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08-18-2011, 09:12 PM
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#1 |
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Timed Out
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Yup lots of patience and if I do go meet her she already told me I am meeting them. Just no clue on how to mingle with them and what they like to do except eat LOL.
Oh lawd me as a teenger, now that's another story in itself. |
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08-18-2011, 09:17 PM
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#2 | |
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Senior Member
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08-18-2011, 09:19 PM
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#3 | |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles 
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TO SOON FOR DAT!
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden   |
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08-18-2011, 09:19 PM
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#4 | |
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Timed Out
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08-18-2011, 09:23 PM
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#5 |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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[QUOTE=J. Mason;401197]Yes you are correct. I think she has spoken to the boys about me in good context and I have never given her any reason to not trust me. Ohhh and this is someone who is NOT on this site, just to clear things up.[/QUt
I would think you would want to hang out with Mom first without the kids being involved, you don't even know if you can hang with this relationship why expose the kids? If you aren't gonna stick around for a long time there is no sense in meeting the kids until some kind of relationship or friendship is built and has some steady foundation. I could be wrong though... .gif "Say What?")
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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08-18-2011, 09:26 PM
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#6 |
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Timed Out
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Oh of course I do wanna spend time with the mom without the boys thats a given.
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08-18-2011, 09:30 PM
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#7 | |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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That's all I have to say about this subject tonight
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Maybe until you and her have some form of solid relationship or friendship, the kids should be kept out. It's only fair to them. Just a suggestion 
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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08-18-2011, 09:34 PM
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#8 | |
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Timed Out
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08-18-2011, 09:30 PM
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#9 | ||
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08-18-2011, 09:33 PM
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#10 |
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I'm kind of wondering if perhaps she isn't as comfortable and is bringing the teenagers with for emotional back up. Which if the case would send up a red flag for me. Not that I know her or you but it's kind of well, weird.
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08-18-2011, 09:26 PM
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#11 | |
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Senior Member
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08-18-2011, 09:29 PM
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#12 | |
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Timed Out
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08-18-2011, 09:21 PM
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#13 |
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I have a teenage son. I am very picky about who he meets. I most definitely would not introduce him to someone the first time I was meeting them myself. Perhaps I am over-protective. Usually I have to be seriously dating the person before introductions are made to any member of my family, for that matter. I figure that I need to know the person well and have a relationship (or intention of one) before I will take the risk of my son getting involved and possibly attached.
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08-19-2011, 07:38 AM
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#14 |
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As someone with kids, I have a few thoughts as they relate to me and my children...
*rather than gifts, my kids would prefer time/attention, but only if it is shared in a genuine manner; but if you must present a gift, make it one that shows you put some thought and effort into it. Do NOT buy any gift that adds to my expenses. A puppy is cute & all but I have to pay a pet deposit of $400 if you show up with one. *ALL ages of kids have their good & bad times; my 13 year old is probably easier to be around than my 7 year old b/c my oldest can sit and have an intelligent conversation with you while my 7 year old won't have much to talk about beyond 7 year old things *my kids come first-period. But my situation is different. My kids go to their dad's place on "his weekends" and they go visit my mom on "my weekends." So, I actually have a decent amount of alone/adult time. *I do not expect someone to be a surrogate parent. My children have a mother and a father and both are present in the kids lives. Anyone else should be a friend, role model, confidant etc. Not that they are less important, they just have a different place in the kids lives. *I struggle with how soon someone meets my kids. A friend once advised that I let people meet the kids early on, to establish that my kids ARE part of my life. But, on the other hand, I am pretty protective. Anyone who meets my kids early on is introduced as "my friend." Families are well worth the investment in time/effort. But not everyone is made to date a family. I have dated women in the past who just could not handle it and things ended. And I respect them for having gotten out when they did, rather than everyone be miserable. 
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03-11-2012, 04:54 PM
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#15 |
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Rules for surviving life with a partner who has a kid
I'm the live-in girlfriend of a single mom, and here's what I've learned. Every situation is different but here's what works in mine:
1) Avoid ever taking a parental or disciplinary role. If safety is involved, of course, step up to the plate, and quickly. Otherwise, wait and report the behavior to the mom--but only if you think she'd want to hear it! And save your silver bullets. Don't go running to her all the time with troubling shit the kid did. What I found works best in my situation is, that even if it's something little, like setting the table, I now ask the mom to ask the kid. I made the mistake in the beginning, of assuming I would be some kind of co-parent, or step-mom, and that caused all kinds of problems. So, I took it way, way down. Result? Peace. The kid is nicer to me, and the mom isn't bent out of shape at what she sees as my interference in her parenting. 2) Never fight in front of the kid. Did your parents fight in front of you? Mine did, all the time--and it felt awful. I don't want to put another kid in that situation. Besides, even if your partner is being an asshole, if the kid sees you fight, you're the bad guy, and that feels ever worse than the fight. 3) Accept, and don't take it personally, that you will never come first with your partner. Well, maybe on a very rare basis, you'll feel like you're the priority, but if you need a lot of that, you're in for a lot of disappointment. The kid comes first, and if you can't handle that, find a partner without a kid and stop torturing her with your whining--she will only resent you for it. 4) Hold on to your sense of self; don't abandon your own hobbies and beloved "grownup" activities; don't lose touch with your friends and things that aren't "kid friendly." Gradually, in an organic way, you might gel as a "family" with your partner and her kid/s, but then again, she might not have that as a goal (mine doesn't; she tried to tell me as much, but I didn't hear it at first). Besides being clear about expectations before you move in, be flexible, and once you do move in, go with the flow. It's not a predictable process and meanwhile, it's incredibly important to make sure you have your own life, that your own identify is intact and not dependent on fitting into some fantasy you thought would happen and isn't going to. 5) I guess last of all I want to reiterate something from that last point--be clear about your expectations, before you move in. These aren't things I learned easily, and they aren't appropriate for everyone, so please don't take offense if they aren't right for you. Honestly if they spare one person the heartache I experienced, living under some very misguided expectations, it's worth the trouble posting it. Good luck. IslandScout |
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03-14-2012, 04:22 AM
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#16 |
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Interesting thread. I have 3 kids who are awesome! My ex seems to be more drawn to the kids than he ever was to me. Yes, they are that awesome. When I mention to women that I have young kids, they recoil a bit. After they meet them, they relax and enjoy their silly, charming nature. My kids are very much like me. I am kid at heart. But I usually am in adult mode when I am with them since they need guidance and focus.
I've had to distance myself from women who want kids and try to grasp for my kids. It just doesn't seem healthy to over emote around kids that you are meeting for the first time. It's great to like kids and want a GF who has them. But... Every mother is different. But my kids come first, always. Period. They are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep (well, one of the last things). They spend 1/2 the week with their father so I have alone time and get to recharge my batteries. I'm single and have time to date (however, there are no local women I would like to date). I suspect that women believe 3 kids would take all my time and leave them out in the cold. Even though my kids come first, this isn't true. I've always wanted sex more than my lovers did and being present in a relationship has never been my issue. Being a mother has opened my heart, life and spirit in unimagined ways. My patience, listening skills, compassion, nurturing, intuitive skills, etc. all have heightened and made me a better partner. Of course it isn't easy. The feminine brain sure comes in handy (E increases multi-tasking, assessment, reading body language and other skills) and it kick into overdrive when the kids are with me. Being a mother has made me even more womanly (femme). Now if I could only find a hot butch... |
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03-14-2012, 08:09 AM
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#17 | |
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03-14-2012, 01:22 PM
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#18 | |
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03-14-2012, 06:22 PM
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#19 |
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Originally Posted by IslandScout
Mariamma, I don't think having kids will slow down your dating prospects; not in the least. In fact, I think butch women are somewhat mesmerized by women with children; you seem savvy to the suspect as well as genuine kinds of interest that being a mother can elicit in a single butch. I wish you all the best, moving forward. IslandScout Could you explain what you mean by the part I bolded? I will withhold comment until I understand what you mean. (Mariamma) First, forgive me if I've spelled your name wrong; I keep going back and forth and losing the copied part to paste but now that it's there I want to keep going and not risk losing it again so I'm writing your name from memory. I just meant, it's cute how butches idealize "mommies" but then the real "mom" is a person they get to know over time and while they might still idealize her, it's for reasons that are unique to her and their feelings are more "genuine." I don't know why I got into that one, I don't know what the "f" I'm talking about, I do live with a mom but our dynamic is totally unrelated to what I'm alluding to. I will now cede the floor to those who DO know what they're talking about... Thanks, IslandScout |
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