Instant Turn-Offs

[CA_BabyCakes]

There isn't much physically except maybe poor hygiene or bad teeth....... Personality wise i have a list......low self esteem, over confidence, people with no passion, laziness, and most importantly, someone who cannot laugh at themselves.

[Martina]

I like Northern California. I think people are genuinely nicer out here. Happier, more low key.

BUT people in the Bay Area, especially, often have polished up some way of presenting themselves that they think makes them look attractive to others. It's a presentation that is practiced and just feels canned to me. I find it boring. And the kiss of death with me is if you bore me.

I have encountered some of the people more than once at events and heard the same exact shtick. I guess they forgot what they said to me before. Isn't it boring for THEM, too, to be saying the same things and telling the same stories? Some of these are intelligent people. Why they think being real is less appealing I don't know.

What's funny about it is that there is no way to puncture the balloon. You can either worship at their alter -- which they love. Or you can compete by presenting your own shtick -- which they are prepared for and also seem to relish. But if you try to derail the performance, for example with some East Coast self-deprecating humor, they don't get it. They feel sorry for you, as if you meant what you said.

The problem for me really is the canned conversation, the almost rehearsed forms of interaction that are supposed to send a message of coolness.

I have met some very real people in Northern California. And I can tell that beneath the presentations of the people who do perform these shticks, there are -- usually -- real people. But I am not going to work that hard to get to them. They are succeeding with these performances, so who am I to criticize, I guess. But they don't work with me. It's dull. What is sad (again, to me) is that some of these folks probably aren't dull at all. They just think they have to do these things to get attention. Maybe they do. I am probably the one who is out of step.

On a completely different note, HB was talking about people not sharing about their exes. We've already had that conversation on another thread. But I definitely have a problem with over-sharers.

I had an acquaintance who dumped EVERYTHING on her first dates and then wondered why she wasn't getting second dates. I want people to be real, but it worries me when it seems like they have been waiting an age to tell someone their hopes and dreams. Do be real, I guess, but don't tell me everything. I am not your shrink.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am the queen of over sharing

to me, it's just right. cause telling stories and getting stories, is my big love in life.

but like I said, some people, it's not their thing. lots and lots of conversation is not how they reach their bonna. they'd rather do a jigsaw with someone in silence or walk with each other lost in their own thoughts, or play basket ball with their partner.

for me, my favourite game is Truth or Dare. Sincerely. and sitting on a blanket outside, playing it, or making a little crafty something together and playing it, is bliss to me.

I totally get that others don't like talking as much as I like to hear it, or sharing everything. My exwife and I shared everything from our pasts and I loved it. late night story telling, by the river story telling, etc. but it's fine that some people don't want that.

I do. and I feel lonely when I'm with someone who won't talk to me. I'm an extrovert. It's like food to me. It feeds me. I'd personally just rather be on my own if I'm not going to verbally interact with the person I'm with. I give people a lot of space and a lot of time on their own, I know people need it.

that's why when I was with someone who was really quiet and after five dates I knew almost nothing about her, we were talking about solitude and quietude and she said "...oh not me, I'm very happy to not talk for days at a time." I thought oh. thats sounds like me being very lonely *with* someone and winding up looking to connect emotionally (for me, that's verbally) with someone else...

So it ended right there.

I don't want people to be my shrink. I don't want people to solve my problems and I have heaps of other people I talk A LOT with. I think as I speak. It's how I sort things in my head. That's the difference between extroversion and introversion. Introverts think in their head and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts need to think as they speak and recharge by connecting to others. If I go out and just have a simple quick conversation with a stranger, I feel better and more energized.

I see a lot of misunderstandings on that level.

My exwife and I did tell each other everything. And by everything, I mean everything. We weren't each other's shrink though. A shrink I tell someone stuff in order to get feedback to sort out my problems. My exwife just shared all of our innermost thoughts and stories, cause that was just us.

some people just don't mix as a life long partnership. that's absolutely fine.

When I am casually dating someone for sex adventures, I don't really care about some things I would care about if I were looking at them for long term.

[Bèsame*]

Baby talk!

[CherylNYC]

Bigotry, especially racism.
Petty jealousy.
Stupidity.
Condescension.
Active addictions to drugs or alcohol.
Men, males, or people who actively emulate the most offensive straight male cultural norms.
People who don't like motorcycles.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Unibrows.......

[nycfem]

You scared me for a minute-- I thought you wrote unicorns were a turn off to you, and if that were the case, I'd really have to reevaluate our friendship.

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Unibrows.......