Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Abusers are driven by anger. Many seek revenge. No one deserves to be abused . Walk away and know there is something better out there waiting for you.

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

Sometimes it is hard to walk away. If only it were that simple.

In my case I didn't understand that I was being verbally/mentally abused. I had always thought abuse was physical and not mental. I was with someone who was very controlling to the point were it was her pushing her OCD on me and getting mad when I didn't do things right and treating me poorly for it.

As for physical violence I have only been slapped once by a girlfriend. I didn't do anything about it. I wanted to but I didn't know what. I should have walked out then and there but I didn't. I'm not sure why I didn't do anything about it.

Thirdly I would like to point out something I learned recently. All my life when I saw abusive relationships I wondered why the abused didn't just leave or fight back or something. One of my friends pointed out to me that often that isn't an option because abusers can be crazy and try to go after and "punish" the abused for trying to resist. Its a fucked up situation all together.

Originally Posted by Teddybear

SB

I have hoped someone else would have addressed this but since no one did I will. I hope I don't offend anyone.

Not all abusers r motivated by anger. Just like rape ISN'T about sec. Its power over someone else. They thrive in it. Some will build u up one minute just to brutality tear u down the next.

Some set u up. Some have u b responsible for xyz and when u do if they all over u because u did it. Your always in a dammed if u do dammed if u don't situation.

Walking away is SO easy to say. The prey is trapped all they can see is the cage that they have/are in. It takes a lot of COURAGE to break free and do the work on yourself to NIT repeat the cycle.

OK I want to say more but I have to get back to work.

The anger is only part of the cycle of violence. Power and control is also part of the cycle of violence.

Just leave?

If only it were that easy.

I was physically abused by my ex-husband before, during and after my two pregnancies.

Where do you go if you have no family or friends close by? Have babies? I know that I went to the police and they did not arrest him.

Even today, with stricter laws about domestic violence and shelters for women and children-the psychological after-effects make many women (and men) almost paralyzed emotionally. Because I was tied in with him financially and emotionally and because of my children-when the making up and calm stage happened: I wanted to believe-needed to believe; that it would never happen again.

But, of course, it always did.

This cycle below simplifies a very complex pattern of behavior:

"Cycle of Violence

Incident

Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

Abuser starts to get angry
Abuse may begin
There is a breakdown of communication
Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
Tension becomes too much
Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'
Making-Up

Abuser may apologize for abuse
Abuser may promise it will never happen again
Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims
Calm

Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
Physical abuse may not be taking place
Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
Victim may hope that the abuse is over
Abuser may give gifts to victim

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear."

http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

If you are in danger, please use a safer computer, or call 911, your local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

[Bad_boi]

I think what is truly important is education, awareness and resources for this sort of thing.

Also education for men. We should raise young men to not become abusers and educate them on why this is wrong. On the other side of the same coin we must also educate men on what to do if they become abused. The media shows men getting slapped buy women as funny when in real life it is not okay. Abuse is abuse. No matter if it is verbal or physical. It can have different severity but the bottom line is that it is wrong.

I would like to add this link from the Mayo Clinic about abused males because I feel that it is not often spoken about and this article mentions Gay/Trans in it.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dom...st-men/MY00557

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

I think what is truly important is education, awareness and resources for this sort of thing.

Also education for men. We should raise young men to not become abusers and educate them on why this is wrong. On the other side of the same coin we must also educate men on what to do if they become abused. The media shows men getting slapped buy women as funny when in real life it is not okay. Abuse is abuse. No matter if it is verbal or physical. It can have different severity but the bottom line is that it is wrong.

I would like to add this link from the Mayo Clinic about abused males because I feel that it is not often spoken about and this article mentions Gay/Trans in it.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/dom...st-men/MY00557

Bad Boi

I changed the color of this one sentence just cause I want to ask you what you mean by it.

I agree with everything you have said here however is this 1 sentence suppose to imply that abuse towards men identified people is less sever then if it was done to a woman?

I just asking for clarity. I can tell you that the abuse I suffered was just as damming as it would be for a female identified person

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

Bad Boi

I changed the color of this one sentence just cause I want to ask you what you mean by it.

I agree with everything you have said here however is this 1 sentence suppose to imply that abuse towards men identified people is less sever then if it was done to a woman?

I just asking for clarity. I can tell you that the abuse I suffered was just as damming as it would be for a female identified person

That is what I am getting at. A lot of people dismiss abuse against a male or masculine ID'd person. Men are often told to "suck it up" and "be a man" and all this other negative BS. Abuse is abuse no matter how severe it is or who the victim is. It is all wrong and we should focus our efforts to awareness, education and prevention.

[Kent]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

That is what I am getting at. A lot of people dismiss abuse against a male or masculine ID'd person. Men are often told to "suck it up" and "be a man" and all this other negative BS. Abuse is abuse no matter how severe it is or who the victim is. It is all wrong and we should focus our efforts to awareness, education and prevention.

Well said, Bad_boi.

[Stronghealer]

https://www.google.com/search?q=mana...sm=93&ie=UTF-8

If you have grown up in an abusive household
If you have been a victim of abusive
If you are violent ( violence is not only physical)

Please click on the link at the top of this post.
Mr. Hamish Sinclair, has not only helped men in prison : he helps women, adolescents,queers,the kink/bdsm community, survivors,and the list goes on.
Manalive has been called : humanalive, womenalive,and queeralive...( thers also a new programs at the famous Glide Memorial Church in SF :

http://www.glide.org/page.aspx?pid=392

If you are interested in the Step 1 manual, I will send you the pdf file-contact me here.

.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Stronghealer

https://www.google.com/search?q=mana...sm=93&ie=UTF-8

If you have grown up in an abusive household
If you have been a victim of abusive
If you are violent ( violence is not only physical)

Please click on the link at the top of this post.
Mr. Hamish Sinclair, has not only helped men in prison : he helps women, adolescents,queers,the kink/bdsm community, survivors,and the list goes on.
Manalive has been called : humanalive, womenalive,and queeralive...( thers also a new programs at the famous Glide Memorial Church in SF :

http://www.glide.org/page.aspx?pid=392

If you are interested in the Step 1 manual, I will send you the pdf file-contact me here.

.

Abuse is a critically important subject but there is no need for such large font.

It is shouting at us, not talking.