What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

MasterfulButch · 09-09-2014, 05:17 AM

This thread makes for interesting reading.

Some responses are pretty fundamental and were probably clear to us all along. Others we've become aware of through living something else and perhaps offer the most learning contribution for others. For me, my top three of these are:

1. Sexual chemistry - sure you can have a committed, loving friendship but in a relationship I need more. There is so much depth to my personality here, I need to be able to express/explore it with my partner.
2. Value alignment - compatibility on what matters to you. Moral issues. Work ethic etc. E.g. find something of value in the street. Keep it or hand it in?
3. Availability - couples differ on this I know. Some like the joined-at-the-hip approach while others value independence. I need her to be similar to me, to want to spend time with me and also to be available to do so.

Greco · 09-11-2014, 04:37 PM

Intelligence (Spiritual, and Emotional), Healthy in mind, body, spirit, Honesty, Personal Integrity goes without saying. Sensuality, Creativity, Passionate, Compassionate, Resilient, Resourceful all add up to one Stunningly Beautiful Woman. She must love to dance! smiling...hmmm...glasses? oh, yes...and a few other qualities...

Greco

Apocalipstic · 09-11-2014, 07:07 PM

Just 3

Kind
Calm
Consistent

Mel C. · 09-11-2014, 08:36 PM

hmmmm...difficult for me because I keep asking myself "what if"...

1) sense of humor that meshes with mine
2) independence, yet able to show that I am important/wanted
3) good natured (I'm a handful)

imperfect_cupcake · 09-12-2014, 12:27 AM

I've had to rethink a lot of stuff. It's hard to pick three. I think I can limit it to five. Lol

1) sexual chemistry - it's has to be there, they have to be dominant, at least prone to a bit of sexual sadism, at least a bit of a papa bear. I got to rediscover an old part of myself recently and I felt like I was truly comfortable again. I've decided to stick with that. And I don't want to give it up again. It's such an easy and natural way to be.

2) sense of humour match - they have to be sarcastic, dark humoured and quick. Banter. Playful. Kid sense of play to mine.

3) they gotta love the talk - intoverted/extroverted don't care, but if you don't, at the core, enjoy discussion, a bit of debate, sharing stories about yourself and being present and able to sit with being uncomfortable and hashing something out, then it really won't work with me.

4) steady - meaning you don't change your mind constantly, you aren't moody, you don't storm off and sulk, you stay and talk. You don't tell me you want one thing on Thursday and then a week later you suddenly want something else. Then a week later it changes again. You are emotionally stable. I don't care if you are a bit crusty and misanthropic, as long as you think I'm the bees knees and stick to that. Don't come in with tides of joy, then cry for four hours then sulk then ... You have no idea how many of my partners were like this.
Recently I dated someone emotionally stable and I was shocked to find how easy the relationship was (aside from the challenges of differing ideas etc which I don't mind hashing out), how unstressful, and how much care *I* got for a change. Someone actually want to look after *me*. That please!!!

5) although I'm a feisty submissive and I adore the living bejesus out of you, and I'm a very devoted partner, I want my independence. I even enjoy the kink of sexual ownership. These tits still belong to you, babes, but right now, I need to go deal with school, have some time to myself, a bit of time with friends, and I don't want to live with a partner. But boy I will spoil you when you show up for dinner/the weekend. Knock your papa bear socks off. And it's bloody great you want to spoil me back.

Orema · 09-12-2014, 04:45 AM

1. Must be opinionated and direct with compassion and empathy.
2. Confidence has to be driven by honesty and intelligence (not by possessions, travel, lineage, etc.)
3. Sexual fetishes must be in line with each other or compliment each other. I'm GGG (Good, Giving, Game), but there are some lines I won't cross.

Lacey · 03-04-2015, 04:01 AM

Flirting with others
Secret friendships/relationships
Lacking communication skills.

09-11-2014, 04:37 PM	#2
Greco Senior Member How Do You Identify?: GNC, not Trans, REAL. TIME. ONLY. Preferred Pronoun?: REAL. TIME. ONLY. Relationship Status: REAL. TIME. ONLY. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: In a good life. Posts: 3,200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,160 Thanked 6,616 Times in 2,285 Posts Rep Power: 0	3 and more Intelligence (Spiritual, and Emotional), Healthy in mind, body, spirit, Honesty, Personal Integrity goes without saying. Sensuality, Creativity, Passionate, Compassionate, Resilient, Resourceful all add up to one Stunningly Beautiful Woman. She must love to dance! smiling...hmmm...glasses? oh, yes...and a few other qualities... Greco

09-11-2014, 07:07 PM	#3
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Just 3 Kind Calm Consistent __________________

09-09-2014, 05:17 AM	#1
MasterfulButch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Charming the love of my life. Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Here, for now. Posts: 141 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 286 Thanked 598 Times in 125 Posts Rep Power: 9572902	This thread makes for interesting reading. Some responses are pretty fundamental and were probably clear to us all along. Others we've become aware of through living something else and perhaps offer the most learning contribution for others. For me, my top three of these are: 1. Sexual chemistry - sure you can have a committed, loving friendship but in a relationship I need more. There is so much depth to my personality here, I need to be able to express/explore it with my partner. 2. Value alignment - compatibility on what matters to you. Moral issues. Work ethic etc. E.g. find something of value in the street. Keep it or hand it in? 3. Availability - couples differ on this I know. Some like the joined-at-the-hip approach while others value independence. I need her to be similar to me, to want to spend time with me and also to be available to do so.

09-11-2014, 08:36 PM	#4
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,828 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	hmmmm...difficult for me because I keep asking myself "what if"... 1) sense of humor that meshes with mine 2) independence, yet able to show that I am important/wanted 3) good natured (I'm a handful)

09-12-2014, 12:27 AM	#5
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I've had to rethink a lot of stuff. It's hard to pick three. I think I can limit it to five. Lol 1) sexual chemistry - it's has to be there, they have to be dominant, at least prone to a bit of sexual sadism, at least a bit of a papa bear. I got to rediscover an old part of myself recently and I felt like I was truly comfortable again. I've decided to stick with that. And I don't want to give it up again. It's such an easy and natural way to be. 2) sense of humour match - they have to be sarcastic, dark humoured and quick. Banter. Playful. Kid sense of play to mine. 3) they gotta love the talk - intoverted/extroverted don't care, but if you don't, at the core, enjoy discussion, a bit of debate, sharing stories about yourself and being present and able to sit with being uncomfortable and hashing something out, then it really won't work with me. 4) steady - meaning you don't change your mind constantly, you aren't moody, you don't storm off and sulk, you stay and talk. You don't tell me you want one thing on Thursday and then a week later you suddenly want something else. Then a week later it changes again. You are emotionally stable. I don't care if you are a bit crusty and misanthropic, as long as you think I'm the bees knees and stick to that. Don't come in with tides of joy, then cry for four hours then sulk then ... You have no idea how many of my partners were like this. Recently I dated someone emotionally stable and I was shocked to find how easy the relationship was (aside from the challenges of differing ideas etc which I don't mind hashing out), how unstressful, and how much care I got for a change. Someone actually want to look after me. That please!!! 5) although I'm a feisty submissive and I adore the living bejesus out of you, and I'm a very devoted partner, I want my independence. I even enjoy the kink of sexual ownership. These tits still belong to you, babes, but right now, I need to go deal with school, have some time to myself, a bit of time with friends, and I don't want to live with a partner. But boy I will spoil you when you show up for dinner/the weekend. Knock your papa bear socks off. And it's bloody great you want to spoil me back.

09-12-2014, 04:45 AM	#6
Orema Superlative Soul Sister How Do You Identify?: Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Moving in a single file Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Cottage of Content Posts: 13,620 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 41,453 Thanked 34,707 Times in 8,944 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	1. Must be opinionated and direct with compassion and empathy. 2. Confidence has to be driven by honesty and intelligence (not by possessions, travel, lineage, etc.) 3. Sexual fetishes must be in line with each other or compliment each other. I'm GGG (Good, Giving, Game), but there are some lines I won't cross.

03-04-2015, 04:01 AM	#7
Lacey Timed Out - Identity Issues How Do You Identify?: Me Relationship Status: In her Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: UT Posts: 21 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 61 Thanked 72 Times in 19 Posts Rep Power: 0	Flirting with others Secret friendships/relationships Lacking communication skills.