Is Marriage for you? - Page 5

wetfromashower · 03-30-2012, 05:23 PM

I would love to marry... But when and if I do... I'm only doing it once... I'm a forever kind of person... I want that kind of love... It's why I've been single for so long... I'm looking for Ms. Right not for Ms Right now...

StrongButch · 09-30-2012, 06:19 AM

I would only marry after several years of dating. I would marry traditionally the way my ancestors have married for hundreds of years. I am native and believe our ways need to be kept alive and passed on from generation to generation.

*Anya* · 09-30-2012, 06:54 AM

Yes I would marry and yes I want to marry again (once to a bio man long, long ago).

Underneath it all, I am an old-fashioned traditionalist.

I still believe in what marriage stands for.

To me, it is a real commitment, with all the legal benefits and protections, a confirmation of our love, sticking around through thick and thin, good times and bad and working through the hard times. Not quite as easy to just walk away.

This is how I feel.

Other posts reflect different perspectives.

G Snap! · 09-30-2012, 08:17 AM

I was married in '92 to a bio-male. We dated for over 6 years before we got married, but the one thing he refused to do was live together.
Big mistake. He was a momma's boy and after doing ALL the housework for two years I had enough. There is more I was unhappy about, I will not list them.

I swore for years I would never get married. I was so eager to get out of the marriage I forgot to request I could resume using my maiden name. Filing the legal request, and all of the time and expense of changing my name back - on everything, driver's license, ss card, etc. - was a pain in the arse.

I swore left right up and down I would never do it again. Besides, I think a relationship takes more commitment when you are not legally obligated.

But here I am now, two + years later and I am considering it, heck I even asked him to marry me. I LOVE living with chefhmboyrd. I am in no rush, and we can't be legally married in TN anyways. TN would be last on that policy, for sure, since legal marriage (according to the state) is a union between a male and a female in front of a priest. I have already been married once before god, and it failed. So I won't do that again.

We have a domestic partnership, notarized per his employer's policies, so I am on his health insurance and such. I would like to file for marriage in Massachusetts, but we haven't found the time or resources for that yet. We were both born there, so it seems fitting, and I feel if same-sex marriage is ever recognized federally, our MA union would hold.

My divorce left me with the opinion that marriage is a legal union between two people, sort of like a corporation, a contract binding the two. I do believe in commitment /marriage ceremonies and what they stand for, look up "marry" in the dictionary. However, I feel if two people take legal steps to form a union, they should be recognized by the law and not be invalidated because the union was between two parties of the same gender.

I step down from the soapbox. Carry on, my fellow love bunnies.

Okiebug61 · 09-30-2012, 10:08 AM

Red and I will celebrate 9yrs in December. We fall into the 24/7 box however. Here is a typical day.

5:45 -I get up and turn on the coffee maker, let 2 of the 5 dogs out. I then sit at the computer and have my cup of coffee reading the news.

6:15-I take a shower and get ready for work.

6:45-Red gets up which is usually a major chore she is not a morning person. I make her a cup of coffee and sit it on her makeup desk. I spend the next 20mins trying to get the 3 amigos to get out of bed and go outside.

7:15-Red is heading out for work. She is a school teacher and works 8:00-5:30. Her commute is 45mins. Two nights a week she does after school daycare which means she gets home around 7-7:30. Then there are those days where there are unscheduled parent teacher meetings and various other last minute things that commonly happen in a school enviroment.

8:00-I work on commission only so I do not have a set time table. If I have a lead I schedule the time myself. My days vary so much that I can not even think of what a real schedule looks like.

6:00-7:00 pm Red usually wonders in around this time. I am here sometimes and sometimes I am on a sales lead. We aren't very good about planning dinner so we usually just figure something out when we both get home.

10:00pm-It's pretty much bed time for the both of us. So during the last 3 hours we haven't really done much but cook dinner, sit down for a few minutes and work on what's happening the next day.

So If we sleep 8 hours and we work 12 hour days that leaves 4 hours a day that we may have time to do something together during the week. Weekends are usually filled with getting ready for the next week.

Red travels alot during the summer and I usually have 2-3 weeks alone time. I have things I do that she doesn't partake in so we feel we have the me time.

To sum it up 24/7 works for us, if we were apart anymore we'd not know much about each other.

Tony · 09-30-2012, 12:11 PM

Marriage is very definatly for me. Hell, I've done it twice. Lol
I believe in the sanctity of marriage & feel it's the ultimate commitment. Will I marry again? Absolutely. My first marriage was convenient; she was pregnant, needed a father for the baby & I wanted to be a dad. The second, years later, was unadulterated pure love. I learned a lot from my second wife & marriage & continue to grow & evolve. Hopefully 3 will be the charm.
Just my experience & .02.

Two-spirit · 09-30-2012, 12:42 PM

Hello,

Im all in favor for anyone to get married..They should get everything hetersexuals gets..plainand simple..

I never saw myself getting married, even thou I have been asked a few times.I would feel trapped,but I do like living with someone and going that route..

yes for equal marriage !!

Leigh · 09-30-2012, 01:19 PM

I want very much to get married someday

Hominid · 09-30-2012, 10:00 PM

I can't believe I'm saying this after being financially and emotionally devastated by a divorce 3 years ago, but I loved being married. And dammit, I'd do it again. Always tilting at a windmill ...

SleepyButch · 09-30-2012, 10:29 PM

I would get married if I found the right person.

girl_dee · 09-30-2012, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Okiebug61

Red and I will celebrate 9yrs in December. We fall into the 24/7 box however. Here is a typical day.

5:45 -I get up and turn on the coffee maker, let 2 of the 5 dogs out. I then sit at the computer and have my cup of coffee reading the news.

6:15-I take a shower and get ready for work.

6:45-Red gets up which is usually a major chore she is not a morning person. I make her a cup of coffee and sit it on her makeup desk. I spend the next 20mins trying to get the 3 amigos to get out of bed and go outside.

7:15-Red is heading out for work. She is a school teacher and works 8:00-5:30. Her commute is 45mins. Two nights a week she does after school daycare which means she gets home around 7-7:30. Then there are those days where there are unscheduled parent teacher meetings and various other last minute things that commonly happen in a school enviroment.

8:00-I work on commission only so I do not have a set time table. If I have a lead I schedule the time myself. My days vary so much that I can not even think of what a real schedule looks like.

6:00-7:00 pm Red usually wonders in around this time. I am here sometimes and sometimes I am on a sales lead. We aren't very good about planning dinner so we usually just figure something out when we both get home.

10:00pm-It's pretty much bed time for the both of us. So during the last 3 hours we haven't really done much but cook dinner, sit down for a few minutes and work on what's happening the next day.

So If we sleep 8 hours and we work 12 hour days that leaves 4 hours a day that we may have time to do something together during the week. Weekends are usually filled with getting ready for the next week.

Red travels alot during the summer and I usually have 2-3 weeks alone time. I have things I do that she doesn't partake in so we feel we have the me time.

To sum it up 24/7 works for us, if we were apart anymore we'd not know much about each other.

You two are so awesome! Loved meeting you !

Mtn · 09-30-2012, 11:31 PM

We are engaged! First time ever for me, and I am very excited about it. We will marry "legally" in Canada, so she can take my name, then we will have another celebration of our commitment here. When we can legally marry in Oregon, we will do that too. I'm a fan. WE are blessed in so many ways. I look forward to the rest of my life with my BEAUTIFUL wife-to-be.

MsTinkerbelly · 10-01-2012, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mtn

We are engaged! First time ever for me, and I am very excited about it. We will marry "legally" in Canada, so she can take my name, then we will have another celebration of our commitment here. When we can legally marry in Oregon, we will do that too. I'm a fan. WE are blessed in so many ways. I look forward to the rest of my life with my BEAUTIFUL wife-to-be.

Fantastic news!

I wish the very best in life for the both of you.

Prudence · 10-01-2012, 11:04 AM

Nope. . . .

twinkletoes · 10-01-2012, 11:21 AM

I personally don't believe in marriage as an institution - I don't feel a piece of paper and a legal recognition of a partnership has anything to do with nor should have anything to do with the love two people share in whatever way or for as long as they choose. However, I do agree with what other people on this thread have said, I feel blessed that should my opinions change at some point in the future I will be able to enjoy the same right as hetereosexual couples have in marrying the woman I love.

Bard · 10-01-2012, 11:29 AM

I always said I would never ever BUT I met the lovely lady I call my wife and we dated for 3 years before we wed. I can't even think of being with out her we match each other so very well. I wanted to give her everything and the thing that most precious to me ... my last name living in NY we were able to legally marry she was on my benefits even before we got hitched to sum it up I married my best friend and it was the happiest day of my life

imperfect_cupcake · 10-01-2012, 12:15 PM

Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married)

I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt.

I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

MsTinkerbelly · 10-01-2012, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married)

I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt.

I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

Marriage for me changes everything, it changes the level of commitment I bring to the relationship. For me, living together, dating, long distance...none of those things made me want to get up day after day and tell myself I choose to be here; good, bad, ugly, wonderful...and do the work needed to make that forever a reality.

Something changes in me when I stand before family, friends, my God...I am human and I have human failings, but at the end of the day I would never do anything to harm my marriage or my wife.

Kent · 10-01-2012, 02:16 PM

Absolutely!

Fatale · 10-01-2012, 02:25 PM

I recently received an invitation to a lesbian wedding in the mail and found myself hosting dichotomous emotions. On the one hand, of course I was happy for my friends. They've found someone with whom they want to share their lives, come what may. On the other, I myself thinking, "Ugh, really? Do we have to be so fucking assimilationistic? (I doubt that's an actual word, but it works for me contextually) Of course I'm all for everyone having equal rights, blah, blah, but do we always have to resort to heteronormative paradigms? I think that's my biggest issue with the whole marriage "thing". I want the benefits, should I choose to embrace them, but I so strongly wish it didn't mirror nonqueer society in order to grant me said rights. Is that just having cake and wanting to eat it, too?

View Poll Results: What is your ststus?
I am unmarried in my State or Country	103	58.52%
I am married in my State or Country	27	15.34%
I have had an alternate joining which is not legally marriage	18	10.23%
I wouldn't get married if they paid me!	28	15.91%
Voters: 176. You may not vote on this poll

03-30-2012, 05:23 PM	#81
wetfromashower Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: East Coast... Posts: 100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 509 Thanked 346 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 6475841	It's been a dream of mine to marry but... I would love to marry... But when and if I do... I'm only doing it once... I'm a forever kind of person... I want that kind of love... It's why I've been single for so long... I'm looking for Ms. Right not for Ms Right now...

09-30-2012, 06:19 AM	#82
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Marriage I would only marry after several years of dating. I would marry traditionally the way my ancestors have married for hundreds of years. I am native and believe our ways need to be kept alive and passed on from generation to generation.

09-30-2012, 06:54 AM	#83
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Yes I would marry and yes I want to marry again (once to a bio man long, long ago). Underneath it all, I am an old-fashioned traditionalist. I still believe in what marriage stands for. To me, it is a real commitment, with all the legal benefits and protections, a confirmation of our love, sticking around through thick and thin, good times and bad and working through the hard times. Not quite as easy to just walk away. This is how I feel. Other posts reflect different perspectives. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

09-30-2012, 10:08 AM	#85
Okiebug61 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Light Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Hitched to Red Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 1,528 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,261 Thanked 5,378 Times in 1,245 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Red and I will celebrate 9yrs in December. We fall into the 24/7 box however. Here is a typical day. 5:45 -I get up and turn on the coffee maker, let 2 of the 5 dogs out. I then sit at the computer and have my cup of coffee reading the news. 6:15-I take a shower and get ready for work. 6:45-Red gets up which is usually a major chore she is not a morning person. I make her a cup of coffee and sit it on her makeup desk. I spend the next 20mins trying to get the 3 amigos to get out of bed and go outside. 7:15-Red is heading out for work. She is a school teacher and works 8:00-5:30. Her commute is 45mins. Two nights a week she does after school daycare which means she gets home around 7-7:30. Then there are those days where there are unscheduled parent teacher meetings and various other last minute things that commonly happen in a school enviroment. 8:00-I work on commission only so I do not have a set time table. If I have a lead I schedule the time myself. My days vary so much that I can not even think of what a real schedule looks like. 6:00-7:00 pm Red usually wonders in around this time. I am here sometimes and sometimes I am on a sales lead. We aren't very good about planning dinner so we usually just figure something out when we both get home. 10:00pm-It's pretty much bed time for the both of us. So during the last 3 hours we haven't really done much but cook dinner, sit down for a few minutes and work on what's happening the next day. So If we sleep 8 hours and we work 12 hour days that leaves 4 hours a day that we may have time to do something together during the week. Weekends are usually filled with getting ready for the next week. Red travels alot during the summer and I usually have 2-3 weeks alone time. I have things I do that she doesn't partake in so we feel we have the me time. To sum it up 24/7 works for us, if we were apart anymore we'd not know much about each other. __________________ "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawake." ~ Anatole France

09-30-2012, 08:17 AM	#84
G Snap! Member How Do You Identify?: gay. I'm very happy, thank you! Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Chefhmboyrd's seeing eye blonde Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Nashvegas Posts: 253 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 412 Thanked 1,109 Times in 229 Posts Rep Power: 6596929	I was married in '92 to a bio-male. We dated for over 6 years before we got married, but the one thing he refused to do was live together. Big mistake. He was a momma's boy and after doing ALL the housework for two years I had enough. There is more I was unhappy about, I will not list them. I swore for years I would never get married. I was so eager to get out of the marriage I forgot to request I could resume using my maiden name. Filing the legal request, and all of the time and expense of changing my name back - on everything, driver's license, ss card, etc. - was a pain in the arse. I swore left right up and down I would never do it again. Besides, I think a relationship takes more commitment when you are not legally obligated. But here I am now, two + years later and I am considering it, heck I even asked him to marry me. I LOVE living with chefhmboyrd. I am in no rush, and we can't be legally married in TN anyways. TN would be last on that policy, for sure, since legal marriage (according to the state) is a union between a male and a female in front of a priest. I have already been married once before god, and it failed. So I won't do that again. We have a domestic partnership, notarized per his employer's policies, so I am on his health insurance and such. I would like to file for marriage in Massachusetts, but we haven't found the time or resources for that yet. We were both born there, so it seems fitting, and I feel if same-sex marriage is ever recognized federally, our MA union would hold. My divorce left me with the opinion that marriage is a legal union between two people, sort of like a corporation, a contract binding the two. I do believe in commitment /marriage ceremonies and what they stand for, look up "marry" in the dictionary. However, I feel if two people take legal steps to form a union, they should be recognized by the law and not be invalidated because the union was between two parties of the same gender. I step down from the soapbox. Carry on, my fellow love bunnies.

09-30-2012, 12:11 PM	#86
Tony Member How Do You Identify?: All Man (FTM if I must have a label) Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: She's my Southern Comfort Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Midwest Posts: 412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 569 Thanked 1,241 Times in 326 Posts Rep Power: 18460391	Marriage is very definatly for me. Hell, I've done it twice. Lol I believe in the sanctity of marriage & feel it's the ultimate commitment. Will I marry again? Absolutely. My first marriage was convenient; she was pregnant, needed a father for the baby & I wanted to be a dad. The second, years later, was unadulterated pure love. I learned a lot from my second wife & marriage & continue to grow & evolve. Hopefully 3 will be the charm. Just my experience & .02. __________________ Words are what we hear; they allow the heart to believe what it wants to believe. But actions, actions show us the real truth of what we need to believe.

09-30-2012, 12:42 PM	#87
Two-spirit Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Native American Preferred Pronoun?: soft butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 76 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 257 Thanked 238 Times in 69 Posts Rep Power: 1745520	Hello, Im all in favor for anyone to get married..They should get everything hetersexuals gets..plainand simple.. I never saw myself getting married, even thou I have been asked a few times.I would feel trapped,but I do like living with someone and going that route.. yes for equal marriage !!

09-30-2012, 01:19 PM	#88
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I want very much to get married someday __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

09-30-2012, 10:00 PM	#89
Hominid Member How Do You Identify?: Male with interesting historical perspective Relationship Status: Taking Applications Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: In perpetual Wonder. And Western Mass. Posts: 254 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 417 Thanked 753 Times in 187 Posts Rep Power: 11507408	I can't believe I'm saying this after being financially and emotionally devastated by a divorce 3 years ago, but I loved being married. And dammit, I'd do it again. Always tilting at a windmill ...

09-30-2012, 10:29 PM	#90
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,248 Times in 2,754 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I would get married if I found the right person. __________________ . You cannot embrace those things that will not embrace you back.

09-30-2012, 11:31 PM	#92
Mtn Member How Do You Identify?: Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status: sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 691 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,005 Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	We are engaged! First time ever for me, and I am very excited about it. We will marry "legally" in Canada, so she can take my name, then we will have another celebration of our commitment here. When we can legally marry in Oregon, we will do that too. I'm a fan. WE are blessed in so many ways. I look forward to the rest of my life with my BEAUTIFUL wife-to-be. __________________ If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...

10-01-2012, 11:04 AM	#94
Prudence Member How Do You Identify?: "congratulations, it's a girl" Preferred Pronoun?: Woman Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Second star to the right, and straight on till morning. Posts: 509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,333 Thanked 1,177 Times in 363 Posts Rep Power: 9187054	Nope. . . .

10-01-2012, 11:21 AM	#95
twinkletoes Junior Member How Do You Identify?: 64 million dollar question Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Waiting for little miss right Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: London, UK Posts: 11 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 48 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 214762	I personally don't believe in marriage as an institution - I don't feel a piece of paper and a legal recognition of a partnership has anything to do with nor should have anything to do with the love two people share in whatever way or for as long as they choose. However, I do agree with what other people on this thread have said, I feel blessed that should my opinions change at some point in the future I will be able to enjoy the same right as hetereosexual couples have in marrying the woman I love.

10-01-2012, 11:29 AM	#96
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I always said I would never ever BUT I met the lovely lady I call my wife and we dated for 3 years before we wed. I can't even think of being with out her we match each other so very well. I wanted to give her everything and the thing that most precious to me ... my last name living in NY we were able to legally marry she was on my benefits even before we got hitched to sum it up I married my best friend and it was the happiest day of my life __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

10-01-2012, 12:15 PM	#97
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married) I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt. I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

10-01-2012, 02:16 PM	#99
Kent Member How Do You Identify?: Male Relationship Status: Single Tournaments Won: 2 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: TX Posts: 1,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,564 Thanked 2,058 Times in 720 Posts Rep Power: 19241326	Is Marriage For You? Absolutely! __________________ Kent

10-01-2012, 02:25 PM	#100
Fatale Member How Do You Identify?: Not your average babe in the woods. Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: The edge Posts: 210 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 896 Times in 166 Posts Rep Power: 12150548	I recently received an invitation to a lesbian wedding in the mail and found myself hosting dichotomous emotions. On the one hand, of course I was happy for my friends. They've found someone with whom they want to share their lives, come what may. On the other, I myself thinking, "Ugh, really? Do we have to be so fucking assimilationistic? (I doubt that's an actual word, but it works for me contextually) Of course I'm all for everyone having equal rights, blah, blah, but do we always have to resort to heteronormative paradigms? I think that's my biggest issue with the whole marriage "thing". I want the benefits, should I choose to embrace them, but I so strongly wish it didn't mirror nonqueer society in order to grant me said rights. Is that just having cake and wanting to eat it, too?