Being female within Butch

[Birch]

I guess I will give it a shot...

I guess what hits me like ascot was asking is when someone uses my real first name. I have had the same nickname forever...my pay stubs have it...bank stuff uses it and so on..
Every now and again I am shocked to hear the name.....via voice message or just something new in my life. In a waiting room and my name is called and the confusion and looks when I get up as THAT person.
The shock is not oh I am a woman...it's more...that's me?....in a general sense. It might just be seeing others reactions. That they are not aware of butches in general...which I completely don't get. Hopefully those moments open eyes and people in general are more aware.

I think every human is amazing in their own skin.

I also just wanted to mention something about the vitamins......
I found out a long time ago that I have very high testosterone levels...and because of this my doc told me to get men's vitamins and hair care ...hygiene products.

I hope this was on topic.

Birch

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Birch

I also just wanted to mention something about the vitamins......
I found out a long time ago that I have very high testosterone levels...and because of this my doc told me to get men's vitamins and hair care ...hygiene products.

I hope this was on topic.

Birch

I think this is good to highlight. A lot of butches will buy all male products when it isn't the right choice for their bodies, especially vitamins, which will not meet their body's needs.

Until I went on testosterone (very recently), I always bought "women's shampoo". Women's shampoos are created for cleaning hair that is grown from an estrogen based hormone system. It has nothing to do with one's sex/gender identity.

If people are uncomfortable buying body products whose ingredients are influenced by the person's sex (which not all "womens" and "mens" products are), they should consider buying unisex products. My body lotion, for example, has been "for all bodies". My face lotion has always been a "woman's" face lotion (not that I have always been good about using it!).

I know I am continuing something that may be a bit off topic, but I have never seen this discussed on BFP and I think it is important for people to know/note.

[Ascot]

I only have a minute right now, but I want to express my appreciation for how this thread is going. There has been wonderful input and insight and no one's been contentious. Regarding what some might consider veering off topic, what's a little tangentiality between friends? Viva la evolution.

[ProfPacker]

it always amazes that you get what you need when you need it. Miss Tick spoke of many of my feelings. However as many know I have discovered and allowed my more masculine side to emerge and yet still feel like a female and a woman. I do feel the woman part reciding as I feel more butch but I like to embrace all parts of myself. I do feel that at times I love how I have evolved as butch in dress and demeanor and feeling. The world sees me as a woman and my kids see me as a woman although I feel more female than woman.

However, there are times that I feel between two worlds. The world that knew me before my change in my sense of self and the world that knows me as I change.

I have to admit and this is hard that when I am id'd as I have been as someone's bf I am both excited by it and confused by it and my feeling. It is about gender not sex. I don't know where this is going but this thread is very good for me.

[Ascot]

It certainly wasn't my intent to let this thread languish. Darn that pesky thing called life getting in the way!

It's funny how things go. The other day I was shopping and as I was perusing the shampoo (I change it up fairly regularly) this thread crossed my mind. Prior to starting it, I'd never once given any thought to whether what I washed my hair with was created for someone with an estrogen based physiology. I've most often made my choice based on the fragrance of it. I appreciated that I'd been given that food for thought.

What I've most been thinking about is the masculinity vs. male idea;lately I've been taking a much closer look at it. As someone said, Miss Tick I think, it can be quite difficult sifting one from the other. Societally. there is most often little if any difference between the constructs. I will readily admit that within my ideal butch/femme framework, there are elements of the heteronormative paradigm that appeal to me greatly. A large part of that appeal is the perversion of it that exists because there are two women in the dynamic; me, the masculine half who adores and revels in the glorious femininity of the other half even as she is enamored of and excited by my masculinity. It may well happen that some of our responsibilities break down along stereotypical gender lines and I love that, when I have one, my partner appreciates that I'm still very much female. There are particular contexts in which I find being called Sir incredibly erotic. (The grocery store is not one of them) I wear men's clothes, I take up space, I am unapologetic about my assertive energy. To many who don't know any better, I'm sure these traits and many more would have them thinking I'm "the man" in the relationship. Sometimes I want to rail against such ignorance, but the fact is, most of the time I'm fine with it. I get off on it and play with it on occasion. I don't care what it looks like to anyone from the outside. Still, I've not once ever harbored a desire to truly be male. I enjoy straddling that line, twisting it, blurring it, but I don't ever wish to be completely on the other side of it. As far as I'm concerned, being Butch is the best of all possible worlds for me. I get to be as masculine as suits me without having to pick up some of the baggage that this world can put on men. I also don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything because I'm not granted whatever perceived benefits come with "male privilege".

[TruTexan]

I love being the butch that I am and that equates to straddling and blurring the lines for me as well. I have never wanted to be male or a man. I love being the woman that I am, strong minded, assertive, even aggressive. I too am often seen as "the man" in the relationship, even though that isn't true. I don't even bother correcting people anymore, it doesn't bother me what they think, it's what *I* think that matters and how *I* feel about who I am. And with that, I Love Who I Am and That Happens to be a Female , a Woman, and Butch.

The ONLY thing that bothers me is how butches are treated within our own community, the lesbian community. for those that don't understand us and what it means to be butch, that we don't want to be a man. I've heard it time and time again said to me and to femme friends that date butches ..."If you want to be a man, get a sex change" and "If you want a man, then why not just be with one". That just curles my stomach into knots and makes me step up and speak up. Thank goodness I haven't heard that much in my life though. But the times that I have, it got pretty heated during an argument that ensued over what was said.

[Ascot]

That sucks, Tru, what you've experienced. Even trying hard to recall, I cannot remember one instance wherein I've been the recipient of any butch backlash within the lesbian community. I was surprised and disappointed when you said you have. Maybe, because the folks I tend to associate with most are at least BDSM leaning, there is more openness? I don't ever face denigration of any sort. I don't generally in my life beyond the community, either. Yeah, sure, as I mentioned in my Butch Visibility thread, there's that one motherfucker at the locally owned hardware store and even he's starting to mellow a tad. It's been a long while, but I'm wearing him down.

I mean no disrespect to any of my brethren nor am I intentionally inviting scorn when I say that it's definitely the case that some butches have a major chip on their shoulder. I know I do about certain things from time to time, but it's never connected to how I make my Butch way in the world. I'm sure mine all have to do with things I'm not so keen on in myself. Likely, probably even, the chips are not unwarranted. A chip, wariness, reticence, discomfort in ones' skin, accessibility, trust, easygoingness, you name it...all of these things, I believe, emit vibrations/energy/some message that others react to subconsciously. I will talk with anyone, and it never crosses my mind to wonder what their feelings are regarding my butchness. (I'm talking about the public at large. I often think about what Femmes think and feel in proximity to my butchness) It's not something on me. It's in me. It is me. I knew I was queer when I was a little kid. And, while I didn't have the vernacular to label myself Butch, I knew myself to be not at all girly. It's never been a separate part of my identity. I'm meandering. I wonder if butches who embraced that aspect of themselves later in their journey and who might not yet feel quite so settled into it are also those who most get less than positive treatment? Some people are just asshats and butchness has nothing to do with it. Back to the chip thing. If you've had a lot of bad shit happen to you specifically because you're Butch, it makes sense that you might be on the defensive a lot of the time. I've talked about shouldering it. About how by being butch I'm outing myself every time I leave the house. I like that. I like that as I go about my day I hope at least one stranger who interacted me had the thought, "Yeah, she's definitely a lesbian, and she's friendly and funny and just like everybody else. Huh." I think it must be dreadful to assume that people are going to react negatively to your butchness. My shoulders tighten just imagining it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this...

Another thing I think would be fun and interesting to talk about are those traits/passions/hobbies we might possess or engage in that are considered decidedly more feminine by most everyone. Do you think, "Because I'm Butch, everything I do is Butch!" or are you more like me and from time to time catch yourself thinking, "Hmm, that was pretty girly."? There is nothing negative for me in such thinking, but there is definite amusement. A straight female friend is getting married in August, and the last time we got together for lunch, she asked if afterward I would help her shop for necklaces for her bridesmaids. She has a particular color scheme in mind, but otherwise the style is wide open. I think she's going to base her choices on the bridesmaids' personalities which I think is cool. So there I am, prowling vintage shops, combing through piles of jewelry, offering commentary. It was a lot of fun and felt pretty girly. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. That "I'm doing something girly" sensation...it's hard to describe. It's amusing as I said, and strange though it might seem, in a way it's reaffirming of my butchness. The dichotomy, maybe? Mentally it kind of feels like playing dress up. Sometimes it's just fun to flounce.