Labels

[Jess]

Perhaps it is personal evolution or perhaps it is just getting older that brings me to where I feel I have come full circle, regarding "labels, identifiers, rainbow badge of courage" . The "learning the rules" so I can then forget them, so to speak.

When I first learned about using the web to network and reach out of my sense of isolation ( feelings of being misunderstood or having no intimately familiar community in "real time" ) , I also learned of ALL of the different words used to describe the different facets of people. This was especially difficult to navigate within "gender choice positive" communities such as the butch-femme welcoming sites.

I was no longer just a dyke. I was no longer just a lesbian. No longer just a freak who liked S/m. I found a whole brand spanking new set of "words" that helped me describe not only who I am, but what I like, am attracted to, want to spend energy being near. I found the words that for me, helped describe both physical and some mental/ emotional/ sexual and social attributes and I took them on more as a way to find "like minded" individuals than as necessarily a box I wanted to stay in.

I chose the nic SyrJess as a way to say " I am a masculine female Top" , because at that time, it was important for me in my seeking others within both gender choice positive space and BDSMers to form community with. I always used Syr to mark the difference between being a masculine woman and an FTM. It worked for me for years.

As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I no longer feel that same "driven" desire to adamantly express "who I am" and the need to be seen as valued for my "labels". Yes, I'm still a big ole butt spanking butch, however today there is only one butt I want to spank and she knows I am "butch" so I don't feel a need to "advertise" any longer... LOL.

Do I want to be "seen" and/or valued for being Butch/ Top/ Stone/ masculine/ female ? Absolutely. I feel today however, it is more important for me to be valued by ME first. "Me".. free of labels and qualifiers/ identifiers. I am learning to be the sum of all those parts and not just a fraction of them.

It has been and I am sure will continue to be, a " very strange trip" indeed.

[christie]

Originally Posted by Jess

Perhaps it is personal evolution or perhaps it is just getting older that brings me to where I feel I have come full circle, regarding "labels, identifiers, rainbow badge of courage" . The "learning the rules" so I can then forget them, so to speak.

When I first learned about using the web to network and reach out of my sense of isolation ( feelings of being misunderstood or having no intimately familiar community in "real time" ) , I also learned of ALL of the different words used to describe the different facets of people. This was especially difficult to navigate within "gender choice positive" communities such as the butch-femme welcoming sites.

I was no longer just a dyke. I was no longer just a lesbian. No longer just a freak who liked S/m. I found a whole brand spanking new set of "words" that helped me describe not only who I am, but what I like, am attracted to, want to spend energy being near. I found the words that for me, helped describe both physical and some mental/ emotional/ sexual and social attributes and I took them on more as a way to find "like minded" individuals than as necessarily a box I wanted to stay in.

I chose the nic SyrJess as a way to say " I am a masculine female Top" , because at that time, it was important for me in my seeking others within both gender choice positive space and BDSMers to form community with. I always used Syr to mark the difference between being a masculine woman and an FTM. It worked for me for years.

As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I no longer feel that same "driven" desire to adamantly express "who I am" and the need to be seen as valued for my "labels". Yes, I'm still a big ole butt spanking butch, however today there is only one butt I want to spank and she knows I am "butch" so I don't feel a need to "advertise" any longer... LOL.

Do I want to be "seen" and/or valued for being Butch/ Top/ Stone/ masculine/ female ? Absolutely. I feel today however, it is more important for me to be valued by ME first. "Me".. free of labels and qualifiers/ identifiers. I am learning to be the sum of all those parts and not just a fraction of them.

It has been and I am sure will continue to be, a " very strange trip" indeed.

Its been an amazing transformation - and I am humbled to stand beside you as you have moved through this part of your evolution and to see you love you as I have been so blessed to do.

Change is not easy, especially for ole . Its downright scary. It takes so much courage to walk the road you've been on and I am so very proud to be your wife.

Sorry for the derail, folks. I just couldn't let this pass without acknowledging.
Back to your regularly scheduled program!

[Jess]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Its been an amazing transformation - and I am humbled to stand beside you as you have moved through this part of your evolution and to see you love you as I have been so blessed to do.

Change is not easy, especially for ole . Its downright scary. It takes so much courage to walk the road you've been on and I am so very proud to be your wife.

Sorry for the derail, folks. I just couldn't let this pass without acknowledging.
Back to your regularly scheduled program!

Woman, I am gonna stalk you forever

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Words

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

I understand. but Words, the only time my ID seems to matter is on-line. If I go to the pub with a varient ammount of genderqueer, butch, femme, trans, feminine queer ...wotever... no one asks me how I ID. nor do I ask them. I know a lot a people here, and I only know how a few of them ID. It's really none of my business what their gender is, what their sexual expression is. I know they are queer, I know we talk about queer stuff, but the ID stuff just rarely comes into it, in person. I know who's kinky by feel (the majority of my aquaintances and friends) and we occationally mention what new store opened or what new device was great, but other than that... I don't really talk about the details of our sexual relationships except with my closest of friends (who is straight and vanilla). No one asks me details like that either.

The power play that occurs in our relationship, no one really knows about, not because we'd be judged - god no, as far as I know most of my friends do similar things (by off hand comments) but it's just not typical pub type convos and I don't think anyone gives a shite and frankly, doesn't want to know which way one of us was tied up last tuesday.

the furthest I have to consider anyone's ID is their pronoun. that's it. other than that it's pretty much... an internal matter for them and me. How they see a movie, what art they did, if we are going to queer theater sports, what did they think of the paint colour, how much overtime they worked... really has nothing to do with what gender/ID they are. So it doesn't really matter.

the very deep conversations I have with close friends... that's different. but at that point I know their internal dialogue. I understand, accept and care for them. Their gender/ID and sexuality still don't matter (my closest friends: two straight girls, one queer gal, two femme ID'd gals and two gender blenders) but I at least understand their background and what they think are important.

I just don't need to know how they ID. Don't really care.

but That may be because I'm in london. When I was in Oxford and felt very isolated and very *very* different with one person who understood my gender politics and history, I was for more concerned with how people ID'd. Probably because I needed to connect with people I hoped would be "More like me."

[Jess]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I understand. but Words, the only time my ID seems to matter is on-line. If I go to the pub with a varient ammount of genderqueer, butch, femme, trans, feminine queer ...wotever... no one asks me how I ID. nor do I ask them. I know a lot a people here, and I only know how a few of them ID. It's really none of my business what their gender is, what their sexual expression is. I know they are queer, I know we talk about queer stuff, but the ID stuff just rarely comes into it, in person. I know who's kinky by feel (the majority of my aquaintances and friends) and we occationally mention what new store opened or what new device was great, but other than that... I don't really talk about the details of our sexual relationships except with my closest of friends (who is straight and vanilla). No one asks me details like that either.

The power play that occurs in our relationship, no one really knows about, not because we'd be judged - god no, as far as I know most of my friends do similar things (by off hand comments) but it's just not typical pub type convos and I don't think anyone gives a shite and frankly, doesn't want to know which way one of us was tied up last tuesday.

the furthest I have to consider anyone's ID is their pronoun. that's it. other than that it's pretty much... an internal matter for them and me. How they see a movie, what art they did, if we are going to queer theater sports, what did they think of the paint colour, how much overtime they worked... really has nothing to do with what gender/ID they are. So it doesn't really matter.

the very deep conversations I have with close friends... that's different. but at that point I know their internal dialogue. I understand, accept and care for them. Their gender/ID and sexuality still don't matter (my closest friends: two straight girls, one queer gal, two femme ID'd gals and two gender blenders) but I at least understand their background and what they think are important.

I just don't need to know how they ID. Don't really care.

but That may be because I'm in london. When I was in Oxford and felt very isolated and very *very* different with one person who understood my gender politics and history, I was for more concerned with how people ID'd. Probably because I needed to connect with people I hoped would be "More like me."

Very happy to see you here! Have missed your voice!

Hugs!

and I never cared how you ID..lol and I still am not sure I know! and prolly won't ask

btw, here's yer sheep

[imperfect_cupcake]

behhhh!!

Good lord is that Morrisey bleating away...?

[owen4u1904]

Originally Posted by Diva

When I first came out, my friends were trying to set me up with one who later became my partner for 8 years.....but when she first saw me, she leaned over to our mutual friend and said, "She's not a lesbian, she's somebody's Mother!"

She got it half right. I like that label, too......

I have evolved since then..... <smile> Though I'm still using the Mom Label.

~Diva

I like that one, after just now coming out I am still trying to figure out the whole clothes and labeling thing. I believe that you should not label yourself. You love who you love and at that is all. I would love to see people just go with feelings. I also do not like the idea that if you dress more "girly" you are considered femme. I dress in what I feel comfortable in, may it one day be a nice cute shirt and some nice pants or the next day a hoodie and baggy jeans. I am not trying to impress anyone with my looks, as long as I know I feel good about myself then I that is what I am most concerned about. And yes that whole mom label though is me, which is what I want people to see first and foremost.

[luciddreamer]

I am not one for labels either...I am "just me"...lol I love my t-shirts,tank tops and jeans...but I also loveeee my lacy bras, thongs,tight fitting cleavage showing tops and a equally nice fitting pair of jeans with matching belt and shoes...lmao

As long as you are happy and comfortable I say !!!

[casey35]

i am kinda new to the out of the closet so to speak( 6 years). I would be consider a femme by most who dont know me. But i am more then that I love the outside and sports and like getting dirty. But i also love my heels and dresses. I think everyone is more then just a label because most labels dont address all of you. That my humble opinion.

[Andrew, Jr.]

For me, and me alone, I don't like labels. I am me. I know who and what I am. I just have fought harder than most have because of my horrible childhood. I respect each and everyone for who and what they are. You never know what journey we each have lived through. And what cards we were delt in life.

Andrew

[casey35]

i was talking to friends and found out i was one of the only femmes they know that does not carry a purse. Dont know why i would need one only thing u need is a bank card, driver license, and your phone pockets are big enough for these things.

ok i just think that this harley cute

[Soon]

Originally Posted by BatterUpBaby

<snip>

....

It does become interesting at times as I often ask my friends, "what am I?" and most laugh. Maybe someone should come up with a non-specific gender/identity word to help describe us fellow out-of-box types.

First Person in the World to be Declared Officially Genderless

Norrie May-Welby is recognized as gender-neutral by Australian authorities, making history in the process.

Happy to live life as neither a man nor a woman, Norrie May-Welby, a sex and gender diverse activist in Sydney, dedicated a lot of time fighting for equal rights. Now, in a groundbreaking move, Australia has made history by acknowledging that May-Welby is indeed gender-free, issuing legal documentation, stating so.

Born as a man, May-Welby was raised in Scotland before emigrating to Australia as a child. Undergoing a sex change operation at the age of 28, he became a woman but was still desperately unhappy so she decided to stop her hormone treatments and live a genderless existence. "I haven't taken hormones for about 20 years, preferring my body and brain to be as they are naturally," it states on the 48-year-old's website.

While the British expat was content, zie (the new legally correct gender-neutral pronoun) had no legal documentation to reference when queried about the issue of sexuality, reports the Times of Malta. With a passport, stating 'female' yet having undergone a sex change operation to become a man, this was naturally confusing, not to mention embarrassing. So having applied to the New South Wales Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages in Sydney asking for a 'Sex Not Specified' Recognition Certificate (similar to a birth certificate) finally May-Welby received the paperwork zie had been lobbying for, and the acceptance that went with it.

A spokesman for the UK's Gender Trust said they were fully in support of the decision by the Sydney authorities and hoped that others around the world would follow suit. "Many people like the idea of being genderless," they said, according to Britain's the Telegraph. While May-Welby is still coming to terms with the new found fame, zie remains hopeful of the future ahead for genderless people around the world: "It surprised me to be told I am the first to get such documentation, zie said, adding, "but I know I won't be the last."

[zannadyke]

...my next tattoo: a clothing label with the word DYKE on it. There! I have labeled myself one of the most vague things in the world!



I have also labeled myself "The Zan" in the past.

[Jett]

Because I was questioned twice about my "identity" spot in the side profile. Not that I have to explain but maybe this will clear things up.

As I said earlier in the thread labels feel confining to me, not that they can limit me, I just no longer have the same desire to present myself as or label myself in such a "defined" way as I have in "Stone Butch" for about a decade and a half. Maybe it's because we change and grow over time, and moreso how we view things change sometimes more than who we are.

No matter what I label my "identity" here, I still can strip down and rebuild engines, roof a house and am a hardcore motorcycle lovin' jeans and tee, boot wearin' queer female who loves mimosas and a bubble bath, yep... all my life... label no label, doesn't change a damn thing.

Besides there's too much crap all over defining this and that and drawing perimeters and I don't like living under the shadows others cast, I define myself. If anyone cares to know more they'll ask how I "identify". I'm just everyday people (well, maybe not quite but...)

If it's all about the identity labels for some here and not getting to know people as individuals, I don't know what to say except sorry bout yer bad luck.

Hell... I was just a hardcore dirt bike tomboy crushing on girls growing up and now maybe I'm just a full grown hardass tomboy who's attracted to femmes (of which I have one of my very own ). Now there's a fucked up label... hmmm who knows... maybe I like that one... but really, who cares?

Again I see them as important, needed, useful, celebration worthy and necessary for some especially in this community... to each their own, who ever you are just be who you need to be, just that for me I feel like I've out lived some of the usefulness of mine for myself. I still feel as connected to this community as ever, because of my experience and my life today and future.

That is all,
Metropolis

[lisa93]

Labels are completely a preference thing