PTSD and Trauma recovery

[dark_crystal]

I found this article on Somatic Therapies, which include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. I did not vet the source so YMMV.

I get the basic principle but i am wondering how it would work with cPTSD? Like, we can't do The Rape or The Battery or The Bullying. Like, I have so many traumas that i cannot even keep track at this point.

How is the therapist going to know which one is causing the disruption? And if they all are, how will we ever get through all of them when i can't even make a complete list anymore AND new ones keep happening?

My big issue is emotional avoidance-- i see myself do it all the time, like when we are helping my dad into and out of his wheelchair from the car, etc.

It is difficult to watch, so i am busily examining the trees next to the car, or the cracks in the pavement, etc. all while my hands are holding onto his belt, etc.

I am guiding him and encouraging him but i am also dividing my focus so that i can turn my attention away from the sadness i see to the wasp nest on the garage or whatever, like "oh god oh god poor dad why why why why-- hey i wonder if those are yellowjackets or dirt daubers i should google-- oh go oh god why why-- hey that crack in the pavement looks like a slice of pizza-- oh no he had an accident he must be so humiliated-- hey look the azaleas are blooming"

Traumas that happen during that process get kind of cocooned and submerged and overlooked but they are piling up still almost weekly. Any therapy that has to do with reexperiencing memories is not going to find all of the memories, is all i am saying.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I ended up not having therapy Wednesday as Masshealth fucked up my ride. I was and am really disappointed, as I really needed that session. But I'll be back on Tuesday.

I had one therapist in the past who was big on Somatic techniques and sometimes I found it helpful and sometimes I found it even more triggering. It often caused me to dissociate, as I carry so much trauma my body does not want to experience or remember and forcing it does not help. And yes, it is also difficult with c-ptsd to untangle the threads where one trauma ends and the next begins. And there's the constant re-traumatization as d_c described. It wasn't for me. I find EMDR much more helpful though I didn't realize EMDR actually falls under Somatic Therapies, but it makes sense.

I fired that old therapist who kept triggering me and forcing me into traumas I wasn't ready for and constantly dissociating. It just didn't work out between us

[dark_crystal]

It has been a crazy week!

I work for a municipal government, so our health insurance is subject to change every new fiscal year. This year we changed from Cigna to BCBS, as of last Tuesday (October 1).

Neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist are on BCBS. I have to find a whole new treatment team.

I was in a spiral over that, then on Friday one of my assistants got me to approve something i knew would upset my other assistant, so i spent the whole weekend dreading a confrontation i was sure would be ugly (it was fine) and picked a big ugly fight with Mr. Jenny on Saturday.

I was so concinced that my other assistant was going to hate me now that i applied for a branch manager job that i normally would not have considered.

THEN yesterday, i went for the feedback on my psychological testing and found out i DO have ADHD-PI (PI= predominately inattentive) and have had it my whole life.

So a big part of my early trauma is now explained-- i was raised by a third-generation perfectionist and i had a disorder that meant i made a lot of mistakes and forgot stuff all the time and was shamed all day every day for it.

So NOW i have to find a whole new treatment team BUT i am also eligible for accommodations at my job which i am totally going to pursue.

I am going to be allowed to work at home on anything that requires sustained attention, so that way i can use my office hours exclusively for meetings and my staff's petty dramas and i won't be trying to like, put together the annual budget while people are in and out having crises all day.

Yesterday i got called for an interview for that branch manager job and now that my assistant isn't mad, i don't know why i applied. I have to call back and decline the interview, which i hope does not hurt me if i ever apply to that system again.

Anyway, big emotional roller coaster.

I guess i will go and revive the ADHD thread now

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I found this article on Somatic Therapies, which include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. I did not vet the source so YMMV.

I get the basic principle but i am wondering how it would work with cPTSD? Like, we can't do The Rape or The Battery or The Bullying. Like, I have so many traumas that i cannot even keep track at this point.

How is the therapist going to know which one is causing the disruption? And if they all are, how will we ever get through all of them when i can't even make a complete list anymore AND new ones keep happening?

My big issue is emotional avoidance-- i see myself do it all the time, like when we are helping my dad into and out of his wheelchair from the car, etc.

It is difficult to watch, so i am busily examining the trees next to the car, or the cracks in the pavement, etc. all while my hands are holding onto his belt, etc.

I am guiding him and encouraging him but i am also dividing my focus so that i can turn my attention away from the sadness i see to the wasp nest on the garage or whatever, like "oh god oh god poor dad why why why why-- hey i wonder if those are yellowjackets or dirt daubers i should google-- oh go oh god why why-- hey that crack in the pavement looks like a slice of pizza-- oh no he had an accident he must be so humiliated-- hey look the azaleas are blooming"

Traumas that happen during that process get kind of cocooned and submerged and overlooked but they are piling up still almost weekly. Any therapy that has to do with reexperiencing memories is not going to find all of the memories, is all i am saying.

Couple of womyn I know have done a repeat scene of The Rape or Battery where they've taken control. It's pretty edgy, but if it works then more power to them. Doing that is something I have mentioned to my Partner.