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The Femme Zone For all things "Femme" |
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#1 | |||
Joy Seeker
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I have no idea how wrong or right I am. lol Quote:
![]() I love that we are all here and we are all so different in how we approach this question! |
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#2 | |
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I said I am femme; femme means me - or something like that. I could be saying my mother is a sausage. To me femme is who I am - more than a gender, it is an orientation that transcends queer. Is femme defined by being the counterpart to butch? I think in some ways it does, the same way lesbian defines as being the match for another lesbian...??? But it means much more than that - it is an awareness of self, a strength, an existence that is much more powerful than being a female because I earned my place by working toward, growing into and proudly taking ownership of the mix of loving butch, being girly and being strong and capable all at once. And femme does not necessarily include "girly" because the power and strength of femme is defining who you are by what is right for you. And being loved and appreciated for it. And it could mean owning the proud title hooker. ![]() Comprenez-vous? Le hee hee hee |
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#3 | |
Joy Seeker
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Am I femme because I am attracted to butch energy. And my end thought was no/yes. ![]() I'd just be lonelier, but still femme. I would not change who I am. |
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#4 |
Joy Seeker
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Question du Jour:Who inspires you? This is not about femme per se but then again it is. Who inspires you to be the woman that you are?
Is it someone you know? Is it a relative? Is it an author? An artist? Perhaps it is none of that but something else. So tell the Salon de Femme. Who inspires you? |
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#5 | |
Joy Seeker
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Who inspires me? I think that this list could go on and on and on but I want to just talk about one right now. My mama. She was such a strong woman. She divorced my dad when I was 3 (she'd found out he was gay--long story.) Then she raised my sister and I. I learned a lot from her but the one thing that stands out is that she taught me to love without reservation. That inspires me. It inspires me to be the woman I know I can be. |
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#6 | |
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My sixteen year old daughter Ariel has inspired me since she came screaming into this world and making demands to be heard by all. I have learned to be more fearless, embrace my youthfull side, love deeper and want to be a better person not only for her, but myself. She has encouraged me to take risks and not be afraid of failure. She has taught me to its ok to laugh at myself and to find humor in tough situations. That young woman inspires me daily and I love her for that.
Jewel Quote:
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#7 | |
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For me, femme is my descriptor for my energy. |
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#8 | |
Joy Seeker
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Femme as a descriptor for your energy. Brilliant. Simple and complex and really suits my worldview, blush. Thanks. I am not sure I agree with you about hating it when I'm reduced down to who I sleep with. In a way, there is some part of me that craves that kind of simplicity. For me, it's like when I went home when Mama was still alive. I slipped into my labels of daughter/eldest and knew what was expected of me. There is a part of me that really craves knowing what is expected of me. Now I realize intellectually that's not going to happen all the time. but when I can be around friends who understand what femme is (or at least some version of femme), I find myself just a bit more comfortable in my skin, ya know? |
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#9 |
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I had a long post , spell checked it and it all disappeared
![]() and now I lost the momentum to throw it all down again ! But in a nutshell I believe in femme energy. It is that intangible "thing" that draws me. It is that energy that comes from digging a stiletto in, to avoid being trampled or overlooked in a harsh and critical world. Whether from a femme having to develope a deeper confident sense of self because of the invisibility issue, or simply how she moves in the world based on her OWN beliefs, desires and interactions. There is that femme energy that cannot be faked or pushed or canned that is so wildly attractive and desireable to me. Desireable as in wanting to be a part of it. Not controlling or assuming (as in assimilation) but as an overlay to who a femme is. And as an overlay to who I am. Friends, lovers, chance meetings ... that femme energy is unmistakeable and a part of my connectness in the world. |
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#10 | |
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Does that make sense? |
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#11 | |
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This is a great topic and I've really enjoyed reading everyone's contributions so far.
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But, as you said, I would still be femme if there were no butches in the world. It took me a long time to embrace the identity of femme. To decide and feel for myself what the term actually meant to me personally. In the beginning, I had to take "femme" and separate it from everything I despise about how society in general uses emphasized femininity to perpetuate male domination over women. That was a personal struggle. Somehow my life inside the queer community made me feel powerful enough to embrace my femme self and to define myself in a way that I'm comfortable with. I think, in part, it was being around butches who also thumbed their noses at society’s norms. It was also from being around other femmes who took the power to define for themselves. Here, in this community, I don’t have to reject the girlyness that makes me feel less powerful in broader society. Here, being a femme doesn’t assign me to a lower status. Being a femme has given me the power to be as feminine on the outside as I feel on the inside and not feel disadvantaged. I'm a femme in my little black dress. I'm a femme in my soccer mom get up. I'd still be a femme if I decided to dress up in my lover's men's jeans, boots, and button up flannel shirts. |
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