done and I am very sad.

[Shystonefem]

May is a difficult month for me. My mom's birthday is May 5th. I lost her when I was 21. My dad pass 3 years before my mom on May 20th.

I don't know if you ever get over the loss of a parent. I was extremely close to my dad and not really close to my mom in the end. Still, I dislike May a bit.