Stone--Personal Definitions

[MsDemeanor]

The problem with threads about stone is that we stones all pretty much more or less understand what we mean by "feminizing"; though the exact specifics can vary from person to person, there's a general nod of "yeah". Invariably, though, someone who is not stone will come in and make a stink or demand some textbook definition or say something derogatory, and then the whole discussion turns to shit.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

Just a little aside? I am not sure why you would post that. It is to me downright rude after others have come before you to share their personal feelings on what stone means.

how is that a little aside? oh. you're mocking my choice of words.

at any rate, i don't know how i could have been more personal in my explicit sharing of how i define stone.

sorry, i guess this is one of those instances where someone (me) isn't doing it right.*

*i've never, however, had anyone leap from my bed because they felt that i was feminizing them (read: not doing it right).

please carry on, i have no desire to turn this thread "to shit" by either defending my definition of stone or by the fact that i have zero desire to have *stone* be a part of my personal identity.

[Stoney]

Is there something Im missing here?

what is this post about?????


and.......hmmmmm....

what is it you are trying to convey pertaining to your " stone" sexuality


maybe Im just not grasping the gist of it.. IDK?

Originally Posted by apretty

i'm femme and i've been with a few butches with personal sexual-boundaries. i can't even remember if they called themselves 'stone'. but the self-identifying-'stone' butches i have been with all defined stone way differently: for some it was about breasts, others vagina, others about just respecting their body and following their lead as far as what was cool, what wasn't so cool--and what was 'no way' --usually the butt, a lot of people have some butt-boundaries (and i even think that this one butch had herpes and that was her way of navigating sex stuff.)


personally, i've only been *stone* when i'm just not that into who's fucking me; somehow that goes over better than 'could you come over and do me and then go home because i can barely stand you, but i'm single and you'll do.'



oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.

and ..... the above...in red ...pardon me but.... errr hmmmm WTF are you talking about?????

this about being "stone", not being stoned.


Have a nice day.....
Stoney

[Random]

Originally Posted by apretty

oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.

I have to disagree with you..

You can speak about how it works for you, maybe people you play with, but you don't get to set the rules on what makes someone feel uncomfortable with their sex play..

I have an ex, that it didn't matter how high he was.. how turned out he was.. if I worked him a certaint way, it shut him down sexually.. It made him feel like a woman and that didn't match what was going on in his head..

According to him.. one way felt like a clit, another way felt like a cock..

Who is anyone to say someone is delicate because of the way something physically feels?

[apretty]

Random: I don't feel as though I can respond because I'm not responding from a place of 'embracing my stone' identity. sorry, my words will have to stand on their own.

To all: I hoped to add to the variety of ways that we use 'stone'--I'm sorry that I lacked reverence for the stone identity.

[Random]

I think about stone quite often..

There are so many different ways.. so many different definitions...

For me.. for former partners..

I'm very flexable in my sexual desire.. For me it's all about the energy exchange.. That is what sparks the desire for what..

When I am dominant... I really don't want to be touched.. It doesn't feel good because I have been so out of my body focusing on my partner...
It's actually anoying because I have completly retreated into my mind and am concentrating on my partners body, her mind set... how can I take her higher, does she respond to this?...

For me.. it is a different kind of turn on.. It's completly mental and it's intoxicating... It's very rare for me to want to be sexualy touched when in this mind frame..

When I am submissive... I don't reach for breast or between legs... I touch the back, sides, chest, arms, legs, stomake, ass... I'm not avoiding anything.. It's just not what attracts my attention... It's not what feels natural to me...

When I am with a partner who is stone... well.. pretty much, I go where the energy manifests... I will leave it at that...

Human sexuality take on so many different forms... For me.. if it feels organic and natural... if it feels good.. then yea....

[Jack]

Originally Posted by apretty

oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.

I had two count to ten before I responded to this, It made me so Fucking mad.
How dare you make such a statement.

Let me tell you this, from the horses mouth shall I ?

I am Butch . I am Masculine. I am GenderQueer.

I am not Transitioning, as yet...but maybe one day might get to that place.

I only get off on your ' up and down motion'....

...circular , would not do it for me one bit.....in fact , it would kill it because ya know what ? It would make me feel feminized.

I'll tell you why shall I ? Because when you are rubbing my clit, actualy you are wanking my cock, get it ?

My lovers DO !!

This does not make me a 'delicate butch with regards to my masulinity.' It makes me ME !

Who the hell are you to put out there what does and doesnt feminize a masculine person ? and then mock them ?

Damn , you made me mad.

[Stoney]

Thank you so much for tour reply Blade, We have much in common.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Jack

I had two count to ten before I responded to this, It made me so Fucking mad.
How dare you make such a statement.

Let me tell you this, from the horses mouth shall I ?

I am Butch . I am Masculine. I am GenderQueer.

I am not Transitioning, as yet...but maybe one day might get to that place.

I only get off on your ' up and down motion'....

...circular , would not do it for me one bit.....in fact , it would kill it because ya know what ? It would make me feel feminized.

I'll tell you why shall I ? Because when you are rubbing my clit, actualy you are wanking my cock, get it ?

My lovers DO !!

This does not make me a 'delicate butch with regards to my masulinity.' It makes me ME !

Who the hell are you to put out there what does and doesnt feminize a masculine person ? and then mock them ?

Damn , you made me mad.

bravo.................

[Guy]

Originally Posted by Blade

It means that I have boundaries, places that a partner isn't allowed to touch me because it is feminizing to me. Those same places might not be feminizing to someone else or to their last partner, they are my places and they are no touch zones.

I think sometimes I might use it as a gender marker so to speak to let folks know that if they have any interest in me relationship wise, they need to know up front I am stone. It's only fair, to be honest about those thing to start with.

Great thread Ma'am

This definition pretty much sums it up for me also, Thank's Blade.

As a young kid I always worried about what girl is going to want to be with me, because I didn't have the right equipment.

[Blade]

Yeah ok back to OP.

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I am curious about those who ID as *Stone* and what that specific WORD means to them on a personal and relationship level.

Is it sexual boundaries or gender ID or a combination of the two or something one cannot explain that makes one ID as *Stone*?

It may be too personal to explain--perfectly understandable (of course!). I am just wondering how all those who ID as Stone (femmes and butches) came to that ID and what that ID means to them...if they want to share of course!

If there is another thread on personal definitions of *Stone*, someone tell me quickly!

--No judgement--I am honestly curious as to what *STONE* means for people on this site.

[Stoney]

Like Bulldog I am a stone butch lesbian womon.
After thinking a while on this I realized that there are many many reasons I guess people might think I have made this choice for myself ,
in fact not long ago I was talking to a good friend of mine and she seemed shocked when I told her I was "stone" ( this gal has known me for like 15 years..too)
shes like" OMG! YOU ARE KIDDING ME ! YOU are, YOU DONT?...!!! Whats wrong with you?"
Honestly I was shocked at how damn rude She was for one, but even more concerning was my close friend, a lesbian, will probably always think something is sexually wrong with me.
She was like " maybe you should talk to a counselor if you are "that weird" about people touching you.
what about your sexual pleasure,you dont let anyone down on you, or anything?? you need that, that cant be healthy for your mind or your body!"

( I know I know ... kinda makes ya wanna ...well, ya gotta know her .. she means well Im sure......lol)


WTF?... so heres what I told her.

Listen , I have super fantastic mind blowing orgasms.... PHYSICAL YES, IN MY genitals! sometimes even screaming, growling crying climb the walls and cause an earthquake kind!

Better than I ever could get with hand genital, or face, or whatever contact.

My breasts fed my babies , I never liked my breasts messed with, didnt turn me on, nothing, I usually always wear a sport bra or a shirt. I was heavy chested ( now Im just hangy chested ) so they kinda tangle up and get in my way.

I never wanted anyone down on me, cause I wanted to be the one doin that, it was a waste of time,time that I could be eatin' some pussy for one,gettin my turn on, making love to a womon.
IT doesn't do it for me, dont care for it, I simply dont like it.
It feels good to say it regardless of the other presumption of.... there must be a reason for that too.....
But
I think its like... some people like their feet rubbed, some dont, for some it tickles too much and some just dont want their feet touched... no specific reason.....Its kinda like that for me. I dont like my face touched either...all people are different. Because society says I am supposed to like that kind of touch doesnt going to mean I feel the need to spend years in therapy to figure out why Im not like everyone else, Im way past that , way past caring, cause I know Im not like everyone and I like it like that!

It isnt about feminizing for me either , I dont freak out if someone tries to touch I just , nicely remove their hand and go on about my biz. or simply stay dressed and explain that it is my Plan to make love" to her".

My greatest sexual pleasure is making my partner feel that she is the most desired beautiful, sexy womon in the world at that moment and the fact she is sharing her body with me , allowing me to make love to her is an appreciated honor.
That is where the spiritual comes in... I really really believe thatand feel that way!!

I respect the fact that all Womyn are Goddesses and I treat them as such.
I ask no one for anything sexually they woudnt want to do, and somethings I wouldnt do, even if I was asked, with that same respect. Womyn have been demoralized, stereotyped , made guilty, expected of, called bitches and whores, called frigid, ,, emotional, needy,and made to feel unattractive , unsexy, fat, for whatever reason different than a barbie doll for more than 5000 years by society and , well, lets face it... men ,
so I dont partake in sexual things Im afraid may hurt her in someway......Maybe Im a prude, maybe Im old, maybe Im boring, but.... thats me, old fashioned, old school or whatever.

for me Stone means:
I am a womon who gets my sexual pleasure and orgasm from the act of making love to a womon with out need of desire for genital stimulation by my partner.

Over the years the "stone " part gradually evolved during this journey to create myself.
( By the way I kinda feel thats what we all really do throughout this life here , find what resonates with us according to our experiences and our inner perspective and we begin to aspire to maintain that energy , and with it " create ourselves ".)

Stoney

cool thread BTW


( yeah... I got junk...just like any other womon...prolly wouldnt wanna see it anyways.... lol)

[Jet]

Interesting.

I've asked three stone femmes what is meant by stone and I got three different answers.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Jet

Interesting.

I've asked three stone femmes what is meant by stone and I got three different answers.

That will happen with individuals.

[Jett]

I'm not really up for throwing the details of my sex life out on the internet so I'm keeping it pretty general.

To me in my life stone has to do with personal sexual likes and desires. I've found this is the one thing in my experience, the sole commonality of "stone" (this outside of those who use it just as another way to say hard butch).

For myself, rather than being concerned about some "feminizing" touch or gender concerns (I'm still "she" and my "masculinity" can't be affected in the least by bedroom activities, no matter what I or someone does) but it's about certain set boundaries I have and prefer respected exactly as I would want to respect anothers.

I can't be "feminized" by touch, besides it's not something I'm thinking about in the hot and heavy and it's not upsetting in any way if a line is accidentally crossed... people just have to gently let each other know what's up at that point.

I sure as hell aren't going to get all upset over it, nor would I want someone all overly worried about it, I'm not breakable... lol.

[Oneida]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

I sure as hell aren't going to get all upset over it, nor would I want someone all overly worried about it, I'm not breakable... lol.

You are consistently one of my favorite posters (not posers) here. :-) Have a great weekend!

[Stoney]

Okay heres some questions I would like to throw out there and hear some feed back.

If a woman is in a relationship with a stone butch , is she now a stone femme?
Does that change an identity if the person you are with is stone? or would you simply identify as femme?
If you would be changing your style of sex out of respect for the person you were with or is it a lifestyle you would continue to pursue even in a different relationship? also would a woman who identifies as a stone femme whether in a relationship or not only look to date a stone butch?

I know for me, being Stone isnt an issue if it was a casual thing but what about a different senerio, you fall in love with a person who wasnt stone before, or maybe you fall in love with a stone butch and you arent....would you always feel like something was missing? Would you miss making love to a woman? I always wondered if my partner was feeling restricted from something she may desire to do with me or to me , just like I do her.

stone butches...
Has being stone been greeted with the wide eye " your Kiddings" like I described in a previous post in this thread?

Do you tell people you are stone, I mean in the general community, not Butch-femme? is it something personal you only share with your partner?...
Honestly I dont just put that out there. It isnt a common knowlege thing among my Friends, except here, online. I only cross that bridge if I come to it I guess.

I know in my group of lesbian / gay friends although there is the stereotypical look of butch-femme dynamics in a few of the couples I know , But none as "obviously Defined as my own. In fact many use the word "butch" almost negatively.

as in " see that girl over there, God she's so Butch..eewwww.".....yeah well, as in yuck.


But most of those girls, I am 15yrs their senior...... , I dont know. " they call me old school"........
Maybe .. Im just old ..lol

but anyways.. thats probably enough to get a convo going I hope. thanks all!

Much Peace, Stoney

[Blade]

I'm in Orange

Originally Posted by Stoney

stone butches...
Has being stone been greeted with the wide eye " your Kiddings" like I described in a previous post in this thread? No not at all, people I've talked to online and met in person are respectful of it if it is brought up in conversation. Sometimes people have questions about why or how or whatever.

Do you tell people you are stone, I mean in the general community, not Butch-femme? is it something personal you only share with your partner?...Well I think it is a personal topic, not something I'd just be telling someone out of the blue oh and by the way I'm stone. I think unless they were of our community they'd look at me like I had 3 heads, wondering wtf is stone.
Honestly I dont just put that out there. It isnt a common knowlege thing among my Friends, except here, online. I only cross that bridge if I come to it I guess.

I know in my group of lesbian / gay friends although there is the stereotypical look of butch-femme dynamics in a few of the couples I know , But none as "obviously Defined as my own. In fact many use the word "butch" almost negatively.
Until I came online I never liked or used the word butch. Actually the first time I heard the word, I was wearing a uniform at work and my boss said that color on you makes you look to butch. To which I replied who the hell is Butch, Butch who. LOL

as in " see that girl over there, God she's so Butch..eewwww.".....yeah well, as in yuck.


But most of those girls, I am 15yrs their senior...... , I dont know. " they call me old school"........
Maybe .. Im just old ..lol

but anyways.. thats probably enough to get a convo going I hope. thanks all!

Much Peace, Stoney

[Canela]

Very interesting thread...enjoying it very much...

[Gemme]

If a woman is in a relationship with a stone butch , is she now a stone femme?

Does that change an identity if the person you are with is stone? or would you simply identify as femme?


A situation doesn't change one's identity. Neither does one's partner. That person does. Or doesn't.

If you date someone of another religion, does that make you an automatic convert?

True story: I met and fell in like with a lovely Transguy. We got along rather well until it was made quite clear to me that, in order to be with him, I would have to be straight.

Um, no.

So, many discussions, fights, and tears later I left the relationship. Both of us were disappointed in the other and that's a sad state to be in simply because he needed a straight girl and I needed a queer guy. Two dissimilar objects trying to fit into the same square. A square that neither of us fit.

My identity is hard won. I have fought everyone...lovers, ex husbands, strangers and myself...for this identity. If anyone wants it, they are going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.