PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes, I have had that happen. It is strange. The only time it happens is when I am trying to hold a decent conversation with my abuser (my bio-father). He's nuts. He just only knows how to be nasty, and I ignore him. It makes him angry, and then he tries to overpower me with his ignorance. And that triggers it for me. And that is when I walk away.

I limit my time and my effort being with and around my bio-parents. It is a matter of survival for me. However, there are times when I have to be in the same room with them. It can't be avoided. So, I take someone with me for protection. It is a matter of life and death literally. My father can push me over the edge to suicide in a heartbeat, and he knows it. He uses that against me repeatedly.

I also cannot handle it when someone questions my neurological disorders. If I am this or that. UGH! I would love to have them meet me and live with me. Then see how hard life is. This just sends me over the edge into the land of pissy moodness, which I hate.

Recently, I am not sure if anyone picked up on this or not, but I received a negative finding on my mammogram/sonogram. I have to have a workup for breast cancer since both my mother and grandmother had/have the disease. It also doesn't help matters that I had cervical cancer. In filling out endless paperwork I called my bio-mother for her information concerning her breast cancer. She refused to give it to me. She told me that only her husband knows what it is. So the game begins. She refuses to call her oncologist for anything. All I can say about this is that this is just a great example of what it was to grow up in my home. Everything is about my parents, and their selfish needs, wants, and desires. They never should have had children. Never.

Andrew

[Jet]

Hi everyone,

just to let you know, something very difficult is coming up—this will happen fairly soon I think. I'm going to mel's to help her garden her backyard. Plans could change because of weather or any reason.

Both Wal-mart's are out of 2 of my RX to get me through this, but the one near Mel's says they'll get it in and have it in sometime after three tommorrow.

This is going to require some real grounding—meds, not isolating, and understanding the nature of this, and God's help. This is a nightmare, folks. Trust me. I can feel my insides starting to cave, as it did that night, but that will pass. These are old feelings. And if anything would become serious or unmanagable, mel would haul me into the hospital. I don't think that will happen because I've faced so much of this now, and I can anticipate and take medicine as needed.

I'm posting about my experiences of facing my trauma as a matter of record to those of us who suffer from PTSD, but also to let you know that i may or may not be around to post much—i just don't know yet.

Anyway,
everyone take care.
j

[Andrew, Jr.]

Parker,

Can't your doctor give you another drug that will give you some relief? Maybe not a brand name drug, but a generic of the drug you are taking?

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Parker,

Can't your doctor give you another drug that will give you some relief? Maybe not a brand name drug, but a generic of the drug you are taking?

No. they are generic. And both Wal-Mart's are out of them, one of them is cogentin which you would think would be common and on hand. The wal-mart near mel's said they would have them ready tomorrow after three.

I don't have a choice because mel lives in a different town outside of atlanta—I told her I would help her. She's coming to get me, and i'm trying to make this easy for her—so, i'll pick them up near her house..my RX is in the nationwide pharmacy, so i can get them filled there.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Parker,

I am saying prayers for you. I hope that all will be well for you.

Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Andrew and Jet,

I am so sorry you are facing these bumps in the road. I know for me a bump is sometimes all it takes to send me to the depths of hell.

Try to do things that calm you and reward yourself for each thng you get through!

I will be thinking about both of you and sending you healing light.

[JustBeingMe]

I just got back from the mental health clinic in a nearby small town. I can't get in to see the shrink for my anti anxiety meds for about 4 to 6 weeks. I don't live in a large town and can't afford to go far on my income due to some other issues also I am paying for that has cut my throat with my disability funds. So I have to wait until I can get in to see the shrink to see if they will put me back on my ativan cause that's the ONLY drug that helps my anxiety. I thought the woman in the intake interview was gonna call an ambulance by the look on her face when she was talking to me, then she said, Jesus, "Your really stressed out and anxious that's apparent to me I can see it and hear it in your voice and body language."..... I was thinking....DUH !!!!! That's why I am here. Well, I guess I"ll be alright til I can get in, otherwise I don't know what else to do. No doc around here will prescribe me what works cause it's a controlled substance. UGH.