The Aging Community: What Are Your Plans?

DapperButch · 07-06-2014, 09:36 PM

After my father's death I did extensive research into long term care insurance for my mother. She purchased a policy where either in-home care or assisted living will be covered for 6 years at a specific rate. On average, people die within 2-3 years of entering a facility, so she should be good. Being that she was able to purchase the policy with one lump sum, whatever she doesnt use gets passed to her heirs.

My goal is to purchase a long term care policy, as well.

I have no children. My partner TF, has a son, however, I think it is safest that we cover TF with a long term care policy, as well. If it works out that her son takes care of her (assuming I'm not), then he will reap the benefits of the unused long term care policy.

If TF is not in my life, I am pretty confident that my sister will make sure I am taken care of, even if for some reason she had to help financially. I am making the assumption that based on my medical history, plus my past/current lifestyle versus hers, I will become sick before she does.

Damn, this is a morbid thread!

C0LLETTE · 07-07-2014, 07:22 AM

For those interested in reading more about the issues facing Seniors in housing in the LGBTQ Community, have a look at the following link on Huffington post. It offers a fair number of articles, references to needs, studies, efforts being made:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/lgbt-seniors/

In some sense, the titles of the articles say it all. They refer to discrimination
( racial, homophobic), dire need, finances, and anything else you can think of that paints a gloomy picture outside of a few bright spots in a few larger urban centres.

But at least people are starting to seriously look at this issue.

Andrea · 07-07-2014, 08:14 AM

Rene and I are planning to move out of the US upon my retirement, which may be as soon as two plus years. It is less expensive to live in the countries we are considering. Also, health care can be less and in many cases better.

We have an agreement with my daughter to help her now, while she is going to school, and she will care for us in our later years. I suspect she would be willing even if we weren't supporting her and the kids now, but I enjoy holding that over her head.

In addition, she has blessed me with thirteen grandchildren (a bunch are adopted from two sibling groups) and the older ones have made an informed agreement to be there for us as well.

I worry more about having to live in Missouri, because that is where they are, than I worry about who will care for us when we need it.

I have been researching prepaid funeral policies and long-term care policies. We better not need either of these soon because I am practicing my procrastination skills about both.

C0LLETTE · 07-07-2014, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrea

Rene and I are planning to move out of the US upon my retirement, which may be as soon as two plus years. It is less expensive to live in the countries we are considering. Also, health care can be less and in many cases better.

We have an agreement with my daughter to help her now, while she is going to school, and she will care for us in our later years. I suspect she would be willing even if we weren't supporting her and the kids now, but I enjoy holding that over her head.

In addition, she has blessed me with thirteen grandchildren (a bunch are adopted from two sibling groups) and the older ones have made an informed agreement to be there for us as well.

I worry more about having to live in Missouri, because that is where they are, than I worry about who will care for us when we need it.

I have been researching prepaid funeral policies and long-term care policies. We better not need either of these soon because I am practicing my procrastination skills about both.

I am curious which countries you are considering. My own experience is that many, if not most, European countries, Australia, New Zealand etc. will not accept older "unqualified" immigrants ( ie not meeting family or employment qualifications) if they feel it will strain their health care system. Are you referring to places like Mexico or Costa Rica?

SimpleAlaskanBoy · 07-07-2014, 08:50 AM

This has been on my mind a lot as daisy faces a minor surgery this month. Neither of us are in the greatest health, her parents are elderly, mine are out of state...we are in a rural area that I'm pretty confident neither one of us is in love with, I think we only stay here because of the house and the cats and family. If those were not factors I am sure we would probably be out of Ohio altogether. However, eventually daisy is going to need a wheelchair ramp, and I know I won't be able to depend on her forever for transportation (I don't drive, myself) and as we age together our arthritis is just going to get worse, meaning we will need even more help keeping the house together. I do know if we are still together but not allowed to be together, that will destroy me.
And on that depressing note, one of the cats is meowing for attention and I suddenly need a cigarette. And probably sleep.
~SAB

Kelt · 07-07-2014, 09:08 AM

I am dealing with one part of the equation now. My folks need to sell their house and get into assisted living. This is not an arbitrary decision on my part, they have come to this conclusion on their own.

I live a thousand miles away, there are no siblings or relatives to help. My relationship with them is strained at best. To say I am in high research mode is an understatement. Though he would rather die than ask for help, my father is the one with the physical problems, my mother the mental issues.

I am trying to figure out if I should do this in several long distance trips or bite the bullet and just move to their area for a year and get them settled. Writing this down is largely academic, I know what the right thing to do is and I am trying to figure out how to do this and not throw myself under the bus at the same time. I am in the middle of medical issues myself and would have to walk away from treatment if I leave my state.

I also know that there are a lot of lessons ahead and I welcome (will be dragged into) both the opportunity to learn, boots on the ground style, what exactly needs to be done and how to do it. Sort of a dress rehearsal of things to come for myself. I think a chunk of this will be to put in place options for myself at the same time I set them up for my folks.

I have no partner, siblings, or relatives. I have a number of friends locally, but they are at the level where when I am gone, that will fade. I have already begun the process of looking into various housing options and locations and am in that 1-5 year establish "what will be" phase. This just puts a push on it.

Loads of questions and soon I will learn some answers, I'm certain I cannot predict any of this, so.... A big "see what happens, steer when possible" is where I am this week.

Kelt · 08-29-2015, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kelt

I am dealing with one part of the equation now. My folks need to sell their house and get into assisted living. This is not an arbitrary decision on my part, they have come to this conclusion on their own.

I live a thousand miles away, there are no siblings or relatives to help. My relationship with them is strained at best. To say I am in high research mode is an understatement. Though he would rather die than ask for help, my father is the one with the physical problems, my mother the mental issues.

I am trying to figure out if I should do this in several long distance trips or bite the bullet and just move to their area for a year and get them settled. Writing this down is largely academic, I know what the right thing to do is and I am trying to figure out how to do this and not throw myself under the bus at the same time. I am in the middle of medical issues myself and would have to walk away from treatment if I leave my state.

I also know that there are a lot of lessons ahead and I welcome (will be dragged into) both the opportunity to learn, boots on the ground style, what exactly needs to be done and how to do it. Sort of a dress rehearsal of things to come for myself. I think a chunk of this will be to put in place options for myself at the same time I set them up for my folks.

I have no partner, siblings, or relatives. I have a number of friends locally, but they are at the level where when I am gone, that will fade. I have already begun the process of looking into various housing options and locations and am in that 1-5 year establish "what will be" phase. This just puts a push on it.

Loads of questions and soon I will learn some answers, I'm certain I cannot predict any of this, so.... A big "see what happens, steer when possible" is where I am this week.

Well, this is interesting. I came back to this thread to post an article I ran across from The Atlantic: The Challenge of Being Transgender in a Nursing Home, and scanning it ran across my own old post.

A lot can happen in a year. I did move cross country in part to help them relocate (but from a safe distance). Before I really got settled myself my father had a massive stroke, lingered for two months in a nursing home and died.

I did, as I thought I would, learn a lot. Skilled nursing is a real concern, and even assisted living or retirement options, I hope I never need them. I've been seeing first hand how this whole thing works. My father failed physically and mother is having mental issues. Their home is on the market now, mother is in a campus style retirement community apartment, and my father never had to live in one.

The above article highlights what many of use whether trans, or some other part of lgbt community may have to deal with. I don't have all the answers yet but do have lawyers. With no family or partner it's up to me to sort this out, things like having a separate living will for assets so that I don't have to rely on some agency is key. There are so many more details to consider than I imagined. I'd rather do this informed than not though. I'm rambling because I'm not done yet and think it will take a while.

Dean Thoreau · 09-19-2015, 05:06 PM

What r my plans?

Having had to make some final decisions for the family members and living with the ...haunting of it, I really have no desire to subject my kids, grandkids, friends etc with those decisions so I have taken specific measures regarding those final plans no one wishes to talk about, but everyone needs to make.

Real simple did the Living Will thang, with lawyers and witnesses regarding my desires with a very strong statement that under NO circumstances is any person or entity to override the wishes as stated in my living will.
Oh my wishes are simple DNR...that means do not recessitate. nothing that prolongs life just weed, or some other "pain killer" to ease me into preparation for my next reincarnation.
After death, doctors can take anything they desire, then send me to the shake and bake..and mix the ashes with a few thousand dandelion seeds and toss em on some terribly perfect lawn.....
thankfully, my kids and grands have my outrageous sense of humor and wont have a problem doing the dandelion prank.

Andrea · 07-07-2014, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0LLETTE

I am curious which countries you are considering. My own experience is that many, if not most, European countries, Australia, New Zealand etc. will not accept older "unqualified" immigrants ( ie not meeting family or employment qualifications) if they feel it will strain their health care system. Are you referring to places like Mexico or Costa Rica?

Both parts of Mexico and Costa Rica are on the short list, as well as Ecuador and Venezuela, and probably some others. We have agreed to live 3-6 months in different countries before settling down long term. There is a big difference between visiting and living in a place.

My research shows that most countries have income requirements when you do not meet family or employment requirements.

RockOn · 07-07-2014, 07:34 PM

I am single and without living relatives so here is the plan ...

Want to retire on about 5 acres in the country with 6+ dogs, as many cats and a backhoe so I can dig all I want when I want

I would have arrangements with 2 separate businesses and have to give both a call-in everyday ... the agreement would be if I don't call-in, they send help immediately to check on my pets, take each one to a pre-selected new forever home.

Then pull my carcass out of the pond. I probably fell off the backhoe, struck my head on a rock, rolled down the hill into the pond and drown.

Gosh, if it could only be that easy!

Oh ... and lots of chickens too. Chickens are soooo cool!

Linus · 07-08-2014, 07:55 AM

I think this is something that people need to consider well before hitting into one's 50s. Kinda like what you want done with yourself after you die.

Part of what I want to build and own now is where I want to retire and stay. My grandmother has lived on her own until she reached her early 80s. Then she decided to move into "assisted living". She still has her "own" apartment in the assisted living and gets around on her own (she drives still) but help is closer. With those genes, I expect to live into my 80s. And since most of my friends are online, I should be able to keep in touch via things like Skype (or whatever it will be at that point). I want to stay in my own home until I can no longer look after myself and am too much for K.

07-06-2014, 09:36 PM	#1
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,810 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	After my father's death I did extensive research into long term care insurance for my mother. She purchased a policy where either in-home care or assisted living will be covered for 6 years at a specific rate. On average, people die within 2-3 years of entering a facility, so she should be good. Being that she was able to purchase the policy with one lump sum, whatever she doesnt use gets passed to her heirs. My goal is to purchase a long term care policy, as well. I have no children. My partner TF, has a son, however, I think it is safest that we cover TF with a long term care policy, as well. If it works out that her son takes care of her (assuming I'm not), then he will reap the benefits of the unused long term care policy. If TF is not in my life, I am pretty confident that my sister will make sure I am taken care of, even if for some reason she had to help financially. I am making the assumption that based on my medical history, plus my past/current lifestyle versus hers, I will become sick before she does. Damn, this is a morbid thread! __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

07-07-2014, 08:14 AM	#3
Andrea Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Mature Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Her/She Relationship Status: I heart Rene Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: California Posts: 3,755 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,427 Thanked 14,925 Times in 3,022 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Rene and I are planning to move out of the US upon my retirement, which may be as soon as two plus years. It is less expensive to live in the countries we are considering. Also, health care can be less and in many cases better. We have an agreement with my daughter to help her now, while she is going to school, and she will care for us in our later years. I suspect she would be willing even if we weren't supporting her and the kids now, but I enjoy holding that over her head. In addition, she has blessed me with thirteen grandchildren (a bunch are adopted from two sibling groups) and the older ones have made an informed agreement to be there for us as well. I worry more about having to live in Missouri, because that is where they are, than I worry about who will care for us when we need it. I have been researching prepaid funeral policies and long-term care policies. We better not need either of these soon because I am practicing my procrastination skills about both. __________________ I am very spoiled! What we think about and thank about, we bring about! Today I will treat my body with love and respect.

07-07-2014, 08:50 AM	#5
SimpleAlaskanBoy Member How Do You Identify?: Bisexual trans guy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Daddy to a sweet daisy. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: O-H-I-O Posts: 410 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,426 Thanked 1,010 Times in 295 Posts Rep Power: 5996528	This has been on my mind a lot as daisy faces a minor surgery this month. Neither of us are in the greatest health, her parents are elderly, mine are out of state...we are in a rural area that I'm pretty confident neither one of us is in love with, I think we only stay here because of the house and the cats and family. If those were not factors I am sure we would probably be out of Ohio altogether. However, eventually daisy is going to need a wheelchair ramp, and I know I won't be able to depend on her forever for transportation (I don't drive, myself) and as we age together our arthritis is just going to get worse, meaning we will need even more help keeping the house together. I do know if we are still together but not allowed to be together, that will destroy me. And on that depressing note, one of the cats is meowing for attention and I suddenly need a cigarette. And probably sleep. ~SAB __________________ "Eeyup."-Big Macintosh, MLP:FiM <-----Pocky Jedi "There's only one rule I know of babies-G-d damn it, you've got to be kind." -Kurt Vonnegut (G-d Bless You, Mr. Rosewater)

09-19-2015, 05:06 PM	#8
Dean Thoreau Member How Do You Identify?: Ftm - Male- exfemale Preferred Pronoun?: He’s Him Relationship Status: Has a gf Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Philadelphia pa Posts: 889 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 251 Thanked 762 Times in 219 Posts Rep Power: 4529749	What r my plans? Having had to make some final decisions for the family members and living with the ...haunting of it, I really have no desire to subject my kids, grandkids, friends etc with those decisions so I have taken specific measures regarding those final plans no one wishes to talk about, but everyone needs to make. Real simple did the Living Will thang, with lawyers and witnesses regarding my desires with a very strong statement that under NO circumstances is any person or entity to override the wishes as stated in my living will. Oh my wishes are simple DNR...that means do not recessitate. nothing that prolongs life just weed, or some other "pain killer" to ease me into preparation for my next reincarnation. After death, doctors can take anything they desire, then send me to the shake and bake..and mix the ashes with a few thousand dandelion seeds and toss em on some terribly perfect lawn..... thankfully, my kids and grands have my outrageous sense of humor and wont have a problem doing the dandelion prank. __________________ Dean Thoreau

07-08-2014, 07:55 AM	#11
Linus The Planet's Technical Bubba How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him/Geek Relationship Status: Married to my forever! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Redondo Beach, CA Posts: 5,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,929 Thanked 10,727 Times in 3,172 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I think this is something that people need to consider well before hitting into one's 50s. Kinda like what you want done with yourself after you die. Part of what I want to build and own now is where I want to retire and stay. My grandmother has lived on her own until she reached her early 80s. Then she decided to move into "assisted living". She still has her "own" apartment in the assisted living and gets around on her own (she drives still) but help is closer. With those genes, I expect to live into my 80s. And since most of my friends are online, I should be able to keep in touch via things like Skype (or whatever it will be at that point). I want to stay in my own home until I can no longer look after myself and am too much for K. __________________ Personal Blog \|\| [] \|\| Cigar Blog "We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass

07-07-2014, 07:22 AM	#2
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,174 Times in 4,340 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	For those interested in reading more about the issues facing Seniors in housing in the LGBTQ Community, have a look at the following link on Huffington post. It offers a fair number of articles, references to needs, studies, efforts being made: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/lgbt-seniors/ In some sense, the titles of the articles say it all. They refer to discrimination ( racial, homophobic), dire need, finances, and anything else you can think of that paints a gloomy picture outside of a few bright spots in a few larger urban centres. But at least people are starting to seriously look at this issue.

07-07-2014, 09:08 AM	#6
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,285 Times in 2,538 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am dealing with one part of the equation now. My folks need to sell their house and get into assisted living. This is not an arbitrary decision on my part, they have come to this conclusion on their own. I live a thousand miles away, there are no siblings or relatives to help. My relationship with them is strained at best. To say I am in high research mode is an understatement. Though he would rather die than ask for help, my father is the one with the physical problems, my mother the mental issues. I am trying to figure out if I should do this in several long distance trips or bite the bullet and just move to their area for a year and get them settled. Writing this down is largely academic, I know what the right thing to do is and I am trying to figure out how to do this and not throw myself under the bus at the same time. I am in the middle of medical issues myself and would have to walk away from treatment if I leave my state. I also know that there are a lot of lessons ahead and I welcome (will be dragged into) both the opportunity to learn, boots on the ground style, what exactly needs to be done and how to do it. Sort of a dress rehearsal of things to come for myself. I think a chunk of this will be to put in place options for myself at the same time I set them up for my folks. I have no partner, siblings, or relatives. I have a number of friends locally, but they are at the level where when I am gone, that will fade. I have already begun the process of looking into various housing options and locations and am in that 1-5 year establish "what will be" phase. This just puts a push on it. Loads of questions and soon I will learn some answers, I'm certain I cannot predict any of this, so.... A big "see what happens, steer when possible" is where I am this week.

07-07-2014, 07:34 PM	#10
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,304 Times in 2,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I am single and without living relatives so here is the plan ... Want to retire on about 5 acres in the country with 6+ dogs, as many cats and a backhoe so I can dig all I want when I want I would have arrangements with 2 separate businesses and have to give both a call-in everyday ... the agreement would be if I don't call-in, they send help immediately to check on my pets, take each one to a pre-selected new forever home. Then pull my carcass out of the pond. I probably fell off the backhoe, struck my head on a rock, rolled down the hill into the pond and drown. Gosh, if it could only be that easy! Oh ... and lots of chickens too. Chickens are soooo cool!