What Cracked You Up Today?

Gaige · 08-19-2014, 05:20 PM

My co-worker. I mentioned to her that I smelled cucumber and asked her if she had used cucumber lotion. She responded, “Well I was messing around with some cucumbers today”. It could have ended there without me giving it another thought but she turned beet red and excitedly started trying to explain that she meant that she had made cucumber salad that day.

MrSunshine · 08-19-2014, 06:02 PM

Someone just said "you can't pray the moron away". Lmao!

Lawd how I try.

cinnamongrrl · 08-24-2014, 08:18 AM

my daughter....

she got a tattoo gun...she's an excellent artist and has always wanted to do tattoos...

so...

she gets this gun and she calls me allll excited about it. She tells me how she gave her friend a tattoo and it came out awesome...and of course she gave herself a tattoo...sigh..

but...

she REALLYY wants her sister to let her give her a tattoo to match a heart one she gave herself...and sounds all petulant as she tells me she's just waiting for her to wake up... I was really surprised that she actually waited...lol

08-24-2014, 02:37 PM

Ms.Nicolondinium forgetting one of the table legs [of meetings, sponsor, step work, service] in two separate meetings cracked me and Ms.Kellondinium up.

It's the small things!

Degotoga · 08-24-2014, 08:04 PM

TruTexan · 08-25-2014, 12:54 PM

Chester says to Earl "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting". So he sends the dog out to the pond.
The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there".
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?". Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog?" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him".
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has.
The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.
Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, "Earl, dogs can't talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."

08-19-2014, 05:20 PM	#1
Gaige Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: above my boots Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,649 Thanked 3,755 Times in 1,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What cracked you up today? My co-worker. I mentioned to her that I smelled cucumber and asked her if she had used cucumber lotion. She responded, “Well I was messing around with some cucumbers today”. It could have ended there without me giving it another thought but she turned beet red and excitedly started trying to explain that she meant that she had made cucumber salad that day.

08-24-2014, 08:18 AM	#3
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home in NC..gonna dig in like a tick this time… Posts: 7,661 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,232 Thanked 27,597 Times in 6,955 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	my daughter.... she got a tattoo gun...she's an excellent artist and has always wanted to do tattoos... so... she gets this gun and she calls me allll excited about it. She tells me how she gave her friend a tattoo and it came out awesome...and of course she gave herself a tattoo...sigh.. but... she REALLYY wants her sister to let her give her a tattoo to match a heart one she gave herself...and sounds all petulant as she tells me she's just waiting for her to wake up... I was really surprised that she actually waited...lol __________________

08-24-2014, 08:04 PM	#5
Degotoga Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Respectful and situational appropriate ones Relationship Status: Enjoying butchelorhood Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Texas Posts: 3,301 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,390 Thanked 4,380 Times in 1,233 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	__________________ Don't try to explain yourself to stupid people. You're not the jackass whisperer.

08-25-2014, 12:54 PM	#6
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	This joke made me laugh, it's from a friend on fb. Chester says to Earl "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting". So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there". Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?". Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog?" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him". So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg. Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!" The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg. The breeder says, "Earl, dogs can't talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at." __________________

08-19-2014, 06:02 PM	#2
MrSunshine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The Gardner Preferred Pronoun?: Ummmm Relationship Status: Nah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine Posts: 2,616 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,577 Thanked 3,891 Times in 1,155 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Someone just said "you can't pray the moron away". Lmao! Lawd how I try.

08-24-2014, 02:37 PM	#4
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	Ms.Nicolondinium forgetting one of the table legs [of meetings, sponsor, step work, service] in two separate meetings cracked me and Ms.Kellondinium up. It's the small things!