03-28-2013, 10:01 PM | #1 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Transman Preferred Pronoun?:
they/them Relationship Status:
encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: eastern US
Posts: 48
Thanks: 361
Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts
Rep Power: 1216947 |
Marriage Titles
I live in one of the states that just recently made it legal for same sex couples to get married. YAY!! As a masculine person I'm having a hard time thinking of myself as anyone's "wife" and I don't think "husband" is fitting either. I am trying to figure out, once I'm legally married what my partner and I will refer to each other as. Any suggestions? Should we stick with the traditional terms or invent some new ones that might fit us better? How wonderful that we are living in an age when these are actual concerns. I'm hoping some of you can come up with some interesting ideas on this subject.
Thanks, Maverick |
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Maverick For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 10:09 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,000
Thanks: 1,834
Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
You could use the gender neutral term "spouse"
__________________
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to always2late For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 10:17 PM | #3 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Don't let the gal part of my screen name fool ya I,m ALL butch! Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Tacoma,Washington
Posts: 2,907
Thanks: 15,853
Thanked 11,735 Times in 2,469 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
..
I think spouse is a great idea! my lil sis and her other half referred to each other as wife...they didn't identify as butch femme.
This site is very familiar with folks being able to choose what fits them or that they identify as. This is a great topic. |
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to firegal For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 11:03 PM | #4 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
. Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: .
Posts: 1,372
Thanks: 7,337
Thanked 4,555 Times in 1,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
How about husbutch?
|
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Breezy For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 11:06 PM | #5 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?:
50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status:
married to my forever Join Date: May 2011
Location: salt air & sandy beaches
Posts: 13,098
Thanks: 96,069
Thanked 31,690 Times in 7,716 Posts
Rep Power: 21474862 |
^5 Great topic. Mav!
Interesting topic.
My GF & I were discussing this recently. We were talking of what would one call the other, etc. Hers would most likely be "husbutch" for me, and mine for her would be "wife". That is just what feels most comfortable to us. As my great friend doc mentioned, "spouse" is gender neutral, and a good one. Another great friend, firegal, had a good suggestion, too. It really all depends on what others are comfortable with...there are many , many wonderful words that could apply in any given situation.
__________________
To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to clay For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 11:13 PM | #6 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Transmasculine/Non-Binary Preferred Pronoun?:
Hy (Pronounced He) Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 6,589
Thanks: 21,132
Thanked 8,163 Times in 2,006 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
For me, I am really over the term "My Partner." As a young person I always thought it made my gf and I sound like we were in business together or were partnered to play board games or cards.
I do not see myself as a "husband" because of all the historical misogny wrapped in that term. Spouse works for me. I will admit, I do like the sound of Mr. and Mrs.________.
__________________
Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale |
The Following 21 Users Say Thank You to Greyson For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 11:32 PM | #7 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
. Preferred Pronoun?:
. Relationship Status:
. Join Date: May 2010
Location: .
Posts: 2,199
Thanks: 1,527
Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
I'm with Greyson on Mr. and Mrs.
It shows a united front to me. An unshakable bond. Husband and wife. Partner is okay for now because there aren't many options out there for us that are fitting. Spouse is not one I care for. Nor is companion or life companion. |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to DamonK For This Useful Post: |
03-28-2013, 11:34 PM | #8 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Lake Worth FL
Posts: 89
Thanks: 641
Thanked 240 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 2561060 |
I thought I would one day hear the words, "I now pronounce you husbutch and wife!"
|
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to o222Good For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 12:36 AM | #9 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Old Thing Preferred Pronoun?:
Ol Butch Bones Relationship Status:
Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore
Posts: 1,546
Thanks: 3,597
Thanked 3,732 Times in 1,096 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Strange..In the thirty or so years I was "married", whenever her family sent us a Christmas card, they would always address the envelope using our first names, but their own family name at the end. When my family send a card, they would use their last names, after our first names. When friends sent us a card or invitation, they used both of our names. We had both of our names on the mailbox.We did'nt call each other anything else besides our own names in all those years. But I still do not see anything at all wrong with the traditional Mr. if you ID as masc/trans for now. I personally, use to like the y used in Syr/Myster.
|
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Glenn For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 04:07 AM | #10 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer femme-inist Relationship Status:
I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010
Location: Western Mass
Posts: 3,697
Thanks: 9,228
Thanked 14,357 Times in 2,670 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
For those of you who prefer the title 'husbutch', do you see yourselves using that word out and about, in your everyday lives?
|
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to Chancie For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 06:28 AM | #11 |
MILLION $$$ PUSSY
How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms. Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ** La Reina del Sur**
Posts: 22,488
Thanks: 32,231
Thanked 80,120 Times in 15,678 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
We
We use Master and slave, my parents being who they are call him *El Grande* cause my mother has a hard time with calling him slave and pronouncing his name.
Heteronormative titles don't really fit our union, we aren't ever really going to purposefully blend in so what we refer to each other as will be non conventional.
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to The_Lady_Snow For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 07:11 AM | #12 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Transman Preferred Pronoun?:
they/them Relationship Status:
encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: eastern US
Posts: 48
Thanks: 361
Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts
Rep Power: 1216947 |
Good question! I agree, I'm tired of the term "partner" and its blandness. My lady likes the term wife and will use that I believe. Husbutch is a cool idea. I keep trying to picture the person marrying us saying "I now pronounce you ________ and wife!" or "Wife and ________", "Wife and wife"? Eh.. "Husbutch and wife" is better. The cool thing is we get to invent what's right for us and don't have to stick with the traditional hetero wordings if we don't want to. Years ago we made up a secret pet word to use in public for each other where we didn't feel safe or comfortable to say "honey" or 'sweetie" etc. We still use that word a lot but not because we're being stealth anymore. We just love the word now for what it represents to us.
|
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Maverick For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 07:57 AM | #13 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?:
50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status:
married to my forever Join Date: May 2011
Location: salt air & sandy beaches
Posts: 13,098
Thanks: 96,069
Thanked 31,690 Times in 7,716 Posts
Rep Power: 21474862 |
Quote:
Though personally not really hung up on titles, per se, I am comfortable with anything respectable.
__________________
To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault |
|
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to clay For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 02:38 PM | #14 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer femme-inist Relationship Status:
I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010
Location: Western Mass
Posts: 3,697
Thanks: 9,228
Thanked 14,357 Times in 2,670 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
We use partner all the time. I don't think anyone has ever thought we own a business together. Our respective families use it too. I think Pete uses 'old lady' sometimes when she's talking about me, which I find charming and kind of funny.
I'm talking about running into a colleague or a friend from the gym, someone you know but your honey doesn't know. If you were in the supermarket or something, would you use 'husbutch'? |
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Chancie For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 03:44 PM | #15 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status:
Happy Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic.
Posts: 9,234
Thanks: 9,840
Thanked 34,662 Times in 7,652 Posts
Rep Power: 21474860 |
I am very comfortable with partner, significant other, or spouse. As a woman who loves being a woman and does woman her way, I would not be comfortable with something like husbutch, cuz it doesn't reflect who I am. The only pronouncement I want to hear after our vows is..... I now pronounce you married in the eyes of the law and God.
__________________
|
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Kobi For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 03:51 PM | #16 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?:
see above Relationship Status:
independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oakland
Posts: 1,826
Thanks: 4,068
Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I like the term.....beloved
In ceremonies in SF, I have heard folks pronounced spouse and spouse. I believe on the gender neutral CA marriage license (when it was legal), the paperwork said: spouse 1 and spouse 2.
__________________
We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to Toughy For This Useful Post: |
03-29-2013, 04:11 PM | #17 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Preppy Butch artist Relationship Status:
She’s wild about me. Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: North of the Emerald City
Posts: 1,135
Thanks: 179
Thanked 2,487 Times in 549 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
An ex of mine has a sister who refers to her husband as "my friend". The first time we stayed with them and I heard her say that I was a bit taken aback, but only because I found myself thinking, "What? I thought they were married." I asked my girlfriend about it later and she said, "Oh, yeah, they are married, but my sister thinks "friend" is a much more meaningful honorific.". The point is, as others have said, go with what works for you. Let it evolve as it is wont to do.
Me, I like the ol' classic "ball and chain."
__________________
Now, if I could just find a way to get paid for what I can do with my tongue and a cherry stem. |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Ascot For This Useful Post: |
03-30-2013, 06:19 PM | #18 | |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Lake Worth FL
Posts: 89
Thanks: 641
Thanked 240 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 2561060 |
Quote:
I have given this some thought, and my answer is this. It comes down to whether I am talking to a straight person, in which case, I would not. Only because they wouldn't get it. I actually don't have any straight friends, so I'm not sure if this would happen anyway. Thanks for a good question! |
|
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to o222Good For This Useful Post: |
03-30-2013, 06:39 PM | #19 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In the present
Posts: 828
Thanks: 3,156
Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I love wife! I am happy to be a wife. Greyson prefers spouse for him. Husbutch is fine within the queer community for him but I would not use it with straight people. He will be my spouse.
__________________
Happiness Bubbling! |
03-30-2013, 08:20 PM | #20 |
Timed Out - TOS Drama
How Do You Identify?:
... Preferred Pronoun?:
... Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ...
Posts: 6,573
Thanks: 30,737
Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
When we were married we had ourselves pronounced as " I now pronounce you as married in the eyes of God and man", And we call each other wife in public. When we say wife it is immediately understood we are queer.
Not personally fond of husbutch, but to each his own. Last edited by MsTinkerbelly; 03-30-2013 at 08:28 PM. |
|
|