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D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

Well, since you're eating crackers made of poor little goldfish then you're obviously not a vegetarian, which rules out the possibility of your being a lesbian, (because everyone knows that lesbians only eat hummus and tabouleh), so...I have to wonder....

Do you only eat goldfish crackers or do you sometimes eat other types of crackers as well (in which case, you must be bi-sexual because everyone knows that bisexuals are indecisive and lack the ability to choose one type of cracker and stick with it)?

Well?

Words

i'll eat them all *weg* ...

not because i'm indecisive ... but because i love them all!!

(you're use of stereotypes is cracking me up!)

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

i'll eat them all *weg* ...

not because i'm indecisive ... but because i love them all!!

(you're use of stereotypes is cracking me up!)

so, you're saying you're an omnivore?

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

so, you're saying you're an omnivore?

and then some, Mister!

although i do have my faves ...

back to serious again ... i have lately had a lot of folk attempt to slap the "bi-sexual" label on me ... i will fight that tooth and nail!

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

as we know, this is crap.

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

damn...i'm nothing? does that mean i have special invisibility powers?

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

damn...i'm nothing? does that mean i have special invisibility powers?

oh no, my friend ... you are amazing!

as i said, we all know this is crap!

maybe i should have said "for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you want to fuck.

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

oh no, my friend ... you are amazing!

as i said, we all know this is crap!

whew! i am kinda bummed about no special powers, though.

Words · 11-09-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

and then some, Mister!

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

as we know, this is crap.

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

bonne-maman · 11-09-2009, 06:14 PM

I love gender threads.....

it seems one thing that might be tweaked out here...is the similarity between defining oneself and not defining oneself...

I have known butches who feel the word "butch" very much captures their gender, because their definition of "butch" is either:
1) a person who is both male and female,
OR
2) a person who is neither male or female; but a third gender, that combines elements of both male and female

I also have friends who use the word "genderqueer" and to them it means either #1 or #2 above.

On the other hand, I think I hear some people, on this thread, saying they do not want to use a label or word for their gender precisely because they think of themselves similarly to numbers 1 or 2 above. They think of themselves as between or combined, and do not feel a word or label adequately expresses this for them.

I very much love when people do different things for the same reason, or do the same things for different reasons, or arrive at the same place using various paths, or use the same path to arrive at different places or......well, this is crystal clear, right?

little man · 11-09-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

Words

i think this is my sticking point, right here. i just don't think it's any of my business. perhaps it's because i tend to be a private person, that i use privacy as a default for others.

unless you and i decide to engage in some sort of intimacy, what's it to me? nothing, really. i am eternally curious about most everything, but don't always inquire or feel that someone is obligated to let me know these things.

imperfect_cupcake · 01-13-2010, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

I understand. but Words, the only time my ID seems to matter is on-line. If I go to the pub with a varient ammount of genderqueer, butch, femme, trans, feminine queer ...wotever... no one asks me how I ID. nor do I ask them. I know a lot a people here, and I only know how a few of them ID. It's really none of my business what their gender is, what their sexual expression is. I know they are queer, I know we talk about queer stuff, but the ID stuff just rarely comes into it, in person. I know who's kinky by feel (the majority of my aquaintances and friends) and we occationally mention what new store opened or what new device was great, but other than that... I don't really talk about the details of our sexual relationships except with my closest of friends (who is straight and vanilla). No one asks me details like that either.

The power play that occurs in our relationship, no one really knows about, not because we'd be judged - god no, as far as I know most of my friends do similar things (by off hand comments) but it's just not typical pub type convos and I don't think anyone gives a shite and frankly, doesn't want to know which way one of us was tied up last tuesday.

the furthest I have to consider anyone's ID is their pronoun. that's it. other than that it's pretty much... an internal matter for them and me. How they see a movie, what art they did, if we are going to queer theater sports, what did they think of the paint colour, how much overtime they worked... really has nothing to do with what gender/ID they are. So it doesn't really matter.

the very deep conversations I have with close friends... that's different. but at that point I know their internal dialogue. I understand, accept and care for them. Their gender/ID and sexuality still don't matter (my closest friends: two straight girls, one queer gal, two femme ID'd gals and two gender blenders) but I at least understand their background and what they think are important.

I just don't need to know how they ID. Don't really care.

but That may be because I'm in london. When I was in Oxford and felt very isolated and very *very* different with one person who understood my gender politics and history, I was for more concerned with how people ID'd. Probably because I needed to connect with people I hoped would be "More like me."

Jess · 01-13-2010, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I understand. but Words, the only time my ID seems to matter is on-line. If I go to the pub with a varient ammount of genderqueer, butch, femme, trans, feminine queer ...wotever... no one asks me how I ID. nor do I ask them. I know a lot a people here, and I only know how a few of them ID. It's really none of my business what their gender is, what their sexual expression is. I know they are queer, I know we talk about queer stuff, but the ID stuff just rarely comes into it, in person. I know who's kinky by feel (the majority of my aquaintances and friends) and we occationally mention what new store opened or what new device was great, but other than that... I don't really talk about the details of our sexual relationships except with my closest of friends (who is straight and vanilla). No one asks me details like that either.

The power play that occurs in our relationship, no one really knows about, not because we'd be judged - god no, as far as I know most of my friends do similar things (by off hand comments) but it's just not typical pub type convos and I don't think anyone gives a shite and frankly, doesn't want to know which way one of us was tied up last tuesday.

the furthest I have to consider anyone's ID is their pronoun. that's it. other than that it's pretty much... an internal matter for them and me. How they see a movie, what art they did, if we are going to queer theater sports, what did they think of the paint colour, how much overtime they worked... really has nothing to do with what gender/ID they are. So it doesn't really matter.

the very deep conversations I have with close friends... that's different. but at that point I know their internal dialogue. I understand, accept and care for them. Their gender/ID and sexuality still don't matter (my closest friends: two straight girls, one queer gal, two femme ID'd gals and two gender blenders) but I at least understand their background and what they think are important.

I just don't need to know how they ID. Don't really care.

but That may be because I'm in london. When I was in Oxford and felt very isolated and very *very* different with one person who understood my gender politics and history, I was for more concerned with how people ID'd. Probably because I needed to connect with people I hoped would be "More like me."

Very happy to see you here! Have missed your voice!

Hugs!

and I never cared how you ID..lol and I still am not sure I know! and prolly won't ask

btw, here's yer sheep

imperfect_cupcake · 01-13-2010, 04:46 PM

behhhh!!

Good lord is that Morrisey bleating away...?

11-09-2009, 06:14 PM	#8
bonne-maman Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: All right SPA. I am single. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 147 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 158 Times in 61 Posts Rep Power: 2493	I love gender threads..... it seems one thing that might be tweaked out here...is the similarity between defining oneself and not defining oneself... I have known butches who feel the word "butch" very much captures their gender, because their definition of "butch" is either: 1) a person who is both male and female, OR 2) a person who is neither male or female; but a third gender, that combines elements of both male and female I also have friends who use the word "genderqueer" and to them it means either #1 or #2 above. On the other hand, I think I hear some people, on this thread, saying they do not want to use a label or word for their gender precisely because they think of themselves similarly to numbers 1 or 2 above. They think of themselves as between or combined, and do not feel a word or label adequately expresses this for them. I very much love when people do different things for the same reason, or do the same things for different reasons, or arrive at the same place using various paths, or use the same path to arrive at different places or......well, this is crystal clear, right?

01-13-2010, 04:46 PM	#12
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,726 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	behhhh!! Good lord is that Morrisey bleating away...?