Corny jokes - Page 37

ksrainbow · 02-03-2018, 06:01 PM

A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal.

The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal.

Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window.

Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas.”

ksrainbow · 02-09-2018, 06:20 PM

What do you call a grizzly with no shoes? Bear foot.

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A school teacher says, “spit your gum out” while a train says, “chew, chew, chew.”

How does a computer catch fish? With its internet.

Why did the fish have a bad report card? Because all of his grades were under sea.

Ks-

Kätzchen · 02-18-2018, 11:06 AM

Orema · 04-01-2018, 07:10 AM

What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite kind of music?

Hip hop.

homoe · 04-01-2018, 07:45 AM

Gemme · 04-01-2018, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

You know, you're supposed to give the punch line, goofball.

Maybe, "Doggone!"?

Gemme · 04-01-2018, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

You know, you're supposed to give the punch line, goofball.

Maybe, "Doggone!"?

Maybe y'all could donate to the 'buy Gemme new glasses' fund?

Oh, geez.

homoe · 04-01-2018, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Maybe y'all could donate to the 'buy Gemme new glasses' fund?

Oh, geez.

No worries, the print IS small.................

Mopsie · 04-02-2018, 03:48 AM

Okay the client that inspired this thread shared this one with me at med time Saturday morning...

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course because the Empire State Building can't jump!

girl_dee · 04-02-2018, 06:44 PM

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Put a lil boogie in it

Mopsie · 04-05-2018, 02:43 PM

Esme nha Maire · 04-05-2018, 04:09 PM

Anarchist dyslexics untie!

Walking into the hall of a rich friend's house, I noticed they had the heads of various animals mounted on the wall - and the rear end of a tiger. So I asked him why it wasn't the head of the tiger up there. "Incompetent taxidermist" I was told, "bit of a cat arse trophy, that one"...

We went for a drive to a local flea market later. On the way, I noticed a strange road sign - it said "Road works ahead" when it was clearly being repaired. We'd been at the market for a while when I had to make a call of nature and found another incorrect sign - the disabled toilet was working perfectly. At the end of the day, my friend asked me what I'd thought of the market. I told him I thought it was fun, but I was a little puzzled and disappointed, and kept getting funny looks from the traders. "Why's that?" he asked. "Nobody'd sell me any fleas!" I replied.

Orema · 05-08-2018, 11:14 AM

Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

Kätzchen · 05-09-2018, 08:10 AM

Wrang1er · 05-20-2018, 08:13 AM

Q: What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

A: SUPPLIES!

homoe · 05-20-2018, 10:18 AM

Kätzchen · 05-20-2018, 02:48 PM

A lizard walks into an bar pushing a baby in a stroller.

"What's your kid's name?", asked the bartender.

"Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt."

https://www.rd.com/joke/a-lizard-walks-into/

homoe · 05-20-2018, 06:12 PM

homoe · 05-23-2018, 05:23 PM

homoe · 05-23-2018, 05:36 PM

02-03-2018, 06:01 PM	#721
ksrainbow Member How Do You Identify?: Valued Relationship Status: UNO Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 773 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,759 Thanked 2,197 Times in 573 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Weather A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas.”

02-09-2018, 06:20 PM	#722
ksrainbow Member How Do You Identify?: Valued Relationship Status: UNO Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 773 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,759 Thanked 2,197 Times in 573 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	4 Friday Funnies .... What do you call a grizzly with no shoes? Bear foot. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A school teacher says, “spit your gum out” while a train says, “chew, chew, chew.” How does a computer catch fish? With its internet. Why did the fish have a bad report card? Because all of his grades were under sea. Ks-

02-18-2018, 11:06 AM	#723
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow ツ Posts: 16,060 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,111 Thanked 33,516 Times in 10,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	__________________ “If you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you,” — Ethan Hawke.

05-09-2018, 08:10 AM	#734
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow ツ Posts: 16,060 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,111 Thanked 33,516 Times in 10,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	😊

05-20-2018, 02:48 PM	#737
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow ツ Posts: 16,060 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,111 Thanked 33,516 Times in 10,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	From..... Reader's Digest A lizard walks into an bar pushing a baby in a stroller. "What's your kid's name?", asked the bartender. "Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt." https://www.rd.com/joke/a-lizard-walks-into/

04-01-2018, 07:10 AM	#724
Orema Superlative Soul Sister How Do You Identify?: Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Moving in a single file Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Cottage of Content Posts: 13,575 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 41,435 Thanked 34,702 Times in 8,931 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite kind of music? Hip hop.

04-01-2018, 07:45 AM	#725
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890

04-02-2018, 03:48 AM	#729
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,552 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Okay the client that inspired this thread shared this one with me at med time Saturday morning... Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course because the Empire State Building can't jump!

04-02-2018, 06:44 PM	#730
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	How do you make a handkerchief dance? Put a lil boogie in it

04-05-2018, 02:43 PM	#731
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,552 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853

04-05-2018, 04:09 PM	#732
Esme nha Maire Member How Do You Identify?: Tomboyish eccentric antique femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,196 Thanked 2,078 Times in 541 Posts Rep Power: 19310770	Anarchist dyslexics untie! Walking into the hall of a rich friend's house, I noticed they had the heads of various animals mounted on the wall - and the rear end of a tiger. So I asked him why it wasn't the head of the tiger up there. "Incompetent taxidermist" I was told, "bit of a cat arse trophy, that one"... We went for a drive to a local flea market later. On the way, I noticed a strange road sign - it said "Road works ahead" when it was clearly being repaired. We'd been at the market for a while when I had to make a call of nature and found another incorrect sign - the disabled toilet was working perfectly. At the end of the day, my friend asked me what I'd thought of the market. I told him I thought it was fun, but I was a little puzzled and disappointed, and kept getting funny looks from the traders. "Why's that?" he asked. "Nobody'd sell me any fleas!" I replied.

05-08-2018, 11:14 AM	#733
Orema Superlative Soul Sister How Do You Identify?: Lesbian stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Moving in a single file Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Cottage of Content Posts: 13,575 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 41,435 Thanked 34,702 Times in 8,931 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

05-20-2018, 08:13 AM	#735
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Q: What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? A: SUPPLIES!

05-20-2018, 10:18 AM	#736
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890

05-20-2018, 06:12 PM	#738
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890

05-23-2018, 05:23 PM	#739
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890

05-23-2018, 05:36 PM	#740
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,558 Times in 14,919 Posts Rep Power: 21474890