Caregivers and Stress

[Kätzchen]

Thought I would share a tiny bit more about my role as a caregiver to not only my mother, but as a caregiver to my youngest son.

Last summer, my youngest son lived on his own, worked a relentless schedule at work (upwards of more than 60 hrs/wk), then moved back home last October and fell apart mentally and emotionally. For the past three months, I have observed him having lucid moments to sheer irrationality, bordering what I think has spiraled into a strange case of schizophrenia.

My youngest son spends hours sleeping or will wander off for unexplainable walks to unknown locations. Only to come back and melt into his bed and have conversations with people you cannot see.

He's been in and out of the hospital. No insurance, not able to work, can't get him to go to a social service agency to get approved for a state medical card or be evaluated properly by medical personnel.

There are days I feel I can't take another single incident or event --- with either my son or my mother (she is and can be very needy).

But I keep watch over my son and look for ways I can lead him to safety, when he seems to be lucid/rational.

My heart goes out to those of us who are caring for people, near and dear to us.

[Martina]

I am truly terrified as I enter this phase. I am afraid I am not going to be good at caretaking, that I will be impatient or bring her down with my sadness and fear.

I also hate to see her struggle with anything really. This is my mother I am talking about. I can't say the words, but this is a disease where there is not a lot of hope. We do hope. But it's hard. I mean it's hard. It's weird sitting in a neuro unit listening to others and wishing your mom had been shot in the head or had had a stroke. Or had heart disease or anything else almost. She's always been healthy. Always afraid of illness too. And then this. She is not prepared for it.

I just want to find the thing in the universe that I can blame for this and beat it to a bloody pulp. If we were wealthy, we could not buy our way out of this. We are going to a world famous cancer center in a couple of weeks. My mom overheard a nurse talking about it and referred to us as richy riches. We're not. Far from it. We have insurance and the sense to go to a world famous cancer center. I mean, shit, who would not try to go to one?

But no one has a handle on this. No one. A future generation may not face this terrifying prospect, but my mom will.

[TruTexan]

My heart goes out to you, your mom and your family, Martina. I pray for your mom to have a successful journey fighting this disease. I know all too well the toll cancer can take on a family, my uncle had brain cancer. I wish you strength and patience in your time of need and for your mom I wish her courage, strength, willpower, and wellness.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Martina

I am truly terrified as I enter this phase. I am afraid I am not going to be good at caretaking, that I will be impatient or bring her down with my sadness and fear.

I also hate to see her struggle with anything really. This is my mother I am talking about. I can't say the words, but this is a disease where there is not a lot of hope. We do hope. But it's hard. I mean it's hard. It's weird sitting in a neuro unit listening to others and wishing your mom had been shot in the head or had had a stroke. Or had heart disease or anything else almost. She's always been healthy. Always afraid of illness too. And then this. She is not prepared for it.

I just want to find the thing in the universe that I can blame for this and beat it to a bloody pulp. If we were wealthy, we could not buy our way out of this. We are going to a world famous cancer center in a couple of weeks. My mom overheard a nurse talking about it and referred to us as richy riches. We're not. Far from it. We have insurance and the sense to go to a world famous cancer center. I mean, shit, who would not try to go to one?

But no one has a handle on this. No one. A future generation may not face this terrifying prospect, but my mom will.

My heart goes out to you and yours.

It's like being on the edge of a cliff and having no idea if the other side is a thousand mile drop or a step and even more terrifying is knowing there is no safety net, no harness to hold you up. I get it. We get it. Hang in there. One day at a time. One hour, one minute at a time. That is all you can do.

[Kelt]

I actually took the day off today.

It was hard as things kept popping into my head but I just jotted them onto a list for tomorrow. I slept in, errands, shopping, gym, library, cleaned the house, and enjoyed a river walk.

I did pick up a couple of books at the library researched the day before but didn't open them. Now I'm watching a movie.

MUCH. Needed.

[afrcnqueen]

The latest update with mom:

She went back into the hospital on Tuesday last week with a MRSA infection on the toe that was amputated.
She was in more pain than before.
While in isolation this week and fighting off the infection. She decided to have the surgeon take the entire foot about 1/3 of the way down from the knee. This way she has a better chance of wearing a prosthetic after.
Will the foot amputation work and she will be on the mend and pain free? Can't say. Don't really know. she also has the other foot to deal with in the near future. She may end up amputating that one as well.

In the meantime, I need to think about making the house accessible for her to get around in. Things such as wheel chair ramp; stair lift for the internal of the house; or possibly turning the basement into a 'studio' type living area for her.

I'm numb to be honest. I'm also overwhelmed. But I must do what needs to be done for her.

[TruTexan]

It's days and evenings like this one I just want to pull my fucking hair out and say.....don't call me bitching cause something is broke on your car, your brother says nothing is wrong and don't change out the part, and yoU KNOW it's broken and had my sister order the part for you, then tell ME I don't know what the fuck I"m talking about nor do I KNow what I know in how to replace the damned thing for free..............???? REALLY MOM???? I was a fucking mechanic !! REALLY?????????? ARE YOU going to tell me AGAIN HOW STUPID I AM and I DON"T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I"M DOING??????????? OH MY FUCKING GAAWD!!! I Just want to pull my fucking hair out now!