Protecting our Butches

[~ocean]

One night very late ,my ex and I went to get ciggs, ( we both smoked at the time ) so we stopped at a self serve gas station, Ths guy approached hm and was begging for money . When hy declined to give this guy money he became very aggressive towards hym, S I put my car in drive and chased him all aound the parking lot, he was running and running , when myex was finished w/ purchased I pickd hym up and off we went.

[Kobi]

First. I apologize for intruding in the femme zone. The Op was specifically asking other femmes how they felt about and handled situations of rudeness.

I am posting here because this type of situation is something we both have to learn to cope and deal with as individuals and as a couple.

People being rude is a fact of life. Unless someone is spewing homophobic insults, I dont presume they are acting out of homophobia.

People may just be having a bad day and looking for a target to make themselves feel better, they may be under the influence, they may be a few bricks short, they may be having a need to demonstrate their machismo and revert to the behavior of preadolescence etc. You never really know what may be behind the behavior.

As a butch, and lifelong atypical woman, various types of rudeness is commonplace from both males and females for any number of reasons.

One needs to gauge whether there is a true threat to life and limb versus just plain people rudeness. And, it helps to never take the rudeness of strangers personally.

How one chooses to deal with rudeness is an individual thing that reflects more on me than on the other person or people.

As a woman, I have learned just acknowledging the behavior as rude, smiling, nodding, smh and moving on works best for me. Engaging rudeness, even homophobic rudeness, is energy wasted.

On the flip side, just as femmes may worry about their butches, we also worry about rude behavior shown towards our femmes i.e. the cat calling, the innuendo etc.

I have been blessed to partner with very strong, wise, and verbal women who taught me a lot about dealing with people, rudeness, and men. The most important thing I had to learn? To get out of their way when they are dealing with something.

[randrum]

I came across this thread as I was exploring, and I figured I'd add my two cents, for what it's worth. And since other butches have replied, I figured it was okay.

I get where the aggravation stems from in that type of scenario where people are being blatantly rude. I have experienced my share.

People stare because of how I dress or how my hair is cut. Heck, not even having to due with being butch, but when I wear shorts in the summer people stare at the scar from my knee surgery.

As sad as it may sound, I've sort of gotten used to it. Most of the time I don't even notice. Or if someone mistakenly calls me sir, I let it go. But it frustrates my mom and sister to no end. And there has been a time or two where they've caused a scene.

So I guess where I'm going with this is, this sort of thing happens. As terrible as it is. Kobi is right; people can be rude. But I know, for me personally, knowing that my family and loved ones see it and don't accept it makes me feel good in a way too. I don't need their protection, but it's nice that they care enough to be angered by it.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am fiercely protective of my partners. Female animals in the wild are extremely fierce, often moreso than the male because they have that urge to protect their litters and survive in ways the males just fight to mate.

I do not feel being fierce for my partner is "unbutching" her. Not ever. I have lived in some of the roughest are scariest areas in London, so I no longer have any fear about "hurting" someone. I have punched people, in the face, when safety required. My Butch partners always respected me in that they allowed *me* to handle my situation first and they had my back should it get to a point they needed to step in. Sometimes they did, often with a bit of humour and sarcasm and gently disarmed the situation and we exited.

Causing someone danger by speaking ones mind or being physical is not always the best way to protect someone. We ultimately need to protect ourselves and our partners are there for backup. Although I often have wanted to step in, I do a disservice to my partners decision on how to handle themselves - unless I see a car crash happening. Then I will do my best to handle in a disarming way - like my partners have done for me.

My partners are perfectly capable of protecting themselves. I am perfectly capable of protecting myself. We are both fierce and strong. But we have each other's back. It is not her job to protect me. It's mine. It's her job to help me if I need it. I sometimes really do.

And you did protect her already by disarming the situation and taking her arm. You did not escalate it by being provocative with a comment. That's being protective. Properly. No worries. You had her back.

[Ginger]

Sorry that happened, Femminator. I think it was wise of your wife not to get in a fight with those morons ... it sounds like you both really handled it well. I tend to lose my temper when provoked in public, so you responded more wisely than I might have. You took the high road. Above them.

[Strappie]

Great thread.....

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

One night very late ,my ex and I went to get ciggs, ( we both smoked at the time ) so we stopped at a self serve gas station, Ths guy approached hm and was begging for money . When hy declined to give this guy money he became very aggressive towards hym, S I put my car in drive and chased him all aound the parking lot, he was running and running , when myex was finished w/ purchased I pickd hym up and off we went.

Wow! I haven't experienced that here. The stares, of course, never blatant aggression. I would flip, seriously.

Here, I find that when I am out with a butch, the straight women tend to flirt with the butch. Idk... sstrange.sounds lime a lot of people encounter aggression and that is NOT right.