The Fat Positive Lounge

[princesskathie]

I loooove being a big girl coz my fabulousness just won't fit into a small body, lolol!

[princesskathie]

So what are your favorite places to shop online for big girl clothes??

[nycfem]

I wanted to bump this question, ruby woo, because it is such an important one!

Let's see. When I'm feeling not-so-positive, here's some of what I do that helps me:

-exercise (gets me in touch with my body feeling strong and capable and the adrenalin rush feels good too)

-talk to or hang out with someone body positive (or go on body positive web sites)

-a few weeks ago i cried and told my partner my feelings on a bad day, and hy listened and reassured me genuinely that i had not done anything that was so bad

-let myself feel bad and realize it'll pass...

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

I'm not sure if this belongs this in this thread, but I'm not sure where else to put it.

Do any of you have tips for when you're feeling not-so-positive?

This article pretty well sums up what it's like to be fat in a skinny, crunchy, yoga and snowboard loving town like Vancouver, and it gets really hard to remain positive at times. What do you do to be nice to yourself when you're feeling down?

[falloutmk]

As weird as it sounds I get made up pretty with makeup and get nude, I then look at myself and ask if I am really hideous on the outside... It's hard to say when you are wearing your favorite makeup combo for me at least no matter if I'm 180 pounds at that time in my life or 250lbs.

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

I'm not sure if this belongs this in this thread, but I'm not sure where else to put it.

Do any of you have tips for when you're feeling not-so-positive?

This article pretty well sums up what it's like to be fat in a skinny, crunchy, yoga and snowboard loving town like Vancouver, and it gets really hard to remain positive at times. What do you do to be nice to yourself when you're feeling down?

[Soft*Silver]

actually thats a really good question! When i am not feeling good about my body, I do a meditation, where I focus on my breathing and in my focused breathing, I slide my thoughts over every part of my body until I feel myself "attach". I know when I am not feeling good about myself, I am so far removed from my body that I forget how important it is to me. So in meditation, I recommit to it. Breath in positive, breath out negative...each and every segment of my whole.

I also like someone else's idea of movement. I dont care if I am walking the dog, riding a horse, gardening, exercise, etc...if I move, I feel ME. The real me that exists in my flesh and blood and not in anyone's judgement, including my own.

I also love to do for me, when I need tenderness. I will lotion myself with my special oils or spray on that perfume i reserve for special occasions.

I also love to read, so I will read an inspirational biography. Someone I can relate to and who has relevance to whatever is getting in my way spiritually.

Speaking of, when we feel bad about ourselves, we sometimes are paying heed to lack of care. And spiritually, you cant do that for extended periods of time without spiritual repercussions. If you are feeling bad, you might need to figure out what you arent tending to for yourself and fix that.

Rarely does spending money fix my feelings. So shopping doesnt do it for me. It use to, but I fixed that gaping hole a long time ago...

[Soft*Silver]

where do i shop? Why at my store! One of the best things about my shop is that I carry all the lines for plus sizes...from Lane Bryant to Torrid to Catherines to....name it...

I have discovered I am a mix between Talbots and cowboy wear. With a bit of Torrid mixed in...

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey, has anyone read this book?



[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Hot-Heavy-Fierce-Girls-Fashion/dp/1580054382"]Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion: Virgie Tovar: 9781580054386: Amazon.com: Books[/ame]

[Soft*Silver]

I love that book, LeftWriteFemme! I am going to order a copy!

I have been so busy at the store! Manic-y almost! I took some of my customers to 11 different consignment stores in my area for a shop hop. We loaded up two separate cars and drove from 10am to 8PM! I am still hurting 3 days later! But, it was so worth it! Some were clothing stores, some furniture stores and some were knick knack stores. They bought alot of Christmas presents. And all were amazed at how few clothing consignment stores had our sizes..one half of one long rack in their big stores...made my store full of plus sizes even more special!

I am tired already and December just started. But to see people come in and be overjoyed finding pretty outfits for the holidays is amazing to me! They have such joy in their eyes when the right outfit is found! I can last thru this busy season!

My customers have started calling themselves The Pretties! I LOVE IT! Its not just one or two of them either! Its most of them! They are so proud of themselves now, and are finding such support for their esteems within the range of the shop!

Sometimes I am so happy I feel like I could split apart.

[SaltyButch]

This is in response to Ruby woo's question.....what do you do when you're not feeling so positive.....a great question. On any given day I could choose not to feel so good about myself, and some days it is a struggle. I have struggled with my weight my whole life, I don't see that it is going to change anytime soon....the difference is that I don't really care what others think now. Those days that aren't so positive, I will actually put on something that I feel good in and go out.....I walk with my head held high and strut my stuff...at the end of the day my body may not have changed but my attitude has been adjusted and I focus on things that are far more important.

[SingularNYCFemme]

Originally Posted by SaltyButch

This is in response to Ruby woo's question.....what do you do when you're not feeling so positive.....a great question. On any given day I could choose not to feel so good about myself, and some days it is a struggle. I have struggled with my weight my whole life, I don't see that it is going to change anytime soon....the difference is that I don't really care what others think now. Those days that aren't so positive, I will actually put on something that I feel good in and go out.....I walk with my head held high and strut my stuff...at the end of the day my body may not have changed but my attitude has been adjusted and I focus on things that are far more important.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing that. You really have given my spirits a sorely needed boost.

[nycfem]

I've neglected this thread for the past few months, posting -that is, and have appreciated others posts very much! How are the holidays going for everyone?

I wanted to share about a day that stayed on my mind and had me thinking. Since Thanksgiving and up until almost Christmas I was sick with one of those bugs that just would not go away. I felt weak and down, especially during such a busy time of year.

On the last day before my winter break (I work at a school), a higher up motioned me over to her to look at photos on the computer from the staff holiday party. As we looked through the many photos, every time there was a photo of her she commented on how fat she was and deleted it. It was said in a multitude of ways over and over. And it was especially frustrating because she is not fat, and I am.

Then that evening I talked to my almost-98-year-old paternal grandmother on the phone, and she told me that I should try Nutrisystem. "Okay, thanks, and, so how have you been?" But, no, as usual she could not stop herself. She was in one of her sadistic moods where even if I respond nicely to everything she says, she can't stop talking about her perception that my purpose in life should be to lose weight. Angrily, she said, "You're not serious about it!" Having found in the past that fighting her on the issue was not effective, we had this circular conversation with me being nice and trying to talk about other things and her focusing exclusively on my weight, saying, "Remember when you used to be gorgeous? You had a perfect figure. It's so sad what's happened."

Later that night, the experience at work and the experience on the phone came crashing down on me. It seeped into my bones, and I felt horrible. I felt like there was something wrong with me, and I felt terrible about myself. I realized that it had not rolled off me like it sometimes does when I am feeling strong, and times are good, and I can just blow off the thoughtless comments of others. Sometimes I give people a piece of my mind kindly or more aggressively; sometimes I set a strong boundary; and sometimes I let it roll off me, but then there are days like that day when all the negativity about fat people and body negativity in general just knocks me down.

Now I'm feeling back in a place of strength but I wanted to talk about that day and share my feelings of how hard it was and how I hope we can all turn to each other for support in body acceptance as well as counter balance all the fat negativity and judgement of all bodies that there is out there with celebration of ourselves, whether we are thin or chubby or supersize. Lots of love to anyone who takes the time to read this thread and lend support.

Happy holidays to all the wonderful people on this thread! May your New Year be full of love and peace!

[Soft*Silver]

oh Jen, hugs to you for what happened to you that day! I know as secure as I am, if I am sick and/or in a pain cycle, I can also be brought down. I had a horrible cycle of pain recently that lasted almost 2 weeks. By the time it was done, I felt like I had lost all the footage I had gained over the past year. I believed I was always going to be vulnerable (and yes, thats a fact) and might as well not try. I was ready to give up the shop, give up planning a garden and sit and just give up...be a slug. If I didnt move, i wouldnt hurt.

well...truthfully, I would be in pain even if i didnt move. I just wouldnt have a life. I know that when my pain shows up, it can leave spiritual claw marks upon my flesh. Its up to me if I let it get away with that. And sometimes, like with this pain cycle, it takes so much out of me I almost dont get away from it, even after its gone.

Because I was down for almost two weeks and was on steroids to help with the pain, and because there was nothing else I could do, I ate. and I gained weight. This did not bother me, until last night, when I went over to my sister's for a belated holiday party. I am so proud of her for losing so much weight for her health. she had several health issues that demanded she had to lose weight. And she did. So this isnt about jealousy. But when they shot a picture of us and i saw how much she had lost and I had gained, i was really shook.

But I had already made the declaration I was going to start eating healthy again. I shook off the knee jerk reaction to my "fat" and returned to the attention to my health. I am not going to be sucked into the fat empire.

You never know when its going to return, or who/what is going to trigger it. We carry lifetimes of torment because of our weight, so the right trigger can drag that all up again.

But just because its triggered, doesnt mean its part of our Present. It just means it came to visit, to remind us where we were and where we dont want to be anymore.

[Kätzchen]

Lately, over the last half of last year, I haven't had a job where I am nearly as active as I was on my former job. I've noticed that some of my dresses have been fitting a little tighter than normal, lately. I find myself getting a little bit depressed about it, truthfully. It's been very cold here and as of late, very windy - which normally, we have rain; not the biting cold air and windy conditions. It's a struggle for me to motivate myself to go out in the cold - even for a walk - because, now that I'm older and not as resilient as I was when I was younger (say ten years ago), I have to be careful because exposure to cold elements of weather can affect me greatly.

I try every day to do my workout on my trampoline - after doing my job search homework, etc. But it's not the same and I feel discouraged that my dresses, even though they still fit, are becoming tighter.

I can hardly wait until it warms up a bit here.
Maybe then I'll be able to lose a little bit of weight
so I can feel like I am in better shape...

[LeftWriteFemme]

Research: A Little Extra Fat May Help You Live Longer


http://www.kuow.org/post/research-li...ou-live-longer

[nycfem]

I saw this too. And I've read it repeatedly elsewhere. It makes a lot of sense to me.

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Research: A Little Extra Fat May Help You Live Longer


http://www.kuow.org/post/research-li...ou-live-longer

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://www.nearsightedowl.com/2013/0...n-fantasy.html

[PearlsNLace]

Is there some reason that pantyhose makers all seem to think that 3x & 4x women must all be 5foot 4 or shorter, with long long waist lines?

I'm just fed up with crotchs that stop three inches past my knees yet the top of the things can almost touch my bra strap.

Oh.. and I also want funky colors like Kermit green and tangerine, lace hose and ones with the black line that do ...indeed.. go all the way up.

Why is this so difficult to find?

For the record I'm five nine, with most of my junk in the trunk and at my thighs. If I was skinny I'd probably have a flat chest and still have a booty to jiggle and then some.


Thank you. Rant over.

[Bad_boi]

Found this, Its a good read.

http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/02/15/...our-fat-lover/

[Licious]

Been sick, been gone, came through to catch up. Hope all are doing well. *waves*

[Angeltoes]

Although I've been socialized to have weird standards for myself, i'm totally attracted to sexy butches of all sizes.It does not factor in.... i have one gorgeous butch in mind and size is not an issue!