Caregivers and Stress

Kelt · 03-23-2015, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Kelt,

Check and see if the area has a senior center, or if there is one in a larger town nearby...they will have a list of Doctors that specialize in geriatric care.

Ah Ha! I hadn't thought of that one. I'm getting good info from you folks here and in pm's and rep, thank you all! Keep 'em comin'.

MsTinkerbelly · 03-23-2015, 09:15 PM

Kelt,

When you check out homes, check with your (the state it is in) licensing agency for their most recent facility review, which will give all violations and corrections made by the facility. It is public info, so you will not have trouble obtaining the reports in a timely manner. You can get the telephone number from the facility license which should be posted in plain sight.

Ask for a list of menus from past months, find out flexability of meals and special diets, staff to clent ratio, a list of the past month's activities...do they provide rides to shopping, doctor appointments etc.

Also, be careful when bringing personal belongings to the home...anything of value will disappear very quickly...tis the nature of the beast. Take pictures, affix permenant labels, engrave things like televisions with name or identifying info.

There are exceptional care facilities, and there are exceptionally BAD facilities...since you will not be around to do daily checks, look deeper than they want you to see. I ran care facilities as a certified administrator for 16 years, and the stories i could tell you!

Kelt · 03-24-2015, 07:08 PM

MsTinkerbelly, you are 100% right. Fortunately the facilities I've gone to seem to be eager to show off their reports and other awards for excellence for bragging rights.

We have been picking up menus and as I schedule the next round of places for my mother on the next trip I've been setting up lunch tours where we will look each place over and then go over the details while having lunch in the dining room with the residents.

The place where my father is also warned us about valuables and we are labeling everything. They gave us a lockbox for any valuables and I put his electric razor in it. Unfortunately, my mother only remembered to give it to him once in two weeks, so I just put in in a drawer where aides can give it to him and if it grows legs I'll just get him another.

So today has been going swimmingly, me making tons of calls and setting appts, making spreadsheets to compare everything (

there's always a silver lining) and making several really good quality contacts. I found what I believe to be a really good hospice outfit and am setting up a sit down with the intake nurse for my next trip over so that I can get that into place when the Medicare 100 is over. So, I called the social worker to verify the quality of the hospice orginization and that they like to work with them and....

**** Trigger portion ****

Only one problem.

My father has quit participating in anything. Refusing to get out of bed, go to therapy, eat, anything. So when I called, she told me that they had a conference this morning about him and the Dr will see him tommorow morning. I was clear with my father about how this works: if he makes progress in any of the three therapy areas and participates, Medicare picks up the tab: if he doesn't, they won't.

So now, we are setting up a teleconference call "care conference" on Friday, with all departments and both my mother and father present. I have to figure out how to talk to a man who can't speak, on the phone, in a room full of people he isn't cooperating with, from several hundred miles away...

I, and they, believe he is trying to die. I don't blame him, I would too, this is his living nightmare. He lives in a state with "Death with Dignity" laws, but he has to be able to make verbal requests and self administer the drugs to carry it out.

I seriously don't know what the f*ck to do.

I already pulled the plug once. 6 weeks ago in the hospital they called it at 72 hours and with his medical directive against feeding tubes and DNR in place, signed him off to the 'end of days' type hospice and authorized the fluid IV to be pulled so he would die faster of dehydration. The next morning right before transport got there he woke up. Now here we are. I dunno. Now the only way this works for him is to die of starvation and that will probably break my mother.

Well, once again, thanks for listening.

TruTexan · 03-24-2015, 07:58 PM

Kelt, I honestly feel for you, your family and everything you are having to go through. Can your father communicate through writing at all since he cannot talk? What about a computer pushing the letters with an aid of some sort so he can type what he needs to say? I'm so sorry he's going through this and that your mom is as well and that you are all alone doing this yourself. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I can lend an ear to listen if you wanna talk one on one. Just trying to offer you a friend if you need one to talk to.
I admire your strength, determination and endurance Kelt. It isn't easy doing what you are doing for your parents and being so far away. It isn't any easier being there with them either, can be more difficult dealing with all this close up first hand too. Keep on keeping on Kelt and hang in there .

Kelt · 03-24-2015, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruTexan

Kelt, I honestly feel for you, your family and everything you are having to go through. Can your father communicate through writing at all since he cannot talk? What about a computer pushing the letters with an aid of some sort so he can type what he needs to say? I'm so sorry he's going through this and that your mom is as well and that you are all alone doing this yourself. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I can lend an ear to listen if you wanna talk one on one. Just trying to offer you a friend if you need one to talk to.
I admire your strength, determination and endurance Kelt. It isn't easy doing what you are doing for your parents and being so far away. It isn't any easier being there with them either, can be more difficult dealing with all this close up first hand too. Keep on keeping on Kelt and hang in there .

It's a good idea, and I did try it. He reads and comprehends well so I took over a large printed alphabet and a pointing device. It turns out to be a one way street, he can get letters in but not out. I think he's short circuited. He can point a drawings that speech therapy gave him of "wheelchair", "bed", "lay down" in picture form. He indicated he wanted my pen and paper once and I gave them to him: it was total frustration for him and I'm not trained in how to do these things. I think over time he could re-learn some, but the cancer would get him before then.

Thanks for the ideas though.

03-24-2015, 07:08 PM	#3
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,279 Times in 2,538 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Trigger warning: death and assisted death discussed MsTinkerbelly, you are 100% right. Fortunately the facilities I've gone to seem to be eager to show off their reports and other awards for excellence for bragging rights. We have been picking up menus and as I schedule the next round of places for my mother on the next trip I've been setting up lunch tours where we will look each place over and then go over the details while having lunch in the dining room with the residents. The place where my father is also warned us about valuables and we are labeling everything. They gave us a lockbox for any valuables and I put his electric razor in it. Unfortunately, my mother only remembered to give it to him once in two weeks, so I just put in in a drawer where aides can give it to him and if it grows legs I'll just get him another. So today has been going swimmingly, me making tons of calls and setting appts, making spreadsheets to compare everything ( there's always a silver lining) and making several really good quality contacts. I found what I believe to be a really good hospice outfit and am setting up a sit down with the intake nurse for my next trip over so that I can get that into place when the Medicare 100 is over. So, I called the social worker to verify the quality of the hospice orginization and that they like to work with them and.... ** Trigger portion ** Only one problem. My father has quit participating in anything. Refusing to get out of bed, go to therapy, eat, anything. So when I called, she told me that they had a conference this morning about him and the Dr will see him tommorow morning. I was clear with my father about how this works: if he makes progress in any of the three therapy areas and participates, Medicare picks up the tab: if he doesn't, they won't. So now, we are setting up a teleconference call "care conference" on Friday, with all departments and both my mother and father present. I have to figure out how to talk to a man who can't speak, on the phone, in a room full of people he isn't cooperating with, from several hundred miles away... I, and they, believe he is trying to die. I don't blame him, I would too, this is his living nightmare. He lives in a state with "Death with Dignity" laws, but he has to be able to make verbal requests and self administer the drugs to carry it out. I seriously don't know what the f*ck to do. I already pulled the plug once. 6 weeks ago in the hospital they called it at 72 hours and with his medical directive against feeding tubes and DNR in place, signed him off to the 'end of days' type hospice and authorized the fluid IV to be pulled so he would die faster of dehydration. The next morning right before transport got there he woke up. Now here we are. I dunno. Now the only way this works for him is to die of starvation and that will probably break my mother. Well, once again, thanks for listening.

03-24-2015, 07:58 PM	#4
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,266 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Kelt, I honestly feel for you, your family and everything you are having to go through. Can your father communicate through writing at all since he cannot talk? What about a computer pushing the letters with an aid of some sort so he can type what he needs to say? I'm so sorry he's going through this and that your mom is as well and that you are all alone doing this yourself. If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. I can lend an ear to listen if you wanna talk one on one. Just trying to offer you a friend if you need one to talk to. I admire your strength, determination and endurance Kelt. It isn't easy doing what you are doing for your parents and being so far away. It isn't any easier being there with them either, can be more difficult dealing with all this close up first hand too. Keep on keeping on Kelt and hang in there . __________________

03-23-2015, 09:15 PM	#2
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Kelt, When you check out homes, check with your (the state it is in) licensing agency for their most recent facility review, which will give all violations and corrections made by the facility. It is public info, so you will not have trouble obtaining the reports in a timely manner. You can get the telephone number from the facility license which should be posted in plain sight. Ask for a list of menus from past months, find out flexability of meals and special diets, staff to clent ratio, a list of the past month's activities...do they provide rides to shopping, doctor appointments etc. Also, be careful when bringing personal belongings to the home...anything of value will disappear very quickly...tis the nature of the beast. Take pictures, affix permenant labels, engrave things like televisions with name or identifying info. There are exceptional care facilities, and there are exceptionally BAD facilities...since you will not be around to do daily checks, look deeper than they want you to see. I ran care facilities as a certified administrator for 16 years, and the stories i could tell you!