Stone Butches

[chrisbutch]

when you mention you are stone...some women just head for the hills....

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

when you mention you are stone...some women just head for the hills....

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I had a date with a stone butch who hadn't previously identified herself as such to me. When I told her I was a stonefemme and explained what that meant to me, she said, "I'm LOVING this". I wish it could always work out that way.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I agree. I want to be with someone who seeks a stone butch, not tolerates it. I have been fortunate in that regard.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I totally agree with this statement. Its hard to find a Stone Butch who "gets it" not just tolerates it

[MysticOceansFL]

A stone butch is a woman who is strongly masculine in character and dress, who tops their partners sexually (and sometimes emotionally), and who does not wish to be touched genitally. Not all stone butches identify in female terms, some are known to identify with male pronouns, and many stone butches - not all, but many - do not identify themselves with lesbian or within the lesbian community. A common partner for a stone butch is a Stone Femme, who is a femme who bottoms sexually or who wishes not to touch the genitals of her stone butch partner. This is not one hundred percent of the former or latter but is a overall old school pattern. Butches are very diverse in emotion and sexual expression.

[chrisbutch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

Thanks, yes you are right of course..
well...she hasn't run, as it happens......so we will see..

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I totally agree with this statement. Its hard to find a Stone Butch who "gets it" not just tolerates it

To clarify, I am assuming what you mean is it is hard to find a non stone butch who gets it, right? A stone butch would get it b/c they are stone like you, right?

As an aside, I do understand why it would be hard for someone of a non stone nature to understand how the way we stones have sex could meet someone's sexual needs.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

[kannon]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

To me, it means that you accept and respect your partner. Its all about the attitude. _

[cuddlyfemme]

Its here....Friday! Have a wonderful weekend all you handsome Stone Butches and Femme's that adore Stone Butches!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

Good point. I am glad you asked because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. I think that if someone feels completely satisfied with either a stone or non-stone partner, than acceptance would be a better word.

For me, in thinking about it, if I was with someone who could go either way, I think there would be a part of me that would always wonder if they were getting their needs met...or if they could get their needs met long term.

Granted, I am a "no touch", stone butch. Maybe if I were a "no penetration, but everything else is fine", stone butch, or a "don't touch me up top, but touch me everywhere else", stone butch, I would struggle less with understanding how one could go either way. Get what I am saying? If one enjoys touching/licking/sucking female genitals/breasts, then how could they possibly be able to get all of their sexual needs met without being able to have at least some contact with their partner's breasts/genitals? Is it analogous to the bisexual person who can be satisfied with only dating one sex (rather than the bisexual person who needs to have both sexes in order to be satisfied)?

Interesting subject, thanks for raising it.

[jac]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Good point. I am glad you asked because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. I think that if someone feels completely satisfied with either a stone or non-stone partner, than acceptance would be a better word.

For me, in thinking about it, if I was with someone who could go either way, I think there would be a part of me that would always wonder if they were getting their needs met...or if they could get their needs met long term.

Granted, I am a "no touch", stone butch. Maybe if I were a "no penetration, but everything else is fine", stone butch, or a "don't touch me up top, but touch me everywhere else", stone butch, I would struggle less with understanding how one could go either way. Get what I am saying? If one enjoys touching/licking/sucking female genitals/breasts, then how could they possibly be able to get all of their sexual needs met without being able to have at least some contact with their partner's breasts/genitals? Is it analogous to the bisexual person who can be satisfied with only dating one sex (rather than the bisexual person who needs to have both sexes in order to be satisfied)?

Interesting subject, thanks for raising it.

I kind of have to agree with Dapper on this... I would also wonder if her needs were actually being met, because what I'm getting from this is that, if you can go either way then somewhere inside you wants to touch, etc. I cannot provide that for the other person so I would have a sense of guilt because deep I would think that I am not fulfilling their needs fully.. which for me.. being the extreme stone giver, is what gets my needs met.

I guess if you have someone who is okay with a partner willing and accepting of going either way then that is a good fit... it's just not a good for me.

Thanks for asking...

[justanolecowboy]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

Thanks for starting this thread, I was wondering why there wasn't something for Stones
I was trying to explain to a friend a week ago or so what a Stone Butch was and equally what a Stone Femme was. After explaining, she realized that she's a Stone Femme!!
I adore Stone Butches, they totally get my get my pulse racing and my heart racing. There's nothing like an Old Fashioned Stone Butch...now if I could only fine a Single one lol

___Oh...we stone butches are out there...(single ones) ... just waiting...and searching...for that one femme who will appreciate us for all that we are and can be.... thanks for your post!

[SweetJane]

Thanks for this thread. It took me awhile to realize that I was a stone femme but finding that identity freed me and explained a lot of things in my life. Stones need their counterparts---stone butch and stone femme--because we understand like no other what it's like being stone or how much pleasure there is in finding that right complement to us.

I'm still looking. And since we are such a small percentage of the b-f community, which is a small percentage of the lesbian community, my search will be difficult. But I'm very glad for the discussion and the community on this thread.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by stone4play

Let's see... the best way for me to explain <<< this stone butch is that I'm a giver, not a receiver. I totally enjoy the cuddles and the loving and the affection but I have no desire whatsoever to be touched or perceived in a feminizing manner. This means anything below the waist. I get complete and total pleasure when the femme I am with is satisfied. By this I mean, I orgasm when she orgasms. It's the idea... the thought... it's a deep soulful thing to know that I am the one satisfying her needs that completely takes me over the top.
I have been in relationships where I was told that she understood my needs but six months, several years later, they asked for the unaskable. It changed things after that with each of them. I never really felt comfortable after that because I never knew if I would be asked again or if they were really okay with the arrangements we had talked about from the beginning. It's a trust and respect thing. It would be no different for a femme to tell me from the beginning that she does not like the idea of fisting or anal sex and then asking her later in the relationship if I could do that to her. Now if she changed her mind and not by my persuasion... then I would, but only at her request. Hope this helped...

sigh....sounds wonderful...

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by NIGHTrambler

___Oh...we stone butches are out there...(single ones) ... just waiting...and searching...for that one femme who will appreciate us for all that we are and can be.... thanks for your post!

.....gets high powered binoculars and telescopes out to look for single, sane, (well, somewhat sane), honorable stone butches! Maybe I need to shake the bushes a little and see what I can find there!

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

Laneydoll; I just wanted to say I like the way you worded your post. I think it means you accept this as there is nothing derogative or "bad" to tolerate.

[Heavenleahangel]

I am curious about myself as well. Do you think it is strange that when I am dating a ftm or someone who is stone that my mind just automatically "avoids" the areas that are off limits or in the case of a ftm, I just naturally associate that person as male-just like they present themselves as there is nothing feminine or feminizing about them? I have had many conversations where I have defended myself that "I couldnt possibly see someone as something other than what they are born as." It really offends me. Does this make me "strange"?
Dont get me wrong, I am all about pleasing my partner and making them feel good, but its almost as if its instilled in me that I *know* how to accomplish this without making them uncomfortable, overstepping boundaries or trying to do something they don't appreciate.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by Converse

Its interesting that you should write that there is an energy that is particular to Stones- of course I have heard of those who prefer to partner with Stones but I had always considered that a preference for a certain type of dynamic but had never contemplated that there was a “Stone energy”. Elsewhere in an attempt to clarify what is meant by a “feminizing touch” in the context of a Stone I wrote… self fulfillment comes from being externally focused, by that I do not refer to my external self- but to my sexual partner. Being inside her both physically and mentally is where I find my “on” switch.

The musician reaches that other place when hy brings the instrument alive- together each is able to experience their potential- realize what they were made for. I was not made to have another take me in hand; I was made to be with someone who does not simply allow, but wants, needs to surrender. And in that surrender she allows me to be who I truly am.

While some will equate Stone to simply having personal limits, for me it is far more encompassing- Stone isn’t about sex with restrictions, it is about everything- it is how we perceive the world, but more importantly it is about how we relate, understand, communicate, and connect to another.

A Stone Butch is a Stone Butch- regardless if they are partnered- but without the one who “gets it”, they are not a musician, simply a person who knows how to play a musical instrument.

exactly... this feels just right... I must memorize this...I want some one is on with my surrender because that is what I want.