Have you lost everything? Encouragment needed

[Sweet Bliss]

first let me say how sorry I am that the fire scared all of you including your cat ( name please?)

Remember who you are and what you stand for, never mind what others think, you have no say in that, and you might get bored anyway.

Feel like breaking down? Do it. Holding it in will cause worse health/emotional problems. Be sure your girls have space and safe space to share their struggles. And most of all YOU.

There are lots of agencies / groups that can help. Apply to all of them. Public housing might be able to provide emergency housing for you.

There are many ways to turn this into a blessing depending on who your belief /faith systems jive with.

Byron Katie, Pema Chodron, and others.

I can name several but will wait until you ask me. Am sure you are all in overwhelm right now.

My wish for you all is to become closer more loving more gentle and compassionate for each other and others. Feel free to contact me by pm for more free advice.

My love to you and your girls.

[Dude]

What you have been through is devastating ,truly.
What you have lost is ...stuff ( all replaceable)

Someone I grew up with , had two sons. One died in a
fire, the other spent two and a half years in the burn unit.
He had a 10% chance of living. He did survive the excrutiating
Treatments ,many skin graft operations and infections. His
face is disfigured and he will need a walker the rest of his life.

Things can always be replaced.

I commend you for saving the cat.
The blessing is , you all made it out okay.
When that doesn't feel like enough google burn units.
It could have gone down much differently had you all
Been asleep.

[Soft*Silver]

I have lost everything a couple times in my life but through my own stupidity, not a disaster like this. I honestly cannot grasp the enormity of what you face. It is impaling...and something that has no fix. Its a real loss, not just a lost grasp.

The important matter is that you and your family, including your cat, are ok. At least I hope the cat is ok. You said you went in to get it, but didnt say you did. But the LIFE in the home is ok. Thank god.

Material things, like sofas, linens, clothes, will be rebuilt. Items of sentimental value, are gone forever, but the sentiments are not. Their memories and the hold they have in our hearts remain. As you rebuild, find new items to resemble and mark those sentiments. In fact, use that as an activity of healing for you and your wife and daughter. Go scavenge in garage sales, markets, do scrap booking, or sculpting, make paintings or jewelry that recall those lost things that held memories or hearts. This is a long term, down the road kind of healing art.

For now, you must sit with this and feel the loss. Let it sift thru you and your family and hurt. The grief must be felt. A dear friend of mine had a barn fire, and lost 29 of her horses. I saw her the next morning, only 5 hours after the fire had been extinquished. I hope to never see that look on anyone's face again, as I watched her walk toward me, from the rubble of the barn and carcasses...she surrounded herself with friends she trusted because she was on remote. She was so overwhelmed she could not think nor feel. It was days before she could sleep. And weeks before she could take a phone call. Find yourself your Captain...someone who can orchestrate help for you if you yourself cannot do so. Its OK to be helped.

The child will need to be with her friends and other family and it might be a long while before she feels safe again. She was sleeping, yes, when this happened? In the safety of her bed? Therapy will be good... especially art therapy....

[imperfect_cupcake]

I have. A couple of times. the last time I lost my job, my wife, my cats and my house and I was living in a different continent with no family (I lost my inlaws which were my family over there).

I'm home again after 15 years and I own four pieces of furniture (bed, desk, dresser, bookshelf) and all my stuff can get easily packed into a minivan. with room. I'm in school and I'm broke.

You adjust. Thing is, I've done it twice before. Lost everything. I know it's very possible to pull yourself back out. But you need friends and a sense of self. I no longer give a shit about "stuff". Even family photo albums. I know it may seem hard and weird, but really, the only thing there is, is me and the people I love and love me back. People who make me safe, even when I am sleeping on their couch for the 15th time.

The hardest part, out of everything is the losing and watching it go. That was the most terrifying thing, the first time. But, when you have lost everything you get some serious perspective and tbh I have more peace and contentment now with my lack of things and lack of stuff or a relationship, than many people who are well off with a long term partner.

It takes a while to find your core. but what doesn't kill ya, really does make you stronger. You'll make it. It will be hard, it will suck, you will think you can't do it, but then one day you realise you were doing it from the first day after the loss.

"Fuck it" is a really good book to read in a crisis. I highly recommend.
[ame="http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1848500130?tag=tfkil-21&camp=1406&creative=6394&linkCode=as1&creativeAS IN=1848500130&adid=0KZJETJ4JEGKVBXP78D8&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thefuckitlife.com%2Fshop.h tm"]F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way: Amazon.co.uk: John C. Parkin: Books[/ame]

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Erryl,

What a tragic situation for you and your family. Because of your post, perhaps some who reads this will call their insurance company first thing Monday and get the clarification they need for their home. You may save someone else the heartache with sharing your story.

You running back for your kitty-fur does not come as a surprise to this critter person. One does not have the luxury of time under those chaotic moments, you did save kitteh without a moments hesitation. Thank you so much for that.

It can only get better from here. Good Luck.

[GraffitiBoi]

It does get better, but I'm sure you are tired of hearing that!

Up until I decided to post this reply no one, except my friends who helped me, knew the true extent of this part of my life:

Six years ago my fiancé left me. Within a few months after that I lost my job, my home and my car. I sold almost everything I owned just so I could eat. I also lost my confidence in myself. Today I have a job, a home, a car and am still working on replacing the things I sold. Some I can never replace as they were antiques. Things can be replaced over time and a new life can be built. I'm still working on having confidence in myself again, but I'll get there.

I won't lie and say everything is perfect now. There are days I still struggle with the feelings I had when I lost everything I had. Every once in awhile out of the blue I get that suffocating feeling that I could lose everything again. It doesn't happen often, but it is 1000 times better than it used to be. I can only hold on to the knowledge and belief that one day these feelings will be almost non-existent.

What helped me through those rough times, and even my bad days now, were my friends. They helped me see the positive and keep me on track to rebuilding my life. Even my ex fiancé and her mom helped me out with pep talks, a place to live, food when I had none, a car to borrow for job interviews, and even some spending money so I could go out with my friends. To this day I feel I owe them more than I could ever repay, even though they say I owe them nothing.

Hang in there and allow yourself time to grieve and allow your friends to support you in anyway they might offer.

[JAGG]

I have been where you are. I know exactly how you feel. I got kicked out of the USMC for being gay. It was my dream to be a Marine. So not only did I lose my only source of income, I had my dream taken away. But not before they devasted me financially . I was in pretrial confinement for 6 months because they considered me a flight risk , because when they came to arrest me I was on emergency leave, my father had a massive heart attack and I went back home to be there since they didn't think he would make it. They were so pissed that I wasn't there when they came to arrest me, that is how they punished me. So for 6 months none of my bills got paid plus I had to shell out 10,000 for a lawyer . I only had 3000 dollars to my name back then. And I did not get paid 1 cent plus I had to pay back 5000 dollars I recieved as a re-enlistent bonus . I won't bore you with anymore details. I had to start over with nothing . I started driving a semi over the road when I got out of the USMC and was slowly trying to get back on my feet. I was gone for 6 weeks then I would get 3 days off. My gf at the time was supposed to be paying my bills etc while I was gone. She had access to my checking account, and my condo. Pay check was direct deposit and she was supposed to be paying my bills. Long story short, I was just getting back on my feet when I came home and found she had wiped me out. Stole all my furniture cleaned out my checking account etc... been lying cheating and stealing from me and hadn't paid a bill in over 2 months.
I called my twin I was devasted like you . She talked me into moving to Oklahoma where she was at the time. I loaded up what was left. My pickup truck a motorcycle , a dresser with all my clothes (wasn't much) and 1 pot. That was a long time ago . 1989
I still have that pot by the way. I keep it as a reminder . It reminds me that what is, has nothing to do with what can be. I didn't have 2 dimes to rub together when I came here. But I got a job right away and an awesome job 2 months after , and started rebuliding my life again . Oklahoma has been very good to me. I have come a long long way from that very difficult time in my life. I don't know if I can motivate you but I will tell you this.
You have a wife!!!! Most don't . You have kids most don't . You have a support system. Most don't . Your family made it out unharmed even your pet. Some don't . You are far richer than you know ! It's hard right now for you to feel it. And you may think I am mean to say this but I will say it anyway. You are just feeling sorry for yourself. Not that you don't have the right to, but that is why you can't see the blessings in your life right now. Feeling sorry for yourself is wasting precious time you should be focusing on rebuilding.
You still have your job right? So you still have an income. You still have a means to rebuild. You need money to replace the things you had. Money is the most replenishable resource there is. You have a family willing to help . Which makes it easier and you can rebuild your life faster with support from family. That is rare.
You don't have to be strong.( I don't think you're weak BTW) Just roll up your sleeves and get started. I always say, when I am down to nothing, that means the universe is up to something. If you put your energy into rebuilding the life you want , and you won't have time to worry about what you lost. The most important thing, BE GRATEFUL. I know it sounds crazy right now, how can you be grateful for losing everything. Well I will tell you how. I believe everything happens for a reason . And that reason is always in our best interest, even if we don't know what that reason is at the time. Like a jigsaw puzzle with the pieces thrown everywhere. None of it makes sense and you don't know why this happened and you just want to cry or strangle someone. And you don't know how this ever could be in your best interest. But time marches on and slowly all the pieces come together, you look back and you realize this had to happen in order for you to be where you are now.
Know that you can and will rebuild your life, and it won't be the same stuff, it will be better ! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Make it happen. You had it once, you can have it again. There is nothing stopping you. You didn't buy your things with insurance money the first time, you don't need it now either. Not getting insurance money you thought you had, only means it MIGHT take you a little longer to get what you want.
I won't tell you to be positive. You don't have to be positive , but you do have to be grateful .
I am sorry this happened to you. I know it sucks out loud. And if you just want to feel sorry for yourself then do it for an afternoon or something then knock it off and get back to work !!! And don't forget to be grateful. In 5 years you have to contact me and tell me I was right !!!! Deal ?????