Bed Side Preference and Dominance

[CherylNYC]

I'm not ever the sexually dominant partner and I sleep on the right side. I'm even more attached to that side now because the right side of my bed is against my bedroom wall. To totally seal the deal, I don't ever need to get up for the bathroom in the middle of the night, which means that anyone sharing my bed has the freedom to do so without waking me.

I'm interested in what SleepyButch wrote because it sounds like she prefers to take a protective position. It makes sense to me that I would prefer my partner to sleep closer to the door and that I would prefer to sleep in the more protected place, closer to the wall.

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

I've typically been the dominant one in the relationship and when I'm sleeping in the same bed with someone, I prefer to sleep on the side closest to the door unless she objects because she cannot sleep on whichever side is not closest to the door. So this theory doesn't fit for me but it will be interesting to see the responses of others.

[Smiling]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I'm interested in what SleepyButch wrote because it sounds like she prefers to take a protective position. It makes sense to me that I would prefer my partner to sleep closer to the door and that I would prefer to sleep in the more protected place, closer to the wall.

Hi Cheryl,
I inferred the same thing from Sleepy's post, too; but what you wrote is also very interesting to me because personally, I'm not sure I'd feel more safe being sandwiched against the wall. On the contrary, I think I would feel trapped and therefore, less safe in the event of a fire or other emergency.

On the other hand, you can never wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I suppose, lol. Hope you don't mind my 2 cents; I just found your perspective interesting.

[Orema]

I'm usually not the dominant partner in the relationship, I currently don't have a bed mate, and I primarily sleep on the right-hand side. My nightstand is on the right side even though I'm left handed. It works for me, for now.

When I do have a bed mate, it makes no difference to me what side I sleep on. I allow my bed mate to choose because I can sleep on either side without any problems.

I don't like sleeping against a wall. I don't usually suffer from claustrophobia, but I it kicks in when I'm sleeping against a wall. I shiver just thinking of it!

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I'm interested in what SleepyButch wrote because it sounds like she prefers to take a protective position. It makes sense to me that I would prefer my partner to sleep closer to the door and that I would prefer to sleep in the more protected place, closer to the wall.

Originally Posted by Smiling

Hi Cheryl,
I inferred the same thing from Sleepy's post, too; but what you wrote is also very interesting to me because personally, I'm not sure I'd feel more safe being sandwiched against the wall. On the contrary, I think I would feel trapped and therefore, less safe in the event of a fire or other emergency.

I don't think I've ever slept in a bed that was up against the wall but I can see your point Smiling. You could always pull the bed out a foot or so right?

My reasoning is that I am being protective. If something comes in the door, it will be me that encounters it first. Just makes me feel better. It's the same reason I walk closest to the curb if I'm walking with a femme. It's just what I do and I'm sure I'm not the only one around her who feels this way.

[Smiling]

I just need to feel like there is enough room to make a quick getaway should the need ever arise. lol, a foot of room would probably be more than adequate for that purpose. For me, happiness is both of my feet being able to make contact with the flooring in case I need to Flintstone's it the heck outta there, lol.

[DaddyShaun]

I am the dominate sexual partner and prefer the right side but interestingly enough I position the bed so that the right side is closest to the door so that I can protect my partner.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Ok I'll bite.

Are you looking at the bed, or looking from the bed when you say right side/left side?

If you are looking AT the bed, i sleep on the right side because i roll to the left. My wife who is bossy as heck, sleeps on the left because it is easier to get up and use the restroom fast...works for us!

[candy_coated_bitch]

I've virtually always the Dominant partner in a relationship and most often sleep on the right hand side. It hasn't been 100% right hand side in the past though. It depends on a lot of factors because I have weird sleeping paranoias.

For me, the Dominance comes in when I chose what side I want and tell my sleeping partner that they get the other side and don't get to choose LOL!

[firegal]

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

I don't think I've ever slept in a bed that was up against the wall but I can see your point Smiling. You could always pull the bed out a foot or so right?

My reasoning is that I am being protective. If something comes in the door, it will be me that encounters it first. Just makes me feel better. It's the same reason I walk closest to the curb if I'm walking with a femme. It's just what I do and I'm sure I'm not the only one around her who feels this way.

I agree if I hear something I,m outa bed asap to investigate!

Also the curb thing,me too some say its old school. I say its my preference.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I get the bed, they get the floor, unless we travel then I allow them to be at my right, I like being close to the door.... I'm not sure what that has to do with Dominance other than it's who I am, bed or not..

[DapperButch]

I sleep on the left side so that when I turn towards my partner to have sexy times I am on the correct side of the bed for my dominant hand to roam.

I can't think of a time/bedroom where this didn't mean I wasn't closest to the door. I definitely don't like the wall, either.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I sleep on the left side so that when I turn towards my partner to have sexy times I am on the correct side of the bed for my dominant hand to roam.

I can't think of a time/bedroom where this didn't mean I wasn't closest to the door. I definitely don't like the wall, either.

in my bed..

It takes 2 hands for sexy times...

[nycfem]

I sleep on the left side in our current bed in our current home. I didn't ever notice what side I was on until I read this quiz and had to think about it. I totally don't get how it has to do with dominance but this thread has been interesting to read, and I'm not even sure why . I also am fascinated that people on this thread consider sleeping in these "protective" positions. Who knew? I thought I was into old school but apparently it has depths beyond my knowledge base. It was also weird to start thinking of one side of the bed as protected and the other as dangerous. I'm trying to take it all in!

For me I just want to be closest to the bathroom and the door. I want to be able to get up. I want to have space and a table right by me. I always assert this right away. "Do you mind if I..." Any butch or FTM that I've ended up in a relationship with has always been totally chill about this. It's better for them anyway, because I'm very hyperactive and take a long time going to sleep. If I was boxed in, the other person would never be able to sleep.

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.

Then I thought about why I ended up with partners who were so cool about my always picking that side of the bed. Is it because I like being a princess? Don't answer that! It's just me thinking out loud and probably better for me to hash out in my own mind or with a trained professional.

I think it would be hella hot to be expected to sleep on the floor. Fuck yes! But outside of that scenario, I guess I'm quick to box someone into the wall

[Martina]

Closest to the door so I can go to the bathroom during the night. Teacher's bladder. When I have to go, I have to go.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by nycfem

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." ...

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but... What a JERK! You dodged the bullet on that one.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by nycfem

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.

Yes, I absolutely think that is true a lot of the time. For me--the fact that I'm a Domme and have mostly but not exclusively slept on the right side of the bed is an interesting coincidence as far as the side of the bed theory. When I initially said it depends on all of my sleeping paranoias, I sincerely meant that my choice of side of the bed is motivated by some deep shit. Which includes PTSD/trauma stuff and chronic insomnia and nightmares.

I prefer to be farthest away from the door, with my partner between me and the door. I like that protective thing even though I'm a Domme. For me it feels more like a service thing and also somebody accommodating my needs rather than someone being dominant over me because they take the protective position. However, I ALSO need to be free to get out of bed repeatedly through the night because I usually sleep very little and sometimes not at all. I have a lot of anxiety and panic around sleep and if I am boxed into the bed with no way to freely get out I feel like I am suffocating. Sometimes these two needs conflict depending on how a room is set up.

Right now I don't share a bed with anyone so my room and bed are set up purely based on the fact that I sleep alone. My bed is in the corner farthest from the door, which means the right hand side of the bed is boxed into a corner. I have a huge dresser at the foot of bed, between the bed and the door, sort of creating a little sleeping box/nook that is protected, yet completely open on the left hand side so I can get out of bed very easily, and the left hand side also has a bedside table with all the things I might need or want in the middle of the night. All of this is very deliberate.

Sharing this bed set up would be problematic with another person because it means I'd have to choose between my need to be as far away from the door as possible and my need to be able to freely get up during the night. In this case--I would choose being able to get up freely during the middle of the night and not feel boxed in. The bed feels reasonably well protected because of the dresser, my bedroom door has a lock on it, and being boxed in is by far and away the greater of the two evils. And for the record--it would put me on the left side of the bed.

NONE of this has to do with dominance at all. I expect who I sleep with to accommodate me. Ok maybe it's partially out of dominance or having a dominant personality LOL, but mainly I expect someone to comply with my wishes out of respect for the fact that I literally will not sleep even a minute if someone else puts my sleeping issues too out of whack. Usually it doesn't matter as much to the other person so I don't feel bad about it for even a second. I also could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have a more casual attitude towards side of the bed issues than myself.

Anywho. Not sure now why I shared all that except for that I am finding this thread interesting as well and to illustrate that side of the bed choice can be a complicated thing that is unrelated to dominance at all. I absolutely see how it comes into play. But it can also be "deep shit" as nycfem puts it, thing that have to do with convenience, or maybe something else no one has even mentioned yet.