What influences the order of names in a couple?

[always2late]

Very interesting thread...and something I never really thought about until now. And, having given it some thought...I realized that the order of names is something of an anomaly in my family. I am of Italian heritage and, in my case, my upbringing was, I suppose, very "traditional" in regards to masculine and feminine roles. The males of my family were the undisputed "heads of the household", etc.. However, when we addressed my relatives, whether in written or verbal form, the female member of the couple was addressed first, for example, a Christmas card would be addressed to Aunt **** and Uncle ****. And now I am curious as to why this habit, for lack of a better word, came to be within my family. I'll have to ask some family members and see if they have an answer, or the curiosity will drive me out of my tree. LOL

[Julie]

GOD.. I don't know why, but a poster really got my girlie (at times submissive) panties in a bunch.
(serious)

It will always be Julie and Dreamer (just is).
Has nothing to do with dominance, submission --
I don't think this is the case at all.

Now I am annoyed and not really sure why - but it's almost obscene.
Who runs the fuck, is who's name takes headline?

[Julie]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Well I am a firm believer we are more of a Femme led community.

As for the outside world outside of here, I think we are and should be a matriarch run world.

That's just my wee opinion.

Of course we are more of a Femme led community. It is the backward mentality of the oppression driving forces of some of our misogynistic butch members - that believe otherwise.

Our history shows that Femme's have been the driving force in B/F relationships for years.

Spinning.

[The_Lady_Snow]

See your phone us sexist too!!!

Way to be an ally mother fucker!!!

Originally Posted by Daywalker

Sssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


Wait.


I don't have yer house number.


Is this a trick thread?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Julie

Of course we are more of a Femme led community. It is the backward mentality of the oppression driving forces of some of our misogynistic butch members - that believe otherwise.

Our history shows that Femme's have been the driving force in B/F relationships for years.

Spinning.

I don't give the hierarchy to "male" OR masculine in a heteronormative view of thinking. It's woman owned, femme owned, bossy girl, butch woman Top, Female led unless otherwise arranged be it by consent, abuse of power, sexism, machismo so on and so on

[Quintease]

I don't think I've ever put much thought into it, until now.

In my own experience it's either poetically more pleasing to put someone's name first, ie: Tom and Nicole is nicer than Nicole and Tom, to my mind at least.

Else you have some historical reason for the order, such as Tom was your friend first and Nicole was his bit of fluff. Now Nicole is your friend, but the only people who say 'Nicole and Tom' are on her side of the fence.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Why is it more poetic to place the guys name first?

[JustJo]

Echoing what many have said....I tend to put my friend or family member first...or the one I've known the longest.

...and, when I sign birthday greetings here I tend to say "Jo & Scoote", but when I talk to my friend Annie (of the Annie & Ron couple), I say "Scoote and I went to the beach"

[The_Lady_Snow]

Scoote and I is grammatically correct? Hence why I may say Grant and I or the boy and I other than that, I may use a Dominants name first in that surrounding (leather) cause Dominant then equates any gender so unless I have been given the green light I won't speak to said property until the ok is given.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Why is it more poetic to place the guys name first?

I didnt read the original post as saying it is more poetic to put the guys name first.

I read it as poetic, meaning something just "sounds" better than something else in certain situations with the given example just putting the guys name first. Okay that explanation even confused me.

Let me try again. Fred and Ethel just "sounds" better than Ethel and Fred to me. And Lucy and Ricky just "sounds" better than Ricky and Lucy for some reason. I just dont know what makes one "sound" better than the other.

To me, both Snow and Grant, and Grant and Snow "sound" poetic. I thought it might be because they are both one syllable but that doesnt seem to hold true in all cases. Smith and Jones sounds better to me than Jones and Smith...that might not be syllables as much as familiarity with a certain order.

Daywalker was right....it didnt start out as a trick thread but...........

[The_Lady_Snow]

Um I'm not trying to "trick" anyone nor do I personally view this as a tick em and trip em thread, I was really curious as to why Ms Quintease found it " poetically more pleasing".

Hence why I asked. I should of been more clear.

[princessbelle]

How about this one...

Mom and Dad.

Or do some say Dad and Mom?

Just sounds so much better the first way to *me*

Grandma and Grandpa vs. Grandpa and Grandma

Aunts and Uncles vs. Uncles and Aunts

it's so interesting...all of this.

I still think for *me* it is simply a matter of who i am closest to in the relationship...either family or friend.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Um I'm not trying to "trick" anyone nor do I personally view this as a tick em and trip em thread, I was really curious as to why Ms Quintease found it " poetically more pleasing".

Hence why I asked. I should of been more clear.

I didnt mean to insinuate you did. My apologies if it came off that way. I need to remember to stick in the and LOL's when appropriate.

It is fascinating to think about the things we do and why we do them. Sometimes we just get into a habit without really looking at what might be behind it, if anything. Or maybe we get in the habit because of other influences i.e. the isms, socialization, etc.

I do wonder why certain things just "sound" better than others. I'm thinking someone or some profession has had to have studied it at some point. Think its time for me to do some research.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Well your thread is and can be thought provoking especially for me cause Femme Led relationships in our community aren't prevalent and yet we (or maybe it's just me) recognize some Femme's first yet others not.

It's got my mind thinking A LOT!

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I didnt read the original post as saying it is more poetic to put the guys name first.

I read it as poetic, meaning something just "sounds" better than something else in certain situations with the given example just putting the guys name first. Okay that explanation even confused me.

Let me try again. Fred and Ethel just "sounds" better than Ethel and Fred to me. And Lucy and Ricky just "sounds" better than Ricky and Lucy for some reason. I just dont know what makes one "sound" better than the other.

To me, both Snow and Grant, and Grant and Snow "sound" poetic. I thought it might be because they are both one syllable but that doesnt seem to hold true in all cases. Smith and Jones sounds better to me than Jones and Smith...that might not be syllables as much as familiarity with a certain order.

Daywalker was right....it didnt start out as a trick thread but...........

All that. I used Tom and Nicole as an example. I could have easily have used Monica and Chandler.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

How about this one...

Mom and Dad.

Or do some say Dad and Mom?

Just sounds so much better the first way to *me*

Grandma and Grandpa vs. Grandpa and Grandma

Aunts and Uncles vs. Uncles and Aunts

it's so interesting...all of this.

I still think for *me* it is simply a matter of who i am closest to in the relationship...either family or friend.

Mom and Dad

Pop-Pop and Grammy

Aunts and Uncles interchangeable based on blood relative being first.

[Gemme]

We chose GemmEbon because Ebogemme sounded ridiculous (and like a weird toy).

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

How about this one...

Mom and Dad.

Or do some say Dad and Mom?

Just sounds so much better the first way to *me*

Grandma and Grandpa vs. Grandpa and Grandma

Aunts and Uncles vs. Uncles and Aunts

it's so interesting...all of this.

I still think for *me* it is simply a matter of who i am closest to in the relationship...either family or friend.

Don't really refer to my biological father as "dad" so it's just "mum" for me. I suppose I could go with mum and douchebag...

Other than that:

Never called my grandparents "grandma" and "grandpa" either. But it was always mémère (grandmother) et pépère (grandfather) but occasionally it was pépère et mémère. Either way I valued my maternal grandparents equally.

In German it's always oma/omi (grandmother) und opa/opi (grandfather) instead of opa/opi und oma/omi for whatever reason.

In Greek seems like yiayia (grandmother) always came before papou (grandfather).

It's weird with aunts/uncles. In English I say aunt and uncle.

But in French I always say mononc' (uncle) et matant' (aunt).

Same in German (Onkel X und Tante Y vs. Tante Y und Onkel X).

While in Greek I would always say thea (aunt) before theo (uncle).

Odd...

[jac]

I have thought about this very thing before but for me, as with others, it's sometimes just what has been said by other people or that it just flows smoothly. I also agree with the idea that when speaking of family or a familiar name, a lot of times it's because the familiar name gets precedence. For instance with my three children, in referring to their relationships whether son or daughter, their name is first over their partner.

Another thing is order of authority, so to speak. In martial arts, the higher rank is mentioned first, or at least where I trained it was. I was taught in English class back in school that there are certain orders of introduction and so perhaps I kind of follow suit with this idea as well.

On a more personal level and thinking back on different relationships with other women... I always placed the other person first. Again, maybe it's that English class lesson "You and I" kind of thing... *shrugs*

[LaneyDoll]

I was running through a list of names in my head as I was reading this thread.

Most of my friends are D/s and the dominant's name always popped up first for me-regardless of gender, who I had known longer, etc. My lesbian (general term) friends are D/s so they fell into that group.

But, for my non D/s friends, it was the woman's name. Most of them are people I've known for ages. Incidentally, they are hetero.

Family is hard. But it seems to be the blood relative who I listed first-despite who I like better For example, Judy & Bobby (aunt & uncle). Judy is blood but Bobby (RIP) was my all time fave.

However, for my grandparents, I tended to list my grandfather first-but they were called by different "names" whereas my grandmothers were each called "Granny."

Now, for Hollywood couples, I believe that we list them as we are told to. We refer to them as "Fred & Wilma" because that is how the show did. "Lucy & Ricky" because that is how the show did (and she was the star).

This thread is extremely interesting; thanks for posting it!