You Knew You Were a Femme When...

[cinnamongrrl]

I knew in 2nd grade...but took the long way around...

My first little "girlfriend" liked to be called Davey...and I wouldn't THINK of wearing a dress unless it twirled.... (I STILL take a "spin" when I pick out skirts and dresses!)

[silkepus]

Originally Posted by cinnamongrrl

I knew in 2nd grade...but took the long way around...

My first little "girlfriend" liked to be called Davey...and I wouldn't THINK of wearing a dress unless it twirled.... (I STILL take a "spin" when I pick out skirts and dresses!)

Me too! Dresses really should pass the twirl factor before I get them (unless they wriggle of course).

And to answer the question, I dont really know. I'm not entirely sure what femme even means, everytime I look it up I get even more confusing descriptions. But I do know I like to be feminine and wear feminine things and I also know I'm attracted to masculine women so I guess that makes me femme? I remember when I was 15 I knew a girl who was very masculine and we used to tease each other and kind of treat each other in a traditional masculine/feminine way. I know she isnt gay or anything, but I think that was the first time I really started to notice women with that certain energy.

[Candelion]

....when every butch I met told me so.



Seriously, I remember the moment so vividly. It was the summer I would turn nine. My best friend was eleven. We were spending our last day together before we would spend two weeks apart. I was to visit my grandparents and she would spend her time productively picking blueberries to earn spending money. We had spent all morning hiking the trails on Sumas Mountain. By noon I started watching her face for any sign that she might be thinking about lunch. We kept ascending the mountain. I was tired but I didn't complain. I never did. I never would. We approached a fallen tree that blocked our path. I started to clamber over the barrier when suddenly I heard her voice, "I'm hungry." Finally, I thought. "Aren't you hungry?" she asked. "You never want to stop for lunch." I looked at her shyly (I know it was shyly, because I was shy). "I don't get tired," I lied. She grabbed my knapsack and pulled out our usual cucumber sandwiches. From her knapsack she retrieved two cans of grape pop...I grinned...my mom never bought pop. We gobbled our lunch. I tried not to. I always liked to save half my sandwich for her. We talked about bikes and how she would teach me to catch a baseball. We talked about friends and siblings. We sat for a long time it seemed. I waited for her to reach for my hand. She always did. She always would. Her tall body and short dark curly hair was a contrast to my smaller body and long blonde hair. Her dark tanned skin gave her substance. I was so blonde I was almost not there. She reached for my hand. I stared at our hands. Clasped. My clean white hand wrapped in her scratched dark hand. I don't know how long we sat there. But we had stopped chattering. We sat in silence. I looked up at her face. She was staring at our hands. She saw what I saw. I kissed her cheek. She tugged my pony tail and said, "We won't get to the top just sitting here." I got up. I felt good inside. We were the same. We were different. We fit.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I realised when I was 26/27 when after being bisexual since I was 14, a butch from italy took me to bed. OOOooohhhhh... oh I'm NOT bisexual. I just like a female who is both a boy and a gal. at the same time. with sex. ohhhhhhhhh... right.

That nailed my sexuality. My gender was that being with her made it totally safe to be who I wanted to. Unlike being around cis men and bisexually curious heterflexible women, I was a massive tomboy, dressed boyish, acted boyish - except for lounge evenings when I would shine like a glittering drag queen.

She made it safe to be one all the time. I didn't have to compete with her like I did cis men and the tomboy heteroflexible gals. Suddenly, I could be girly and not put down for it. Not feel vulnerable, not be attacked for it, with her.

I had to unpack a whole heap of shit. It was really hard work. But I got to speak with a gender accent that suited me. I got to own glitter and dragonflies and butterflies and a pink lunch box and 60's mini dresses and wigs and... anything I wanted. And not have to worry about it anymore.

well. With her. Outside of that, the world still sucked. But at least with her my femininity was respected as capable, independant and valuable. It was lovely.

[ForeverMe]

For me my identity as femme came in pieces. I have always known that I was and still am a very feminine woman. Even as a child playing with all of the local boys - hiking, swimming, having a great time - I was ultra feminine. I was 15 when I knew for sure that I was a lesbian. For the next 5 years, all of my experiences were with feminine bi or straight women. I was at the end of my rope with these girls. There did not seem to be any lesbians out there that were what I really was looking for. I was bored. Then I met her, the one that would be my first long term relationship. Only the 2 nd butch woman that I had ever laid eyes on ( yes I was from a very small town).. And the world was finally right. Everything seemed to fall in place with her. Finally a piece of the butch- femme dynamics.

As a side note, all of these years later and in a much more gay friendly area I am still seen as an ultra feminine straight woman. One of the drawbacks of being my type of femme. Damn, why doesn't everyone see this blinking neon sign sbove my head?

[SirenManda]

I knew I was femme from the first memory I had of my childhood. I remember standing beside a row of Barbie dolls in fake plastic high heels and a tiara with a wand. I naturally gravitate to dominate butches/FTM guys and it's always been that way. My happiness comes from getting my nails done, being obsessed with purses and making my hair as big as possible. I've become very Scarlett O'Hara in my 20's and it suits me.

[lettertodaddy]

It's great to come back after a long time away and see this thread still going strong.