Getting Sucked off

[Parker]

As a butch, I'll put my 2 cents in:

I never really cared for it - I just did it for a femme who wanted to do it bc she liked it. Same for packing a softie - never cared for it, just did it bc someone I was dating loved it.

But then, I never really thought of my strap-on cock as an extension of ... well, anything really. It was always just a tool I used for penetration sex with my partner if I was with a woman who enjoyed penetration sex.

I tried to get into it - I did all of the things people in these situations tell you to do in order to somehow connect that cock with my clit, but it never happened and it made me feel less than for a long time - like I wasnt a "real" butch if I didnt like strap-on blow jobs or if my strap-on wasnt an extension of my clit or whatever. It was a real mind fuck and not cool at all.

It took me a while to figure out that even though some like to speak for entire groups, they werent speaking for me and they dont speak for all butches - we are all different and allowed to like, dislike, and connect or not connect to whatever we desire. Same for femmes - some like strap-on BJs and some dont - and if a femme doesnt care for it, it doesnt make her a regular dyke or not a femme (neither of which is an insult btw), it makes her a femme who doesnt care for it.

So if I were your partner, I would love for you to ask me and talk to me about it - see how I felt. Am I just being shy or am I avoiding the topic bc I dont like the idea of it but am afraid of how you might react? Keep in mind she might not like it, but is willing to do it for you. On the other hand, she may think it's hot or kinky and didnt know how to broach the topic with you. You'll never know until you ask.

[~ocean]

~ I could not be w. someone who did not feel that their cock wasn't an extension of their desires ~ I enjoy all parts of what they want ~ and take what they want ~

[The_Lady_Snow]

I love a good blow job, especially mid evening......

[imperfect_cupcake]

well, there are those who would find that a perfect fit, Ocean, rather than a block. I've also been with butches that I absolutely adored who felt their "cock" was in their hands and wasnt keen on strapping. One of them was incredible with her fisting skills and I nick-nammed her "fisty"

And I've been with two femme cock wielding individuals. Meowr.

Its hard not being what the crowd expects you to be as an ID. And annoying. And frustrating. and you get to hear a lot about how one wouldn't want you or would find you not to their taste.

luckily it makes you grow a thicker hide, generally.

It is hard to hear one of your favourite activities doesn't mean anything to a sex partner but that's why I advocate "Sleeping Around" and "Having Fun" and "having actual sex before making rediculous proclamations or commitment" to find out that

hey, actually this isnt as important if they are good at X
or
omg, I really cant do Y no matter how much I like someone, Ive tried it with 26 people now
or
holy crap I cant deal with their cum face and the way they sneeze when they have a finger up their bum.

because "sleeping around" has actually taught me more than I thought I did about what I wanted. I found out I was actually less rigid and it made me less judgemental about kinks I thought I would never, ever be into, until I found myself doing them cause what one person made weird and awkward, another person made fun and hot.

Its kind of like eating that vegetable you thought you hated cause you tried it once boiled, cooked in a different way and you found you actually liked swede.

[The_Lady_Snow]

As for me sucking cock, eh, I'll do it, I gotta like you though, I gotta like you a lot, I don't have to be in love, I just gotta like you or maybe lust you a bit.. When it comes to my own cock, I love it, I enjoy it and I prefer to be the sucked but that comes with what space I am in, if I am feeling particularly Stone then it's not gonna happen, though I enjoy having my cock sucked that I strap when in this head space.

Getting sucked is one of those things people should have discussions right away about, (if you are planning on fucking) I feel it is just as important as having the safe sex talk, it will let you know right away where the boundaries are at, I am not fond of and never have been fond of the grunting, demanding, I am (enter gender here) so therefore you will suck my....


That kinda shit right there makes me go

[imperfect_cupcake]

And maybe it's because I'm so into someone else's pleasure that I follow a general rule... I usually try something 2-3 times with someone before I tell them "actually darlin, I'm not particularly fond of ___" before saying it. cause its a huge turn off to be told something someone likes does nothing for them.

for example If someone tells me they aren't fussed about giving oral, I'm likely not going to let them anywhere near my snatch with their tongue. I'm not a huge fan of receiving it, but there have been those who have made me eat my own words. And I have begged them for it. So.

I generally keep schtum about feeling meh about stuff. I prefer people to have fun and I get caught up in their enthusiasm.

And also why I'll slowly try things on people (giving them the opportunity to say no) without verbally asking first. I have found more people are very receptive to the slow sexy approach to something than the point blank ask. especially if you are still wearing your clothes. Your mileage may vary but I've never ever had a complaint. Maybe I'm just very good at assessment.

But I trust that people have good boundaries and will say stop if they aren't into something. Of course I wont do this with things I know would be off limit or upsetting (eg, penetrate someone who is stone, face slap someone who hates suprises etc, etc).

Its also the way I prefer things to be introduced to me.


But that's also my personality around sex. Again, not everyones cuppa.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

And maybe it's because I'm so into someone else's pleasure that I follow a general rule... I usually try something 2-3 times with someone before I tell them "actually darlin, I'm not particularly fond of ___" before saying it. cause its a huge turn off to be told something someone likes does nothing for them.

**snip**

But I trust that people have good boundaries and will say stop if they aren't into something. Of course I wont do this with things I know would be off limit or upsetting (eg, penetrate someone who is stone, face slap someone who hates suprises etc, etc).

**snip**

I know this wasnt addressed specifically to me, but since I said I dont care for them, I wanted to respond with my thoughts....

I might be "meh" about it, but it isnt even close to what I would call a hard limit for me, so if I was with someone who liked giving strap-on cock BJs, I wouldnt say no or stop her - just as I didnt stop the woman who performed them on me back in the day.

Maybe I should say I could take or leave it; while it might not be something I would expect or ask for, if I was with someone who enjoyed that aspect of sex, I wouldnt say no either. Like honeybarbara, I am really into pleasing my partner, so unless it's a limit I just cannot cross, I wouldnt say no or stop her from doing it - just wouldnt be something I would enjoy as much as other butches (and femmes and transmen) might.

Damn - it's just so hard to explain! OK - because my cock isnt an extension of my clit, receiving a BJ would be enjoyable only in that the femme performing it would be enjoying herself - but I would not enjoy it in the same way a bio-man would or in the same way a butch/femme/transman would who are connected to their cocks as extensions of themselves. Did that make sense?

See how different it can be for everyone and how confusing it can be to explain to strangers, Femminator? lol I think the best you can do is communicate - either before with clothes on or during with clothes off and you are .. um, demonstrating what it is you mean to do.

[Femminator]

Originally Posted by Parker

I know this wasnt addressed specifically to me, but since I said I dont care for them, I wanted to respond with my thoughts....

I might be "meh" about it, but it isnt even close to what I would call a hard limit for me, so if I was with someone who liked giving strap-on cock BJs, I wouldnt say no or stop her - just as I didnt stop the woman who performed them on me back in the day.

Maybe I should say I could take or leave it; while it might not be something I would expect or ask for, if I was with someone who enjoyed that aspect of sex, I wouldnt say no either. Like honeybarbara, I am really into pleasing my partner, so unless it's a limit I just cannot cross, I wouldnt say no or stop her from doing it - just wouldnt be something I would enjoy as much as other butches (and femmes and transmen) might.

Damn - it's just so hard to explain! OK - because my cock isnt an extension of my clit, receiving a BJ would be enjoyable only in that the femme performing it would be enjoying herself - but I would not enjoy it in the same way a bio-man would or in the same way a butch/femme/transman would who are connected to their cocks as extensions of themselves. Did that make sense?

See how different it can be for everyone and how confusing it can be to explain to strangers, Femminator? lol I think the best you can do is communicate - either before with clothes on or during with clothes off and you are .. um, demonstrating what it is you mean to do.

What you are saying makes perfect sense, not everyone likes everything sexually. I don't want her to feel she has to 'put up with it' because I would enjoy it. It would ultimately ruin my pleasure in the end if she did that. Sexuality and presentation of such is intensely personal.

She has only recently told me that she does happen to feel that it is an extension of herself when she straps, and she thought I would think her a freak for saying that. She said she kinda mentally gets off on it, so that is also why I think she would enjoy it. She is actually the first Butch to tell me this, the others I have dated have never really been interested in strapping, packing, or felt that it was anything other than something for me to enjoy. That they would not get any actual pleasure other than getting me to cum.

So, it's new to me also, these feelings, and I am so glad that everyone can tell of their experiences and that they are willing to discuss it.

[Dude]

Originally Posted by Parker

I might be "meh" about it, but it isnt even close to what I would call a hard limit for me, so if I was with someone who liked giving strap-on cock BJs, I wouldnt say no or stop her - just as I didnt stop the woman who performed them on me back in the day.

Maybe I should say I could take or leave it; while it might not be something I would expect or ask for, if I was with someone who enjoyed that aspect of sex, I wouldnt say no either. Like honeybarbara, I am really into pleasing my partner, so unless it's a limit I just cannot cross, I wouldnt say no or stop her from doing it - just wouldnt be something I would enjoy as much as other butches (and femmes and transmen) might.

Damn - it's just so hard to explain! OK - because my cock isnt an extension of my clit, receiving a BJ would be enjoyable only in that the femme performing it would be enjoying herself - but I would not enjoy it in the same way a bio-man would or in the same way a butch/femme/transman would who are connected to their cocks as extensions of themselves. Did that make sense?

See how different it can be for everyone and how confusing it can be to explain to strangers, Femminator? lol

You lost me with this. I'm trying to figure out how this would even happen if you told the person you don't care for it. Take it or leave it / meh? I've tried it , it does nothing for me but knock yourself out anyway? We aren't really talking about going to the beach when she'd prefer the mountains ,here. Maybe it's me but I would be pissed if someone wasted my time or energy by going through the motions just because I liked something they did not. Half hour later (meh) is not the kind of sex I want to be having. Instead of trying to make something mesh that does not wouldn't it be more compassionate to say this is just not a good fit?

[fatallyblonde]

totally agree Parker... there is no such thing as one true way for femmes and butches to enjoy sex together... and I think it is really damaging all these false ideals have been erected that we feel pressure to adhere to or else we're not "real". most important thing between partner is honest communication. I certainly don't think my butch should have to enjoy being sucked off... or just put up with it for my sake... and I would never judge her if she didn't want it... in the younger years of the butch-femme community where I live there were a few people who really tried to dictate what was 'real' butch or femme to the rest of us and it was so toxic and vile and had horrible impacts on many people's self-esteem and feeling of belonging... that shit can go to hell!