5 Signs You May Be Dating an E-Cheater

[bigbutchmistie]

Thank you all for your responses. Even if you didnt agree.. For some of us it rings true and others it doesnt. I just enjoyed the article and thought I'd share and get a different discussion going

[Dylan]

I think basing all of your future relationships off of past relationships only sets you up for being perpetually single.

I mean, yeah, there's a difference between using common sense and being a moron

But I also tend to think that if the same things keep happening with everyone you date, that has more to do with you than 'everyone you date'. When the only common variable is you, you're probably what's really at issue.

Looking for reasons NOT to date someone is kind of setting them up to fail, and you'll never find a partner. Yeah, some people are assholes, but if you treat everyone else like they're 'going to be an asshole, and I'm going to prove it by looking for any reason to prove that theory...see, look, you don't talk to me during these times. HA! gotcha fucker!" you're only setting yourself up.

If you look at the rest of the world as assholes just waiting to treat you badly, you'll definitely prove that's true...but maybe not because everyone really is an asshole, but because you treat everyone like they're an asshole.


Dylan

[Queerasfck]

I think for the most part you can put yourself out there to meet people online and in the real world and still be careful about what's you're risking. Especially in the beginning it shouldn't be a problem to casually get to know someone. I really don't see how there can be one time table for all. Everyone's situation is not the same. Especially as some have already mentioned if you are getting to know someone from out of town you may not have the money to fly/drive whatever to meet them right away. Sometimes rushing things is not good anyway. Also, desperation is not an attractive quality. At least in my opinion. If you start to play that tape over and over about how you're not ever going to meet someone, how lonely it is being single I'm not really sure you're going to be able to get or attract the kind of relationship that is lasting, stable and healthy.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Dylan

But I also tend to think that if the same things keep happening with everyone you date, that has more to do with you than 'everyone you date'. When the only common variable is you, you're probably what's really at issue.

If you look at the rest of the world as assholes just waiting to treat you badly, you'll definitely prove that's true...but maybe not because everyone really is an asshole, but because you treat everyone like they're an asshole.

I totally agree. I am highly suspicious of the perpetually-wronged-in-relationships folks. I mean, I feel bad for them. But . . . .

I get wanting to be single, too. But swearing off because people are too whatever is just not healthy. If you prefer being on your own, wahoooo. If you just don't think the world is fair or happiness is possible for you, it's definitely time for some personal work, IMO.

[Bit]

I think the time-frame guidelines might not apply to us in the butch-femme community, for one very simple reason: we're a very small community scattered all over the globe; quite often we find compatible partners quite far away. You can't expect to reasonably meet inside a month if the two of you are ten states apart and neither has the money for constant travel--or if you're in two different countries.

I also think the part about not meeting family wouldn't necessarily apply when so many of us are estranged from our families.

I do think that at least having contact with someone's friends is a very good idea--if your love interest is online, the friends are likely to be as well. But I wouldn't expect to meet the friends face to face unless the relationship moved face to face, yanno?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Bit,

I think you said it best for me. This site, and so many here I do consider my family. Maybe not blood, but still my family.

[Lynn]

I think the list brings up the kind of things you think about in hindsight. How many people do I know who ignored everything and trekked across country or across town to UHaul it with their own true loves? So many, it's hard to believe. I've also ignored the rational and sane, but fortunately, managed to end things before losing the farm. Truthfully, a list like this would have done very little for me, ahead of time. Everyone has to grow and learn from his or her own experiences. For every one of these warning signs, I can think of someone who would have benefitted from heeding the advice.

I agree that the best measure is the feeling in your own gut. But, sometimes your gut's voice is drown out by the insistent voices of other parts.

I can understand feeling despairing of ever meeting anyone or being cautious about finding someone, on line or in person. But, I can't imagine reaching the point where I would just throw up my hands and declare that there isn't anyone for me, on line or wherever. You just never know where you will meet someone. Closing off a door, for me, implies fear rather than openness. Coming from a place of fear or resentment is a good way to attract someone who is entirely inappropriate, based on my experience.

[Rockinonahigh]

Im not shure how I feel about online dateing cause sofar its been up and down,some of the ladies I meet cause we are not to far and some there is no way to do that..ive even dated the one sho were closer to me.I really dont see how I can be in an ldr and feel like we can have a real relationship unless we can be together in real time.I want to court and woo who ever she may be.I have friends on line but being,seeing and spending time with someone is really important to me its real dateing to me.I have had all of the above mentioned things happen to me,I got burned really bad a fue times so will be very careful about these things from now on.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Martina

I totally agree. I am highly suspicious of the perpetually-wronged-in-relationships folks. I mean, I feel bad for them. But . . . .

I get wanting to be single, too. But swearing off because people are too whatever is just not healthy. If you prefer being on your own, wahoooo. If you just don't think the world is fair or happiness is possible for you, it's definitely time for some personal work, IMO.

I am just as suspicious of the Knights and Knightess' in Shining Armour. If you want to rescue a princess or prince please for the love of god be honest about the fact that you're an Ogre.

[UofMfan]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I am just as suspicious of the Knights and Knightess' in Shining Armour. If you want to rescue a princess or prince please for the love of god be honest about the fact that you're an Ogre.

You hit the nail right on!

[morningstar55]

the topic of cheating ...... is always a touchy of subject.....
a lot of good postings here..........
but in light of it all....... here is a good song for the thread

....... haha

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I think basing all of your future relationships off of past relationships only sets you up for being perpetually single.

I mean, yeah, there's a difference between using common sense and being a moron

But I also tend to think that if the same things keep happening with everyone you date, that has more to do with you than 'everyone you date'. When the only common variable is you, you're probably what's really at issue.

Looking for reasons NOT to date someone is kind of setting them up to fail, and you'll never find a partner. Yeah, some people are assholes, but if you treat everyone else like they're 'going to be an asshole, and I'm going to prove it by looking for any reason to prove that theory...see, look, you don't talk to me during these times. HA! gotcha fucker!" you're only setting yourself up.

If you look at the rest of the world as assholes just waiting to treat you badly, you'll definitely prove that's true...but maybe not because everyone really is an asshole, but because you treat everyone like they're an asshole.


Dylan

Some good points here! Have to take off the blinders, sometime! Always a red-flag to me when a woman I am dating goes into a negative comparative mode.... I know that she is not really dating me.... Remaining emotionally stuck doesn't make for good relationship building skills.

Another set-up for failure is just not taking the time to process a prior relationship. Everyone has a different internal clock with this, but, really being over it, makes a difference in future relationship possibilities. No matter how i meet someone, if the conversations are heavily filled about an ex, I know its best to offer friendship and nothing else at the moment. maybe later something can develop.

Also, a rule I have is finding out about someone on my own... not via talk, gossip, ex's, etc.

Just thinking about the fact that I do know a fair amount of couples that began via the internet that are doing quite well. I agree with Words that common sense and some caution is a good thing here, but, how people meet to me, just doesn't correlate with how things could work out.