No Good Deed Goes UnPunished

[*Anya*]

When I try to do a good deed, I try to it with no expectations.

Kind of like the "listening to each other thread".

I try to be an ear but not a voice-unless advice specifically asked for. Even if asked; I am extremely careful with what I say: " This worked for me, but it doesn't work for everyone. We all have our own way of handling it", kind of thing.

You never know when someone might take it the wrong way-especially if they just want or need to vent.

Do I do good deeds that do not go unpunished?

Absolutely.

I drive on So Ca freeways!

I can't count the number of times I slow down to let someone merge from an on-ramp but don't do it quickly enough so I get the finger.

Or, I let someone cut in leaving a gas station and it pisses the guy off behind me so he (or she) lays on the horn.

I just smile sweetly and mutter *you fucker* under my breath and move on.

[ProfPacker]

I have learned over the years that I do good deeds because I feel it is the right thing to do. I have no expectations...in the 12 step programs they say "take the action and let go of the results". This is what I live by (of course, what goes around, comes around is also in my psyche as well, my fuck you to someone unappreciative, lol). I remember when doing things and not getting something from someone in return and I complained about it to my father he would say "were you giving or lending". That brought it home. It has taken some time for me to really understand that. But I do try to keep it in mind. (of course, like Anya) you fucker is under my breath. But be careful.

I had a client recently tell me a funny story. He was driving and on a conference call for work. He thought that the car phone was on mute and when someone cut him off he called them (his words, not mine) a fucking douche. Well, it was not on speaker phone and his client said, I hope you did not mean me.

[QueenofSmirks]

From a social perspective we often want to do things for others because we want to help, or give, or we feel it's the "right thing to do" -- but there is actually a theory that we might be wired to expect some reciprocity, and/or thanks. In other words, subconsciously, we might expect a response that makes us feel good, and because we have been conditioned to that response, it fosters us doing more "good deeds." Additionally, we may be wired to help others in the hopes they will help us in return, as part of our innate survival skills. Interesting stuff.

As to the question - yes, of course I've done good deeds and have had a mixed bag of results. I've had very appreciative responses from people I've helped, and I've had a few kicks to heart as well. It's human nature to feel hurt, angry, disappointed when someone reacts in a way that we don't expect, but I always do remind myself that it was my decision to help, and I'm only responsible for my actions, not anyone else's reactions.

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

From a social perspective we often want to do things for others because we want to help, or give, or we feel it's the "right thing to do" -- but there is actually a theory that we might be wired to expect some reciprocity, and/or thanks. In other words, subconsciously, we might expect a response that makes us feel good, and because we have been conditioned to that response, it fosters us doing more "good deeds." Additionally, we may be wired to help others in the hopes they will help us in return, as part of our innate survival skills. Interesting stuff.

As to the question - yes, of course I've done good deeds and have had a mixed bag of results. I've had very appreciative responses from people I've helped, and I've had a few kicks to heart as well. It's human nature to feel hurt, angry, disappointed when someone reacts in a way that we don't expect, but I always do remind myself that it was my decision to help, and I'm only responsible for my actions, not anyone else's reactions.

This post makes me think. I'm not sure if I think we are 'wired' if that means genetically programed, but socially programed certainly. When we are kids we are taught our pleases and thank you's and as we get older I think the help we give and the thanks we get in return get bigger as we take on more responsibilities.

One thing I enjoy is doing the random acts of kindness you hear about, helping someone carry something, or pay the road toll for the next person sort of thing. Even just taking the time to give really good directions. I like being the 'good guy' because, as you say, we get what we give most of the time. I have also had times in my life where situations called for really stepping up to the plate to 'do the right thing'. Sometimes that works out and is enormously satisfying; and sometimes all you end up with is vitriol and spite for your efforts. I have learned the hard way about making that choice for myself and how we cannot control the reactions of others.

The choices are mine to make and I will probably act differently in the future. For the big life changing helping hand situations, I would have to think hard two or three times now. Maybe I should think of myself first, that's not what I was taught but maybe I should. As for the random acts for strangers, heck yeah! The thanks and the big smiles I get in return more than compensate for any minor inconvenience it may cost me.