Family drama

Have your parents said you're unwelcome in their home? Or is that just a feeling borne out of this current frustration? Remember feelings are fleeting, they can come and go as quick as a bad lover!

A little background
I have a family situation. Not because I'm queer but because of how I behaved as a teenage addict. I'm now 51yrs old and the siblings [ages 50 & 45yrs] have held 31yr silent-treatment grudges.

The solution for me
What I've learned in recent years is that I have no control AT ALL over people [what they say, do or think], places or things. The things I have any control over are myself and my perception of the world.

Talking through other folks long held prejudices has never gone well for me. So instead I work on my own stuff. In some places they call it 'Keeping our side of the street clean'; I work hard on seeing my own part in such difficulties. After that I let the situation go and concentrate on making my life as happy as it can be for myself and the family I've chosen to be in my life. Giving other folks rent-free space in my head to bring me misery is a really unhealthy place and I take steps to make sure I don't hand over that level power over my thinking to anyone else nowadays.

If I was in your shoes
I would continue visiting my folks with my partner. I would be civil with the irritant. I would do my best to be kind to everyone and behave in ways that I would wish to be treated. In other words I would lead by example. Actions speak way louder than words.

[Sassy]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Have your parents said you're unwelcome in their home? Or is that just a feeling borne out of this current frustration? Remember feelings are fleeting, they can come and go as quick as a bad lover!

My father is a narcissist who has never liked anyone I brought home. And he has said some passing untoward things in my presence since having a stroke two years ago. His personality just isn't the same and he's less emotionally stable. (Tough situation that will probably only get worse with age.)
He also thinks the sun rises and sets on his grandsons heads so he makes excuses for their mother. "Your SIL loves her children and just wants to be a good mother. There's no harm in them going to church. It's something social to do." (Except it's more than social. It's a Baptist church that drinks the hate koolaid each Sunday while their Glenn Beck loving preacher talks about the evils of the liberal agenda.)

My mom is loving and generous and has never said an unkind word to me or my partner.

My issue with talking to my brother has to do with how little time he gets to spend at home with his family. He travels so much For work and has 5 children at home. I dread the idea of ruining any of his time with family.

Yes, at some point I'll have to make a point of discussing the issue. It's not like anyone seems worried about my comfort, or my partner's comfort, when spending time with family.

At least I'm starting to shift from sad to mad - taking into a little anger can't hurt at this point. I have just been SO heartbroken that i couldn't get past wanting to just "fix" ... something. But there's no "fixing" to be had. Only various degrees of communication, boundaries, acceptance and tolerance all around.

[TruTexan]

Sassy, just don't let the anger mode consume you during your processing things. Good luck and hope things go well for you.