Learning To Live Half-Alive?

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

[The_Lady_Snow]

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.

Good Luck

I think that's good advice~~ I am sorry you are hurting but you are better off with out her..

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

I think that's good advice~~ I am sorry you are hurting but you are better off with out her..

Thanks Gail, I hope you had a greaaaaaaaaaaaaat birthday with your friend at Temple.

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Thanks Gail, I hope you had a greaaaaaaaaaaaaat birthday with your friend at Temple.

Oh Thank you yes I did it was great!!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

I know.

I just wish I didn't love her... believe me, I do. I have always loved her... and what's happening right now seems like a nightmare - completely unbelievable. Illogical and confusing

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

Snowy is right...

[suebee]

I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.

I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life.

Hugs,

Sue

[Soft*Silver]

these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.

I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry...

dont let her, sweetheart. That love is too precious. Save it for someone who will treasure it. Save it so you keep it safe for yourself. Love yourself enough to let her go ...consider it her greatest gift she ever gave you...

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

\Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

\

[Dude]

Originally Posted by softness

these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.

I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry...

I really take offense to you speaking for all alcoholics here. I am a recovering one who is now close to 28 years sober. At worst , my drinking caused me to be flaky and unreliable which was indeed a selfish thing. I was never manipulative or conniving even at my bottom. Huge sweeping generalities of any kind like this I think can be damaging. Sorta like all butch's and femme's are all the same. Hopefully >that< myth has been disproven enough for people to get it by now

Originally Posted by softness

yeah..she is going to hold you hostage. We do that, us alcoholics. We need to hold onto you just in case what we left you for doesnt work out. We always have to have a way back in...

you really want this? I can sit here and be your interpreter all night long. I speak Sick real good. .... Its my native language...

Again, I have never taken a hostage nor had a back burner babe just in case person and I was never dependant on getting back in with anyone.
You may have done all those things but please dont speak for the rest of us.


Girl who is heartbroken,
Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dude

Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.

Great advice. People can get stuck with trying to "figure it out" (I'm a good one for that), instead of just accepting what it is and doing what you need to do based on that information.

[Ebon]

Like snowy said just mourn and move on with your life. You will think back on this situation with new eyes once you get through the thick of it. You will have learned another lesson about yourself, life and certain types of people. I know it's hard when you are there and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel because it just happened but it's there. Swim in your emotions and feel them all, learn what you need to learn and move on to your next life adventure. I wish you lots of strength and clarity.

[Soft*Silver]

thank you for reminding me that not all of us are as sick as some of us. I speak from my own perspective then...I appreciate the leveling of humility...

Originally Posted by Dude

I really take offense to you speaking for all alcoholics here. I am a recovering one who is now close to 28 years sober. At worst , my drinking caused me to be flaky and unreliable which was indeed a selfish thing. I was never manipulative or conniving even at my bottom. Huge sweeping generalities of any kind like this I think can be damaging. Sorta like all butch's and femme's are all the same. Hopefully >that< myth has been disproven enough for people to get it by now





Again, I have never taken a hostage nor had a back burner babe just in case person and I was never dependant on getting back in with anyone.
You may have done all those things but please dont speak for the rest of us.


Girl who is heartbroken,
Don't blame it on the drinking.That's a sure way to keep you stuck.
Stop trying to figure it out, just stick with the facts and move on.

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Wow, so much to respond to. But, I will say, first and foremost, that in regards to exposing a few personal details - I know my limits and boundaries, and what I'm trying to do is simply provide enough information so that others can understand and help me to put together some of the pieces... since I keep cutting my fingers open on them, so to speak

I appreciate you all taking the time to respond, and for offering me your kind words. It's amazing to me.

I'm an overanalyser, that's one thing for sure... hence, I do over-think it and try to figure it out. It's agonizing to say the least... but I'm working on accepting things as they are, and trying to let go, without giving myself a migraine trying to decipher all the reasons why.

I do believe that, in her own way, she does love me. I just don't believe she's quite capable of showing it, save for those very rare times when she's exposed and vulnerable. She's a good person, deep down, but she's stuck underneath all the wreckage. It's up to her to pull herself out, and whether she does or not is up to her. I just can't keep sacrificing my emotional well-being to be her saviour.

to all.

And, a special thanks to June, for fixing my typo...

[The_Lady_Snow]

We've all only stated limits and boundaries due to the fact you've put it out there and asked for our help. It's obvious you are still clouded cause honey there is NO EXCUSE to be an ass hat.

Your ex, is an ass hat and that is NOT love.

[blush]

Everyone has given you great advice, and I wish you well on your journey through heartache. It can be a long, lonely road.

It's so tempting to post all the details about an ex, but this is a very public forum, and you're posting about very private struggles about someone you profess to love. We all do this sometimes, but is it your story to tell? Perhaps you've gotten her permission?

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives.

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't.

I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3

[TickledPink]

Doors close so better ones open!

Write yourself a letter of what you want and deserve in a partner. Tuck it away somwhere and, in a year's time, read it. Read all the posts here, I bet you will feel much better!

Of course there is raw / real pain right now. Feel it and move on. Let it remind you of how you are NOT going to let anyone else put you in that state of anguish again.

My bests to you!

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

... I'm broken.

Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half.

As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart.

Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl?

she's an alcoholic...

Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years.

Of course you feel "broken", proximitywithoutintimacy, you've just been hit with a ton of CRAZY all at once.

Easy does it, easy does it.

Give yourself time to crawl out from beneath all this CRAZY so you can get your bearings.

Here's a few things you may wish to consider as you do that (and, it's all hers): alcoholism, cutting behavior, insincerity, impulsivity, transient sexual liaisons, drama, attention seeking, bad boundaries, a lack of empathy, cell phone abuse.... (I'm sure you can add to the list if you think about it.)

You may just come out the other side of this situation with a ton of gratitude. I personally think you dodged a bullet.

- Chazz (a substance abuse counselor for 18 years)

[wimsiclegirl]

Originally Posted by Chazz

Of course you feel "broken", proximitywithoutintimacy, you've just been hit with a ton of CRAZY all at once.

Easy does it, easy does it.

Give yourself time to crawl out from beneath all this CRAZY so you can get your bearings.

Here's a few things you may wish to consider as you do that (and, it's all hers): alcoholism, cutting behavior, insincerity, impulsivity, transient sexual liaisons, drama, attention seeking, bad boundaries, a lack of empathy, cell phone abuse.... (I'm sure you can add to the list if you think about it.)

You may just come out the other side of this situation with a ton of gratitude. I personally think you dodged a bullet.

- Chazz (a substance abuse counselor for 18 years)

Wow! I wish I didn't but I recognizes this journey of saddness and broken heartedness ...way too familiar....To love someone so unhealthy for me ...

It took a lot of personal work to find my inner strength and to realize that the issues were not about me and there was no way this could of worked out well without sacrificing my soul...

Chazz is so right!! From the outside looking in the perspective really shifts...May this awful experience lead you to a place of grattitude and Inner strength!

Prayers and Hugs!