What do YOU need to feel loved?

AtLast · 04-23-2010, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by puregrrl

Like what a lot of people have said, accept me as I am. That includes all of my flaws. Some are adorable, some are not.

An obstacle that I have had in many relationships I have been in is the fact that I am an independent person. I have pretty much been taking care of myself since I was 13 and I am 37 now. I have been told that it is difficult to love me because I don't need to be taken care of because of my strong sense of self-reliance. But I also like to take care of others. Kind of a double standard I guess.

But the thing is, I do need to be taken care of. Just in different ways. I need someone to listen to me when I need to talk about my feelings, which isn't often. I need someone that pays attention to what I say and actually listen. Simply asking me how a meeting went that I had that day. Know that I hate Pepsi. Know that I don't shop without coupons.

That is how I feel loved.

Really being heard and valued for exactly who we are (yup, flaws and all) makes all the difference! And paying attention to those little things (I prefer Coke), are not all that little, really. When someone pays attention to these small things, I feel loved, too and truly cared about.... my idiosyncrasies have been noticed and are appreciated! Its fun to take notice of these kinds of things as a couple and give them to each other. I remember this!!!

Self-reliance and an independent nature does seem to be misinterpreted quite often when for me, it doesn't have a thing to do with the ability to inter-depend as well as be intra-dependent in healthy ways.

bigbutchmistie · 04-23-2010, 10:33 PM

I agree its the little things...

And feeling valued and cherished for WHO I am not what someone wants me to be..

adorable · 04-23-2010, 10:36 PM

Being heard, listened to and understood are very important to me too. Of course, I have to actually say something - which at work, on the street, in a room full of people I don't know - isn't a problem at all. In a relationship though, I don't know why, I think it's to avoid conflict or rejection, I tend not to say what I feel or what I need from the other person. But it's only when it comes to my needs. To win a stupid argument, I'll draw blood if I have to in order to win. I also don't want to hurt the other person's feelings or make them feel bad.

Of course, what ultimately happens is I get fed up and walk. Which has yet to make anyone feel good....

04-23-2010, 10:33 PM	#2
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I agree its the little things... And feeling valued and cherished for WHO I am not what someone wants me to be..

04-23-2010, 10:36 PM	#3
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,644 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	Being heard, listened to and understood are very important to me too. Of course, I have to actually say something - which at work, on the street, in a room full of people I don't know - isn't a problem at all. In a relationship though, I don't know why, I think it's to avoid conflict or rejection, I tend not to say what I feel or what I need from the other person. But it's only when it comes to my needs. To win a stupid argument, I'll draw blood if I have to in order to win. I also don't want to hurt the other person's feelings or make them feel bad. Of course, what ultimately happens is I get fed up and walk. Which has yet to make anyone feel good....