Studs, stems, and femmes...OH MY.. :)

Bit · 04-26-2010, 08:41 AM

Okay. I guess I'm officially a dinosaur now. *here, I'll prove it, oy*

rbentley, when I was in my twenties, *see? dinosaur, oy!* we had a word for what you call "stem." It was "lesbian."

It's still a pretty good word. There are no restrictions on what clothes a lesbian can wear, or what energy a lesbian can express... which yanno, is the whole point of being a lesbian: being free to be exactly who a person is, even if that changes from day to day.

I get the idea from your post that you chose "stem" not because you like it, not because it fully explains you, but just because other people around you use it. So when you say there are too many labels and that they confuse you, well, why not drop the confusing one?

You don't have to accept what other people choose as labels, and then somehow force yourself to fit into one. Choose one that makes sense to you, that resonates with you--or choose to be label-free, if you prefer--but this gender walk is your own personal journey and that means YOU get to choose how you identify. That's not for your friends to say, yanno?

Thank you for the apology about some of your earlier statements. I think quite often people don't realize that the way people around them usually talk might be racist or sexist. Understanding our society's built in racism and sexism is part of that gender walk, btw--in my opinion, a person cannot truly understand who they are and what that means without also understanding how society shapes us all, and what forces work both for and against a person's ability to express their gender completely.

I'm sorry that your family is insisting that you're only going through a phase. I'm sure my family thought the same about me. Eventually they had to give in and accept that anything which lasts a lifetime cannot be "just a phase."

NorCalStud · 02-11-2012, 02:50 PM

Dont be afraid of words...be aware of attitude. Curiosity/ domination....How do we walk on the earth? Are we reverant in our communication or arrogant... Above all...we....must...provide safe places to discuss racism. Imagine approaching each post with candle and insence and curiosity.
The younger generation ameliorate words. Thank goodness. It is part of integration. Yes words perpetuate general myths and we have to watch for that and continue to widen the circle

02-11-2012, 02:50 PM	#2
NorCalStud Member How Do You Identify?: gaea's Daddy and Fiance Preferred Pronoun?: Ours Relationship Status: Engaged with gaea:-) Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Island Mountain Posts: 440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,630 Thanked 1,465 Times in 359 Posts Rep Power: 18918589	so much to say....two yrs. later Dont be afraid of words...be aware of attitude. Curiosity/ domination....How do we walk on the earth? Are we reverant in our communication or arrogant... Above all...we....must...provide safe places to discuss racism. Imagine approaching each post with candle and insence and curiosity. The younger generation ameliorate words. Thank goodness. It is part of integration. Yes words perpetuate general myths and we have to watch for that and continue to widen the circle __________________ "Love the questions" ...Rainier Marie Rilke...Letters to a young poet Che

04-26-2010, 08:41 AM	#1
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778871	Okay. I guess I'm officially a dinosaur now. here, I'll prove it, oy rbentley, when I was in my twenties, see? dinosaur, oy! we had a word for what you call "stem." It was "lesbian." It's still a pretty good word. There are no restrictions on what clothes a lesbian can wear, or what energy a lesbian can express... which yanno, is the whole point of being a lesbian: being free to be exactly who a person is, even if that changes from day to day. I get the idea from your post that you chose "stem" not because you like it, not because it fully explains you, but just because other people around you use it. So when you say there are too many labels and that they confuse you, well, why not drop the confusing one? You don't have to accept what other people choose as labels, and then somehow force yourself to fit into one. Choose one that makes sense to you, that resonates with you--or choose to be label-free, if you prefer--but this gender walk is your own personal journey and that means YOU get to choose how you identify. That's not for your friends to say, yanno? Thank you for the apology about some of your earlier statements. I think quite often people don't realize that the way people around them usually talk might be racist or sexist. Understanding our society's built in racism and sexism is part of that gender walk, btw--in my opinion, a person cannot truly understand who they are and what that means without also understanding how society shapes us all, and what forces work both for and against a person's ability to express their gender completely. I'm sorry that your family is insisting that you're only going through a phase. I'm sure my family thought the same about me. Eventually they had to give in and accept that anything which lasts a lifetime cannot be "just a phase."