Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

Kätzchen · 12-07-2013, 11:00 PM

I grew up in a highly toxic environment (complete with unimaginable acts of abuse committed against me). So, for the longest time, after I divorced myself from my family, I made a deal with myself to remain committed to my own personal safety – but yet, doing that alone was not enough – as I learned over the course of three other similar toxic and highly abusive situations. But, it’s been awhile since I have been in a toxic, abusive relationship.

Technically speaking: The last toxic and abusive relationship I was in (which was several years ago now), was the tipping point which helped me to make better decisions for my own personal safety and well being.

Here are a couple of ideas from past experiences I can share about:

If you have a close set of friends who know you well and they come to you and try to talk to you about sudden changes in your life, pay attention to them: Listen to them - try really hard to hear what they’re saying. They know you best and are acting in your best interest and are trying to help you.
If you don’t have anyone to turn to, seek the assistance of your local DV shelter for counseling and support. Counselors and therapists who work with people who are in toxic and abusive relationships are highly trained professionals and will give you the best advice possible. Act on their advice, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Their advice is the most objective and seeks the highest level of safety for you.

Remember: Be gentle and kind to you.
Be the best friend you can be to yourself (first).
Know your own limits and reward yourself for making good decisions.
Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you (and listen to them).

Medusa · 12-07-2013, 11:12 PM

Abusive people often use the same tools to accomplish their goals of humiliating their partners, making them feel unsafe, controlling them, etc.

* Underlying currents of dominance where they try different tactics to control you. Whether it be shaming you for what you wear to limiting your access to family, friends, money, or a vehicle.
* Never taking responsibility for their behavior or choices. Instead, they might find ways to make it your fault or the fault of everyone around them and thus, will have an "excuse" to act out.
* Intimidation is a big one - Threats to you or your family. Trying to fuck with your job. Physical abuse.

There are a lot of good resources here:
http://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com

12-07-2013, 11:00 PM	#1
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: May 2010 Location: Sharing my life with my granddaughter, family & friends. ツ Posts: 16,141 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,547 Thanked 33,567 Times in 10,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	I grew up in a highly toxic environment (complete with unimaginable acts of abuse committed against me). So, for the longest time, after I divorced myself from my family, I made a deal with myself to remain committed to my own personal safety – but yet, doing that alone was not enough – as I learned over the course of three other similar toxic and highly abusive situations. But, it’s been awhile since I have been in a toxic, abusive relationship. Technically speaking: The last toxic and abusive relationship I was in (which was several years ago now), was the tipping point which helped me to make better decisions for my own personal safety and well being. Here are a couple of ideas from past experiences I can share about: If you have a close set of friends who know you well and they come to you and try to talk to you about sudden changes in your life, pay attention to them: Listen to them - try really hard to hear what they’re saying. They know you best and are acting in your best interest and are trying to help you. If you don’t have anyone to turn to, seek the assistance of your local DV shelter for counseling and support. Counselors and therapists who work with people who are in toxic and abusive relationships are highly trained professionals and will give you the best advice possible. Act on their advice, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Their advice is the most objective and seeks the highest level of safety for you. Remember: Be gentle and kind to you. Be the best friend you can be to yourself (first). Know your own limits and reward yourself for making good decisions. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you (and listen to them). __________________ “The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth: It’s a reflection of their emotional capacity,” ~ Jillian Turecki.

12-07-2013, 11:12 PM	#2
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,686 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000025	Abusive people often use the same tools to accomplish their goals of humiliating their partners, making them feel unsafe, controlling them, etc. * Underlying currents of dominance where they try different tactics to control you. Whether it be shaming you for what you wear to limiting your access to family, friends, money, or a vehicle. * Never taking responsibility for their behavior or choices. Instead, they might find ways to make it your fault or the fault of everyone around them and thus, will have an "excuse" to act out. * Intimidation is a big one - Threats to you or your family. Trying to fuck with your job. Physical abuse. There are a lot of good resources here: http://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch