FTM place to vent and talk

[PwrFemme]

Originally Posted by alexri

I know I'm living a double life. It's draining. I'm myself when I can be, and I'm biologically female when I have to be right now... at work, with family, with friends who don't know. But every now and then I have a public experience that makes me have hope, and makes me see what I'm missing.

While I was out training last weekend, I passed a young girl and her mother on a bike path. I heard the girl say, "he's definitely a boy, but he looks like a girl. He must hate that."

A month ago, in an all women's race, I heard a young boy who was spectating say, "hey there's a guy in the race."

Kids get it before their minds are polluted by society. They question because they want to understand, but they don't judge.

Then, I got "sir'd" at the grocery store last night. I had my hat on, and was looking down, when the cashier said it to me. The glow on my face on the ride home could have lit up NYC.

Now, what I need is courage. The courage to stop thinking of all the "what if's" and go legally change my name. I need the courage this of how to handle this at work, especially knowing I am fully supported by HR. I need the courage to love myself enough to be myself all the time.

Alexri,

This brought to mind people saying, "Oh I knew, I was just waiting for you to tell me." I imagine you will come across haters and you will also have your cheerleaders. You always have. If you look back over your life you will realize this and know that you have always come through and nothing stopped you. It sounds like you are an athlete so I am sure you have learned how to get back up when down and keep on going. You have the strength inside to do this. Those who love you and believe in you will continue to cheer you on and you will forget the names and faces of the haters.