Ask a trans person!

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Greyson

What I have in the title is what I read on my discharge papers from a recent hospital stay. This hospital is located in Berkeley, CA. Berkeley the alleged land of Progressives.

I was baffled when I read this. All of my I.D. says "Male." I always identify when asked or I volunteer the information as Transgender. I never refer to myself as a transsexual. Just my preference. Does not have to be yours. I also never refer to myself as "Female." If I did see myself as 100% woman, I would say, I am a woman, not "female." I let them know I am transgender because I want the authorities and others to know I am not a cisman. I always clarify, "I am legally a male."

For me it is frustrating at times. I do not think gender is restricted to only two genders and many of us are Trans with varying degrees of femininity and masculinity.

I never thought I would feel this way, but I am getting tired of trying to fit into a defined box. I am a person and I am Queer. Thanks for letting me rant.

Sorry you had that experience, Greyson, that really sucks! Hospitals here are like that as well. Really wish the medical community would get their shit together, and especially since your legal id has been amended!

Edit: one thing I don't understand at some clinics here. Some of them now do actually give you options on your records to tick what you identify as, but then on the front of your record they put the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, one clinic I went to let me check male and trans, but then on the front of my records put female. I just wonder what the point is of them giving you the option (for people who don't have their id changed) when they aren't going to use that information.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Hi always and everyone else. As fir your male, female, transgender question personally I find transgender to be an umbrella politically correct word that feels as if it is forced on us. There is a time and place to be PC however even then you. (a general you) should always take the persons whishes into account.

Again this is just personally to me and my beliefs I am offended by the term transgender and no one has a right to tell anyone I am not a male. After all I have fought all my life to be seen by others the way I see myself, as a male. That is why I use FtM and not trans at this stage of my medical transition simply because it is honest. Once I have completed the process I will identify myself as male. Period. At that point it will be me that decides who knows and when they know that I am not a cis-male. As far as the government is concerned I am already legally a male at least on my government ids and just waiting on the birth certificate decision to take the final step.

So as for your question I think the best answer is to check whichever one the client tells you. Couldn't you ask how do you id instead of what is your gender? I do think if they include transgender as an option they should also include other with a space to expand on that. In my experience more and more younger "transgender" folks identify mote along the spectrum of two spirit and the older ones like myself stick to the terms we grew up with whether that is FtM or MtF.

~Alix~

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

Sorry you had that experience, Greyson, that really sucks! Hospitals here are like that as well. Really wish the medical community would get their shit together, and especially since your legal id has been amended!

Edit: one thing I don't understand at some clinics here. Some of them now do actually give you options on your records to tick what you identify as, but then on the front of your record they put the sex you were assigned at birth. For example, one clinic I went to let me check male and trans, but then on the front of my records put female. I just wonder what the point is of them giving you the option (for people who don't have their id changed) when they aren't going to use that information.

My guess would be that the birth gender is used for insurance purpose, so they match and the actually gender you use is for them on how to address you. I sure wish more places made that simple effort. Even in Oregon they had to pit the gender on your birth certificate on all official paper work. Simply bcs of insurance at least that is how my doctor explained it. However my doctor did refer to me with make pronouns through out my chart and on all correspondence that I requested from her, I was lucky that way.

[DapperButch]

Ender, I can see where they would leave Female on you chart if you are not "legally" male, as Knightsblade says, for insurance purposes. They need to bill with the legal sex. But, does it need to be on the front of the chart? I don't see why that is necessary.

They ask for your preferred pronoun/gender somewhere else in the chart because:
a) they want you to feel comfortable
b) they want to pretend like they give want you to feel comfortable so that they "look good" (for political reasons, such as HRC's health index ratings).

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

My guess would be that the birth gender is used for insurance purpose, so they match and the actually gender you use is for them on how to address you. I sure wish more places made that simple effort. Even in Oregon they had to pit the gender on your birth certificate on all official paper work. Simply bcs of insurance at least that is how my doctor explained it. However my doctor did refer to me with make pronouns through out my chart and on all correspondence that I requested from her, I was lucky that way.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Ender, I can see where they would leave Female on you chart if you are not "legally" male, as Knightsblade says, for insurance purposes. They need to bill with the legal sex. But, does it need to be on the front of the chart? I don't see why that is necessary.

They ask for your preferred pronoun/gender somewhere else in the chart because:
a) they want you to feel comfortable
b) they want to pretend like they give want you to feel comfortable so that they "look good" (for political reasons, such as HRC's health index ratings).

Not so much that its in my file at all, so much as it being on the front of the chart with my name. They take your Health Card when you first go, so they have all the info on the Health Card as well, but to me if they're going to ask at all they can at least have the courtesy to include what you wrote on the initial form. There are some clinics that do that and there are no problems. For example, Hassle Free Clinic here doesn't even require your Ontario Health Card to see a doctor and will allow trans people to put the gender they identify as regardless of legal status. And even though they have sex-segregated (deals primarily with sexual health) hours they'll allow trans guys to go to the men's hours and vice versa for trans women.

I can understand having the sex you were assigned at birth somewhere inside the file with general info about you, but at the very least they could also include male/transgender on the front since they asked for that information specifically and would actually be important for the doctor/nurse who calls you in to see before they say "Mr./Mrs. xyz" (had this experience when I went for an ultra sound just recently. The doctor herself was fine because she'd actually looked inside the file, but the nurse just kind of walked out and called for Mrs. xyz because its on the front of the file.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

I can understand having the sex you were assigned at birth somewhere inside the file with general info about you, but at the very least they could also include male/transgender on the front since they asked for that information specifically and would actually be important for the doctor/nurse who calls you in to see before they say "Mr./Mrs. xyz" (had this experience when I went for an ultra sound just recently. The doctor herself was fine because she'd actually looked inside the file, but the nurse just kind of walked out and called for Mrs. xyz because its on the front of the file.

Oh, I absolutely agree with you that your preferred name/gender be placed on the front of the chart so that the above crap does not happen.

Sorry you had to deal with that.

[Gemme]

I found a story and while I am glad that this couple has found a way to get married, I feel that this is a step back for those who truly are trans and who truly are trying to be the person they were meant to be. I don't believe that transgender is a "loophole" in the system and I feel that they have taken the hard fought progress a step backwards.

What really kicked me in the gut is when she says, "Jacki is so authentic." This scenario feels as far away from authentic as you can get.

So, transguys and transgals, what do you think?

Christine and Jacki

In 2006, "Oprah Show" viewers met Christine, a mother of two who made a surprising confession to her husband, Joe, after seven years of marriage: She was gay. But she wasn't the only one in the family with a secret. Joe was gay, too.

During that episode, the divorced couple shared their story, from when they each realized their true sexuality to how the truth came out. Two-and-a-half years later, Christine appeared on "Oprah" again, revealing that, even though she felt most comfortable in relationships with women, she had gone back to dating men. "I really can't label myself," Christine told Oprah back then.

It's now been eight years since audiences first met Christine. She tells "Oprah: Where Are They Now?" that life today has never been better. While she and Joe don't have much of a relationship beyond Facebook, Christine has a new spouse -- and an intense story about what it took to make their marriage happen.

Christine's wife, Jacki, first saw her on "The Oprah Show." "When the camera panned over to her, my initial response was, 'Oh, my God. That woman's beautiful,'" Jacki recalls. "I would have never thought she was a lesbian if I saw her walking the streets."

After running into each other several times, the two began dating. Christine says she fell in love with Jacki's authenticity and proposed to her three years ago. The women were looking forward to being married, but there was a big problem: During the time they were engaged, gay marriage was not legal in their state of California.

"Even though we were fighting a good fight, I wasn't feeling very optimistic about it," Christine admits.

That's when Jacki discovered a loophole.

"I started looking into transgender. In the eyes of the courts, if I were to have my gender changed to male, just like that, she gets my Social Security, she gets my pension," Jacki says.

So, Jacki elected to have a double mastectomy. In April 2013, she officially changed her sex to "male" on her birth certificate. She and Christine soon married and just celebrated their one-year wedding anniversary last month.

"I was so overwhelmed that somebody would do such a thing," Christine says of Jacki's selflessness. "It was the biggest act of love anyone's ever done for me."

[Nadeest]

I don't know whether Jackie is male or not. I've never met the person, nor had any sort of conversation with them. Therefore, I cannot say whether Jackie is male or not. Nor is it my right to say. Every person figures out what gender that they are, and far be it from me to say that they are not that gender.

However, I do not care for the idea of claiming to be transgender as a loophole, in order to get married. That, to my mind, is utterly wrong. We transfolk go thru so much, in order to even be able to transition, let alone transitioning, that it feels utterly wrong for someone to simply claim that they are transgender in order to take advantage of a law.

To be utterly fair, though; I have to disclose that, being a preop transwoman, and primarily attracted to women (This is the state of what I know about my sexual orientation, at least at the present time, with my lack of data.), IF I happened to fall in love with a woman, and she asked me to marry her, I would do so. I would use my status as a preop transwoman (with my gender marker on my driver's licence as male), to obtain the marriage licence.

[Kelt]

I have only been aware of this story for about an hour and I have mixed feelings on it. I don't know these people at all. I did go watch the video link to the interview. I don't like tabloid tv so I stay away from this kind of thing normally, but this hits close to home.

My first impressions (subject to change if I learn more) is that this was for this couple first and foremost a financial decision. They found a loophole and exploited it to personal benefit. What is problematic for me is that "they" have presented this as a quick decision anyone can make that had all the impact of a nose job, and for them it seems true. When I say "they" I don't know what might be left on the editing floor, Oprah is known for sensationalism, etc..

Unfortunately, for the viewing public, this may be what they believe about trans* persons going forward without any more information. It effectively negates the torture most trans people live through in their efforts to find and define themselves as transgendered. I believe it would have been a much better representation of the "facts" to present the story as one about the lengths some gay couples have to gone to just to receive equal treatment on the marriage front, without tagging the term trans* onto it.

In my opinion (for the moment) that is what the actual story was, and the Oprah machine found a way to cash in on the current headline creating term of "Trans".

I will be interested to see what others have to say.

[Linus]

Ya, I don't like the kind of precedent that this sends. The rest of the world would see this as the reason why people transition. It feeds into the "men in women's bathroom" fear as well because they'll view it as a way for rapists to attack women by getting a sex change. They're celebrating 1 year but what happens if they divorce? How will Jacki feel then?

To me, the decision to do a medical transition should be for one's own self-existence and not for the benefit or detriment of others. And why not fight for marriage in California? Or get married out of the state and have protection federally while waiting for the legal system to figure things out? Given that this was likely a recent interview, it couldn't have been that long before California's laws were changed, no?

[Nadeest]

I do think that you should give the client the option to say how they define themselves, on that form. Why don't you just ask them, then , when going to the menu to set it down, leave it blank, and make a note elsewhere on the form, as to what your clients defines themselves as?

You might have to go to the appropriate authorities to get this change into the system, but I submit that it is worth it. For example, if someone is identifying as 'genderqueer', I really don't think that it is a good way to build trust between you two, by misidentifying them.

Thank you very much, though, for asking this question.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Ok I have a question or two. Bear with me if I word it wrong.
It has been some years now since I have had to deal with the medical profession in a state where sexuality nevermind being FtM is not protected from discrimination. Well that is what I am facing here in Georgia.

So my question is how would you approach a new doctor knowing this and needing to make sure you find one un a timely manner since I only have enough T to last me a couple of months. In Oregon my gp handled my T and all the follow up for being on it. Also will I have to get another therapist letter even though I have been on T for a year with both a letter and signed informed consent.

If I rambled to much and you're not sure what I am asking please just let me know. Thanks for reading my question.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by ~KnightsBlade~

Ok I have a question or two. Bear with me if I word it wrong.
It has been some years now since I have had to deal with the medical profession in a state where sexuality nevermind being FtM is not protected from discrimination. Well that is what I am facing here in Georgia.

So my question is how would you approach a new doctor knowing this and needing to make sure you find one un a timely manner since I only have enough T to last me a couple of months. In Oregon my gp handled my T and all the follow up for being on it. Also will I have to get another therapist letter even though I have been on T for a year with both a letter and signed informed consent.

If I rambled to much and you're not sure what I am asking please just let me know. Thanks for reading my question.

There are a few ways you could go about finding a new doctor. There are some resources you could use online. FTM International might be a good place to start for you if you haven't already found a trans community near you that could help you out.

http://www.ftmi.org/3meetings.htm

In the above section they list groups that meet in Georgia, US so you could always attend a meeting and ask around there. I think FMI also have an online group that you can join and ask around for doctor recommendations in your area.

There are also active forums like http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php
and http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php that have active trans guy/FTM forums where you can ask around. A lot of the membership there are pretty US-based so you could find some good doctor recommendations there if you open up a thread and ask, or at the very least be given some resources for your state.

[DapperButch]

Ender gave you a lot of good information. You shouldn't need another letter if you are already on T. I would suspect whatever PCP you get will keep writing the scripts. You could contact one of the GA therapists at www.wpath.org and they should be able to refer you to an Endo n ear you that works with trans people. Another idea is to contact an LGBT organization in your area or PFLAG. I really dont think you will have a hard time with your PCP. When you get the list of PCPs for yout insurance, contact each one of them and ask i f that doc will keep your script going. Pick that person to be your new PCP

[Nadeest]

Try: http://www.drbecky.com/therapists.html . Once you find a nearby therapist, on that list, contact them and ask for a recommendation for a doctor that will likely be willing to care for you. Hopefully, this will help.

[deb0670]

Hi, i know i do not frequent this forum, however, our youngest daughter just came out to us as an FTM. Thankfully, Ethan has been an FTM for many years already and has been able to talk with our son about his transition some.. but as his mom.. i want to be as supportive as possible. I had my daughter for 17 years.. changing the mindset and pronouns is a little hard for me. I am seeing our son feel better and he says he is more comfortable in his own skin since Ethan and i have accepted him. I guess the reason why i am writing this is.. even though i love our son no matter what.. i am having a hard time wrapping my head around what to say or help him say anything to my family about it. I just recently came out to my mom and told her the truth about Ethan and me.. because my then daughter wanted to come out to my mom about her and her girlfriend, and i was not going to just throw her under the bus. It took a lot for my mom to accept everything, and with great effort.... now.. she has to face that she only has one granddaughter and two grandsons... instead of the other way around. I do not know how the rest of my family is going to handle it. Also.. Even though i truly love my son, and will support him no matter what..
i am going to miss my daughter. Is this wrong?
Sorry for the babbling..