Lack of understanding of genderqueer

[Kelt]

I agree, I think a lot of these labels are what the individual makes of them. When I was 14 the word 'genderqueer' didn't exist. If there was a middle of the road, 'dip your toe in the pond' phrase it was Bi as a graduating step to Gay (To be clear that was a sign of the times in the 70's, it is now a clear distinct identity) or Lesbian. Gender discussion wasn't happening per se. I was claiming Butch by the time I was 17 and had gotten a OS mentor a decade my senior to teach me the ropes. It was a bit different then, everything was.

As an individual I am also TG although I find that term to be lacking as well. While masculine to the core I have been treated by society as at least partly female for 50 years. That leaves it's mark on the psyche. My stature is such, (short with smallish hands), that I rarely pass for more than a few minutes. In the minds of others something doesn't add up and I get a second hard going over. In the eye of society I barely register at all any more, that's an age thing, maybe as an oddity or a bit of a freak. I have been judged by appearance over merit for a lifetime. That just is what it is. I am so glad times are different now for those like you Butcher, that are coming up in new times.

But those are external markers, the terms we use for ourselves to ourselves carry the real weight. I spent a lot of years just saying "I don't need labels, I'm beyond definition" what a load of bullocks, I was afraid to look in the mirror for anything more than posturing. I think genderqueer and butch can easily go together or separate depending on the individual. People who grow, will grow in and out of terms and labels for their whole life, nobody has to say 'this' is the only thing they are. Label X may be right for a decade or three and then something else will fit best.

For me for now Genderqueer Butch fits pretty well, I'll let you know when I grow up some more.

Since age is part of the discussion right now, I'm 53 and have always included Butch in any set of identifiers.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Thanks kelt for the reasons you use it. I'd like to hear more about those who do and why.

It took too many years to come across genderqueer as an identity. The moment I heard/read it I knew it fit me to a tee.

Heavily socialised as female in my birth family I had proclaimed long and loudly that I wasn't like everyone else and that I felt myself to be neither male nor female but a third gender.

I didn't come out until I was 26yrs old [25yrs ago this month] and a major personal puzzle piece was put in place and felt 'right'.

From thereon I found myself on the androgene spectrum. Butch never felt right for me. I'm more Beau Brummel than Mike the Mechanic [yes I know butch comes in all flavours in reality]; Infact, I'm a wee 'glitter poof'

I came across genderqueer as id/label on what was the main UK BF website at the time. Age 39 and half I discovered my gender label, the one that I could happily accept and inhabit. It too put another large piece of my personal puzzle into place.

I love my self chosen labels and have never eschewed their use. I am empowered by my labels which have helped me explain and claim who I am for myself chiefly and by happenstance have helped indicate to others who/what I identify as. A few of those labels are community specific and don't make much sense to those not part of those communities though.
In my experience explaining genderqueer to mainstream lesbians (and every other group bar kinsters) is nigh on impossible. I know this because I've tried on many, many occasions with many, many non-BF 'gay' folks. But then try explaining Daddy to non-kink folks too.

Currently my life is mainly populated by hetero folk. It has created much consternation for me in their lack of acceptance of difference, of anything they've not come across before, of their refusal to think of gender as anything other than binary but I am powerless over people, places and things and therefore cannot make others see me as I see myself. I can only lead by non-judgemental, accepting example.

In summary, I have found over the years, a distinct lack of understanding around genderqueer, except in our very small b/f/t microcosm.

[Butcher]

Thank you guys for your input. Its good to know that genderqueer has become used by many varying kinds of people and age groups. I consider that a beautiful thing.

[JDeere]

Honestly I still don't get it, I have heard of the term but still don't understand. Can you give a definition in dummy terms, for me please?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Some people use it meaning they don't feel like a woman, nor a man but their own gender, and use it in that sense. Some of my partners have had a masculine gender that was not a "man" but just their own making, so they called themselves genderqueer - since the gender had no name as it was individual, they prefered calling themselves genderqueer.

Some people use it because they feel they have more than one gender. My exwife felt like she was a woman (gender) and a butch (gender) and those two genders shifted back and forth with each other like a lava lamp. She called herself gender fluid/genderqueer

Some people shift back and forth between woman and man, like my friend David-Jane. S/he does not wish to physically change hir sex from male to female, but hir two genders share the same body and depending on the day of the week s/he is David or Jane. S/he calls hirself genderqueer.

There are other uses for it. But those are three that I personally am most familiar with.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Some people use it meaning they don't feel like a woman, nor a man but their own gender, and use it in that sense. Some of my partners have had a masculine gender that was not a "man" but just their own making, so they called themselves genderqueer - since the gender had no name as it was individual, they prefered calling themselves genderqueer.

Some people use it because they feel they have more than one gender. My exwife felt like she was a woman (gender) and a butch (gender) and those two genders shifted back and forth with each other like a lava lamp. She called herself gender fluid/genderqueer

Some people shift back and forth between woman and man, like my friend David-Jane. S/he does not wish to physically change hir sex from male to female, but hir two genders share the same body and depending on the day of the week s/he is David or Jane. S/he calls hirself genderqueer.

There are other uses for it. But those are three that I personally am most familiar with.

Thank you, it's a relative new term for me to hear.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Some people use it meaning they don't feel like a woman, nor a man but their own gender, and use it in that sense. Some of my partners have had a masculine gender that was not a "man" but just their own making, so they called themselves genderqueer - since the gender had no name as it was individual, they prefered calling themselves genderqueer.

Some people use it because they feel they have more than one gender. My exwife felt like she was a woman (gender) and a butch (gender) and those two genders shifted back and forth with each other like a lava lamp. She called herself gender fluid/genderqueer

Some people shift back and forth between woman and man, like my friend David-Jane. S/he does not wish to physically change hir sex from male to
female, but hir two genders share the same body and depending on the day of the week s/he is David or Jane. S/he calls hirself genderqueer.

There are other uses for it. But those are three that I personally am most familiar with.

What a great explaination!

Very clear and well thought out...easy for even me to understand.