what NOT to do in a relationship....... - Page 18

dark_crystal · 08-03-2010, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amiyesiam

don't call me controlling when I won't do what you want me to do

and don't blame me when you want to do something I don't wan to do and you chose not to do it cause I won't do it.

don't hog the remote, the music, the phone or anything else that impacts me cause i am in the same space

don't expect me to entertain you all the time. I am never bored and there will never be enough hours in the day to learn, do, find out about, discover, read, craft, etc. everything I would want to.

don't tell me you are bored all the time
bored people are lazy or boring in and of them selves.

this reminds me of another one lol...if you want to do something and you ask me "do you want to go to/do X" and i say "no, but i will" either be happy that i am willing or go by yourself....don't start a campaign to convince me i should or do want to- i know what i want. I don't want to go- but i still will go b/c it will make you happy.

Kenna · 08-03-2010, 12:53 PM

Don't expect TOO much of me...then get upset that I couldn't read your mind or meet every expectation.

AtLast · 08-03-2010, 12:55 PM

Assume I mean a particular something. Please ask for clarification. Sometimes I know I may not be as clear as can be. LOL... especially upon waking!

bright_arrow · 08-03-2010, 03:21 PM

Don't change topics when we're having a particularly important one.
It really bothers me when gears are shifted as such.
If you don't want to talk about it, tell me.
I'll still be miffed, but I won't feel as dismissed.

Scorp · 08-03-2010, 09:00 PM

When having an argument, try not to laugh when she swears (especially when she hardly swears). It makes her think you're not taking the situation too seriously. Also be sure the tv isn't on in the background when having a deep convo. Either hit mute or shut it off altogether so she has your utmost attention. (Now where the hell did I put the remote?)

Oiler41 · 08-03-2010, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.

Or, a slight variation of this,,,if you (generic you) get confronted with doing whatever it is you shouldn't have been doing (lying, cheating, etc.) don't deny, deny, deny and accuse the person of making unfounded accusations and putting a guilt trip on them for suggesting such a thing, only for them to find out that said accusations were in fact not unfounded at all. But then again, if someone is already violating a relationship in such a fashion and they get caught, a few more lies on what is quite possibly already a big pile probably seems insignificant to them at that moment.

Glynn

dixie · 08-03-2010, 10:31 PM

If you have an issue or a problem, come to me directly. Instead of going behind my back and complaining about whatever it is to whoever you meet, just talk to me about it. I know sometimes this is hard, but it will be easier in the long run. The issue could be something easily fixable or sometimes even just a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication. And please, don't "hint" at it. I am capable of having "duh" moments just like we all sometimes do, so I'm not always quick to pick up the hint. Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on. I know this. I've been guilty of it myself, numerous times. I still have to stop sometimes and make myself have an open discussion because serious convo can be awkward, embarrassing, painful, etc. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be open with someone, but once you can it tends to make things a whole lot less complicated. It can be enlightening, informative and bring folks closer instead of farther.

dark_crystal · 08-04-2010, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on.

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

dixie · 08-04-2010, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

Oh I agree that talking to a trusted individual is a good idea, because it can help us gain some perspective. I was more referring to the way some folks just throw it out to anyone and everyone. And like I said, I've done it too, so I know firsthand that it can only complicate matters.

Duchess · 08-08-2010, 03:52 PM

Don't sit on your ass and think it's ok not to work because your partner makes good money. Of course it's a totally different matter if this is a planned arrangement.

Duchess

Duchess · 08-08-2010, 04:45 PM

Don't fly off the handle with jealous rants and accusations. This makes the Dear John/Jill letter much easier to write. Think before you speak!!!

SuperFemme · 08-08-2010, 05:21 PM

go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

sweetfemme247 · 08-08-2010, 05:50 PM

dont move into a relationship with someone and plan for them to move in with you after a month of dating and never even met in person. never rush a relationship and mix lust with love. and never trust someone you really dont know.

Julie · 08-08-2010, 06:28 PM

I generally do not piggy back on these type of posts... YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

Dated Southern Baptist Butch... Wants me to meet family (Me - Jewish, Atheist, Anti-War, Anti-American, Human Rights Activist) -- Feel the Moment!

"Jane Fonda was a Communist." "You will suffer in pergatory unless you accept the blood of Christ." and... WORSE - They held their bowls to their mouths as they shoveled the salad in (Sorry that put me over the edge).

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

Duchess · 08-09-2010, 09:31 AM

If you know you don't like kids, don't date anyone with kids. You will NEVER take their place!!

chefhmboyrd · 08-09-2010, 09:43 AM

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

dixie · 08-09-2010, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL

chefhmboyrd · 08-09-2010, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL

i am sure my mom appreciated me giving them a shout out and then tainting the lovely family moment with ....... well...... suggestive dialogue...........
lmao

dixie · 08-09-2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

i am sure my mom appreciated me giving them a shout out and then tainting the lovely family moment with ....... well...... suggestive dialogue...........
lmao

LOL... poor mom... now I'm really embarrassed...

Sachita · 08-10-2010, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

lmao the voice of experience!

08-08-2010, 03:52 PM	#350
Duchess Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Absolute Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Toe curling :-) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 2,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,792 Thanked 5,592 Times in 1,521 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	*Don't sit on your ass and think it's ok not to work because your partner makes good money. Of course it's a totally different matter if this is a planned arrangement.* *Duchess* __________________ *無料のライブ*

08-08-2010, 04:45 PM	#351
Duchess Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Absolute Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Toe curling :-) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 2,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,792 Thanked 5,592 Times in 1,521 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	*Don't fly off the handle with jealous rants and accusations. This makes the Dear John/Jill letter much easier to write. Think before you speak!!!* __________________ *無料のライブ*

08-08-2010, 05:50 PM	#353
sweetfemme247 Member How Do You Identify?: fem Preferred Pronoun?: femme, she, her, baby, sweetie Relationship Status: holding my heart close and putting back up a wall Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: california, palm springs Posts: 994 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 719 Times in 350 Posts Rep Power: 4115671	dont move into a relationship with someone and plan for them to move in with you after a month of dating and never even met in person. never rush a relationship and mix lust with love. and never trust someone you really dont know. __________________ Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present. Jim Rohn

08-09-2010, 09:31 AM	#355
Duchess Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Absolute Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Toe curling :-) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 2,382 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,792 Thanked 5,592 Times in 1,521 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	*If you know you don't like kids, don't date anyone with kids. You will NEVER take their place!!* __________________ *無料のライブ*

08-09-2010, 09:43 AM	#356
chefhmboyrd Senior Member How Do You Identify?: man Preferred Pronoun?: beef Relationship Status: Uncle Daddy Snap Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: nashvegas Posts: 1,607 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,411 Thanked 2,846 Times in 898 Posts Rep Power: 14271905	uh........ be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone....... you may or may not be on PM lol................ __________________ what's a cowboy got to do to get a drink around here?

08-03-2010, 12:53 PM	#342
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,194 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Don't expect TOO much of me...then get upset that I couldn't read your mind or meet every expectation.

08-03-2010, 12:55 PM	#343
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,828 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Assume I mean a particular something. Please ask for clarification. Sometimes I know I may not be as clear as can be. LOL... especially upon waking!

08-03-2010, 03:21 PM	#344
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't change topics when we're having a particularly important one. It really bothers me when gears are shifted as such. If you don't want to talk about it, tell me. I'll still be miffed, but I won't feel as dismissed.

08-03-2010, 09:00 PM	#345
Scorp Italian Stallion How Do You Identify?: DNA Usually... Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: In a van, down by the river.. Posts: 2,702 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,557 Thanked 4,714 Times in 1,263 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	When having an argument, try not to laugh when she swears (especially when she hardly swears). It makes her think you're not taking the situation too seriously. Also be sure the tv isn't on in the background when having a deep convo. Either hit mute or shut it off altogether so she has your utmost attention. (Now where the hell did I put the remote?)

08-03-2010, 10:31 PM	#347
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	If you have an issue or a problem, come to me directly. Instead of going behind my back and complaining about whatever it is to whoever you meet, just talk to me about it. I know sometimes this is hard, but it will be easier in the long run. The issue could be something easily fixable or sometimes even just a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication. And please, don't "hint" at it. I am capable of having "duh" moments just like we all sometimes do, so I'm not always quick to pick up the hint. Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on. I know this. I've been guilty of it myself, numerous times. I still have to stop sometimes and make myself have an open discussion because serious convo can be awkward, embarrassing, painful, etc. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be open with someone, but once you can it tends to make things a whole lot less complicated. It can be enlightening, informative and bring folks closer instead of farther.

08-08-2010, 05:21 PM	#352
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.