FTM place to vent and talk

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I was going to post this in the listening to each other thread ( excuse the wrong name please) then decided that it really belongs here or at least I hope so.

I have been on T for three or four months now. Not nearly long enough but thanks to already having my histro 16 years ago I have had some amazing and faster than usual results in some areas. I recently was hospitalized for phenomena (sp) and all kinds of tests were ran due to how bad it was. Anyways to make a long story short they found two large masses on each of my adrino glands during the testing. Right now I wish they had found anything else but that. I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

It is not official yet and I have another appointment with another Dr next Thursday about it nit I feel like my whole world has evaporated. I have been fighting the system and society for 40 years to look like the man I know I am and I am only 46 years old. I moved across the country and let go of everyone I knew in order to officially start my transition in January of this year.

I waited 5 months to see a doctor to start the T only to find out a month before the appointment that she was retiring and then another two months to get a doctor that was willing to treat me after having one that said he was until I asked so when do we start talking about hormone replacement therapy. Then all of a sudden I was speaking a foreign language it appears that he is willing to treat transgender individuals as long as hormones aren't involved. WTF especially since I mentioned hormones in the first appointment.

Anyways eventually I got a doctor willing to treat me and I some how figured pit how to afford to pay for the T out of my own pocket. I tell you I was one happy man. Even with the discomfort involved with the first couple of months I was a happy man. However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.
I keep telling myself that the other specialist may not have the same opinion about having to stop my T. I even tell myself at least they didn't find cancer in my lungs to be honest guys there are seconds today that I wish they had.
Ok stepping off my venting everything and making no sense box now.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

I was going to post this in the listening to each other thread ( excuse the wrong name please) then decided that it really belongs here or at least I hope so.

I have been on T for three or four months now. Not nearly long enough but thanks to already having my histro 16 years ago I have had some amazing and faster than usual results in some areas. I recently was hospitalized for phenomena (sp) and all kinds of tests were ran due to how bad it was. Anyways to make a long story short they found two large masses on each of my adrino glands during the testing. Right now I wish they had found anything else but that. I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

It is not official yet and I have another appointment with another Dr next Thursday about it nit I feel like my whole world has evaporated. I have been fighting the system and society for 40 years to look like the man I know I am and I am only 46 years old. I moved across the country and let go of everyone I knew in order to officially start my transition in January of this year.

I waited 5 months to see a doctor to start the T only to find out a month before the appointment that she was retiring and then another two months to get a doctor that was willing to treat me after having one that said he was until I asked so when do we start talking about hormone replacement therapy. Then all of a sudden I was speaking a foreign language it appears that he is willing to treat transgender individuals as long as hormones aren't involved. WTF especially since I mentioned hormones in the first appointment.

Anyways eventually I got a doctor willing to treat me and I some how figured pit how to afford to pay for the T out of my own pocket. I tell you I was one happy man. Even with the discomfort involved with the first couple of months I was a happy man. However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.
I keep telling myself that the other specialist may not have the same opinion about having to stop my T. I even tell myself at least they didn't find cancer in my lungs to be honest guys there are seconds today that I wish they had.
Ok stepping off my venting everything and making no sense box now.

Hang in there, guy. I hope it all works out and you don't have to get off of T since it has made such a positive difference in your life.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

I was told today that there is a large chance that I will have to stop taking my T due to this.

However I was not a stupid man I kept the words from the guys here like Greyson (sp) and others that told me to be cautious and there may be higher risks because of my age. I also kept the words of encouragement from so many of you throughout my journey when I was posting in the Bravehearts thread. Today though I felt so alone and so defeated.

KnightsBlade, nothing can change who you believe yourself to be. With or without the T, you are still you. I think I can empathize with you but each person's idea of their identity is not a cookie cutter matter. I hope things work out for you. Try to love and accept yourself no matter what.

Respectfully,
Greyson