Things you should never say on a date.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MysticOceansFL

Never talk about your ex's

Actually, for me, this isn't true. I'm extremely interested in knowing about peoples past relationships. Especially the first time we hang out. I was told I "track" people. In other words, I watch and listen very carefully. If I watch you order a beer, and talk to you about it a bit, I will always be able to order your beer for you. You never have to tell me twice how you take your coffee. I note the kinds of foods you order, the levels of spice and types of flavours in them. hearing about ones past relationships tells me heaps about who you are. Talking about your exes tells me how you pick people. How you deal with them. What hurts you. How you cope with that. What's important to you. How you learn.

So with me? Please tell me all about your exes. All of them. I want to know.

[*Anya*]

I think the OP wrote "things to never say on a first date" or perhaps that's my take on it.

My examples were from very first dates, first face-to face meetings.

For me, on that first date: please do not tell me that you are mainly attracted to Latin girls (I had a couple of pictures with my dating profile); please don't tell me that I am attractive because you are not attracted to thin girls (WTF) or an extensive story about your GF of 5 years heroin overdose, when you had no idea (and you lived together) that she was an addict.

One of my most classic first dates was with a psychologist and the PhD told me that he knew I wanted to sleep with him because of how my pelvis was tilted towards him on the chair, facing him. This was before I dated women but the principle is certainly the same.

Don't tell me shit like that.

A first meeting (always for coffee, meeting you there so that I could bring my get-away car) should be to see if there is any kind of emotional connection and sexual attraction.

Keep all of your deep, emotional "truths" until you know if some kind of connection is present. Then, as we trust each other and know that it is safe and the other is receptive; slowly bring them out- not all tumbling out the first time I meet you at Starbucks.

Otherwise, I felt as though I were at work, listening to a client with deep emotional needs, trying to figure out a treatment plan for that person. Not a love connection.

PS: Sometimes, now, when my girl-friend is watching some kind of romance show (she would kill me to know that I wrote that ) I tell her how glad I am, that I never (god willing) have to go out on a first date ever again.

[lamuymuyfem]

You look better than your picture….

(my internal monologue….

because I look so awful in the picture?
you mean, I'm almost presentable?
why do you want to date me if the picture was not that great?)

[Queenie]

Yeah um... do you want to pay for half of the dinner bill?....

[imperfect_cupcake]

What the hell is a deep emotional truth? - sincerely. I have no idea what this is.

[Contessa]

So this hot looking nurse had been hitting on me for a week while I was visiting a relative in the hospital. She finally asked me out. I agreed to meet her for lunch. We met at her apt parking lot first as she wanted to "show me" something..I was a bit concerned but went anyway..with pepper spray. lol I get there and she starts excitedly showing me all of these LARGE toys & bondage equipment in the bed of her filthy, greasy truck..mixed in with her tools, etc. (kid you not). She said "Wanna play with these later?" I suddenly got an "emergency text" and had to leave...

[*Anya*]

Emotional truth

Verbalizing (or writing about) a current or previously felt state of joy, sorrow, anger, envy, hostility, love, hate, misery, jealousy or happiness.

I am a psychiatric RN, so I deal with folks sharing their own deep emotional truths every day.

I did not expect it on a first meeting with someone on a very casual coffee date.

It can be any medium, however.

Wiki has the following descriptor of a guitarist performance:

The album is produced by Andy Tommasi. One reviewer wrote, "…Campilongo plays like he’s engaging in a long, very personal conversation: It ranges from heated to relaxed, angst-ridden, and even a little flirty—but it’s always fluent, spontaneous and full of nuance, texture, and emotional truth." [7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Campilongo

[imperfect_cupcake]

I still don't get what one is...

But that's ok.


For me, if the first meeting is fluffy and I don't hear anything connecting, like being emotionally open and connecting with me like... I dunno... I ask people what their first memory is. From that info I ask about their relationship to that. I'm socially promiscuous. I like gritty emotional connections with people. But I'm also a die hard extrovert and people are my books so I may differ from others who don't like connecting with strangers. Without pay lol.

This is why getting to know people is a good thing, right? If someone doesn't open up on the first meet, I think "too difficult, emotionally closed. No thanks"

I like hearing about someone's relationship with their dad. It's fascinating. Good stuff.

But you get that stuff daily. So I can see why for you, it would be a drag.

[MysticOceansFL]

Lets see, I've dated maybe a total of 8 women but I don't consider those ladies ex's and I was once married and divorced and she's the only one I consider an ex an not much to tell really , except while dating I learn their likes and dislikes the whole nine yards an I usually courtship a woman for about six months to a year so you see I'm old fashioned and boring!!!!!! Hope this helps out since you wanted to know alittle about me Ms. HoneyBarbara, ~Tips my hat to you~

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Actually, for me, this isn't true. I'm extremely interested in knowing about peoples past relationships. Especially the first time we hang out. I was told I "track" people. In other words, I watch and listen very carefully. If I watch you order a beer, and talk to you about it a bit, I will always be able to order your beer for you. You never have to tell me twice how you take your coffee. I note the kinds of foods you order, the levels of spice and types of flavours in them. hearing about ones past relationships tells me heaps about who you are. Talking about your exes tells me how you pick people. How you deal with them. What hurts you. How you cope with that. What's important to you. How you learn.

So with me? Please tell me all about your exes. All of them. I want to know.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MysticOceansFL

Lets see, I've dated maybe a total of 8 women but I don't consider those ladies ex's and I was once married and divorced and she's the only one I consider an ex an not much to tell really , except while dating I learn their likes and dislikes the whole nine yards an I usually courtship a woman for about six months to a year so you see I'm old fashioned and boring!!!!!! Hope this helps out since you wanted to know alittle about me Ms. HoneyBarbara, ~Tips my hat to you~

I'm of the ilk of: Go for it. Say it if you want to. Sleep with someone if it you feel like it. Talk religion and politics (I do), disagree with someone (I do), talk about your ex (I do) if you want to talk about that you went to the ______ and ______ happened but you ex happens to be in the story, tell it. If you want to know how my last ex and I broke, ask, I'll talk about it. I'll probably ask you.

Yeah there are great horror stories on this thread - yeash - but I personally KNOW that I would BE a lot of peoples horror story. And I have been!

My *only* point is that there really isn't a rule of thumb that will suit everyone. That's it. That's the only point I've been trying to make. That's all.